To wonder why more men don’t get the snip?

[Rainallnight]

When their family is complete.

Sparked by two (separate) people I know who recently got pregnant with or gave birth to their fourth child. Both shared freely that it was an accident - contraception failure. Life with 3 DC is full on and a bit of a struggle already in both cases. Neither felt abortion was an option for them.

When you’re 3 DC in and your family is complete, why on Earth are the men not going for the snip to bring an end to it all? And stop birth control being all on the woman?

It seems like most marriages fail on mumsnet so I can get why they don't want it. Either we find a reversible form of the snip or agree that second marriages should be childless.

Bit of a nuisance if your dating someone and thinking he's just the person to raise a family with only to find he's had the snip.

I agree that it should be more the norm. I don't like hormonal birth control so we use natural family planning mainly and sometimes condoms. It wouldn't be a huge deal if we got pregnant accidentally at the moment because we do want more children, just not quite yet. I'm trying to persuade him to consider having the snip when we're definitely done having children but he's not keen. He is aware I will not consider a termination and I've told him he'll have to have it if he doesn't want any risk of a suprise baby in our forties.

From the perspective of someone who is years down the line, if your family is complete, do it!

Having the procedure isn’t the best day of your life but it heals without side effects and paves the way for years of hassle free sex. It feels so freeing to be able to get it on at any time and anywhere without having to remember to do or take anything, or worry about the effect of hormones on health etc.

@strangerthanfictions Blimey - sorry to hear that. Perhaps there's a lot of regional variation? We're in London and dh got his done at the place in Fitzrovia. Doctor said he usually does 20 vasectomies a day! ✂️✂️✂️

My DH won't because he's worried about complications and long term pain or issues. Fair enough it's his body. He's suggested I should get sterilised instead, I've declined for similar reasons.

Yeah I know people with similar waits and I don't think female sterilisation was even an option for us or I would have considered it. Nor was a diaphragm (which can be pretty effective when coupled with natural planning) ,I couldn't get one on NHS anywhere near me and I'm not remote. I do hear the diaphragm is gaining popularity as a non hormonal way to back up natural planning as more women are rejecting hormonal options.

It certainly does depend on area. Locally we have a doctors surgery that does minor surgery such as the snip so I think it’s 3months and some of that they have said is for change of mind purposes. Walk in, balls out, injection, slice, burn, stitch, cup off tea and off you go home.

DBro had it done and had problems for years after. Isn't it around 10% of men who suffer negative after-effects?

I’m aware that women have it harder with childbirth, pregnancy, contraception, sterilisation etc, but it’s definitely not unreasonable for a man to be concerned about a 1 in 10 chance of a poor outcome.

This always gets played down but there are a significant minority of men who suffer years, or even a lifetime, of chronic pain from a vasectomy. Way more than you'd think. This must be a factor.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-vasectomy_pain_syndrome?wprov=sfla1

I’m sorry but 10% chance vs all the chances of something going wrong either with contraception to a women’s body, with pregnancy to a women’s body, with terminations to a women’s body.

Yeah yeah women can say no sex. What men are sticking around then. Erm near 0% faithfully.

Mine had it done. I had a mirena put in after my 3rd, and I made it clear that I was done with contraception when it needed to be removed. He had 5 years to get it sorted, and he eventually went when dd was 3. He however never went back for the follow up to check. But I didn’t take the mirena out til after about a year.

It gets played down? Women suffering from issues related to hormonal contraception, pregnancy, birth etc suffer in greater numbers and still it’s all about poor men who can’t take a tiny risk after everything women go through.

I’m not saying the risks or the burdens are equal. I had a very bad pregnancy with a traumatic birth and a birth injury that required surgery to ‘fix’ (it’s not really fixed), so I’m well aware of that. But I also don’t think it’s unreasonable for men to be worried about the after-effects. I’m glad DH hasn’t had to have one (secondary infertility means we don’t use contraception now) after seeing my brother’s chronic pain.

The questions asked in the OP is ‘why don’t more men get it done?’ - so I’m pointing out that fear of a poor outcome is one reason.

Had my third this week my husband is booking privately for the snip soon as I'm recovered we definitely couldn't manage 4. He has said it's the least he can do and I agree

So many men are just selfish and babies when it comes to a bit of discomfort.

My DH had a vasectomy at 28 because we did not want any children. He did not want me to be sterilised as that is a bigger op.

He said it was a bit uncomfortable but not painful. He went to work (manual job) the next day. That was nearly 40 years ago. No problems whatsoever.

Thankfully not all men are selfish babies.

I think more men should consider a vasectomy but it is their choice what they do with their body.

DH had one after I fell pregnant with number 4 (I had a termination). We had previously discussed it but he wasn't keen.

I didn’t say pregnancy wasn’t on me. I said contraception wasn’t all on me.

Condoms are 98% effective when used properly. So no, with a 2% failure rate and having only used condoms for 25 years with no issues, that’s not a good enough reason to pressure my DH into a procedure he does not want.

Me having gone through any number of procedures for birth or reproductive health is also not a reason to pressure another person into the decisions they make about their own body.

Please refrain from attempting to make another woman feel negatively towards a contraceptive choice she’s happy with.

It can be a low risk procedure but choose carefully where you get it done, if you can. Ask the unit what their statistics are for post procedure complications and their process for resolving issues. A unit in an NHS hospital that does many vasectomies in a year is likely to be a safer option, even if you pay privately to access it, but still ask them. You are looking for high clinical quality and good aftercare.

And weigh it up against the risks of not having the procedure at all on both of you!

Jesus wept

The midwife who discharged me and dc2 put me off. She launched into a rant about statistics about ongoing pain, claiming 25 percent. Then one of dh's colleagues ended up in hospital for a week following his and one of my cousins had issues too.

Dh is still willing to ahead but I'm uncomfortable if I'm honest.

We don’t want kids. I have asked DP to get one as both mid forties. He won’t as he read somewhere and his mates told him it affects his sensitivity whilst having sex and may feel numb and causes issues. No amount of education can change his mind. He doesn’t want sex to change.

can’t force him as his body so I am staying on the pill. It’s very annoying to be the sensible one but we both hate condoms and don’t want kids.

His body his choice and any procedure carries risks.

Likewise for women.

I nearly died from a DVT due to taking the pill and have had a lifetime of consequences as a result.

How much are we talking privately?? It's only around €700 in Ireland, and around here you can practically choose your date and time. €700 is a fraction of what I've paid for my pill prescriptions over the years... People with a medical card can probably get it done for free though. No idea of the wait if waiting for HSE though.

Mine had it and was fine and still is 15 years later

I had a tough couple of pregnancies and god bless him he stepped up on this one

i mentioned it to my gp at the time during my well woman chat and she was quite rude about it saying ‘what if he wants a second family’ ffs. I bet she’s the type to hold back hrt too 🙄