To wonder why more men don’t get the snip?

[Rainallnight]

When their family is complete.

Sparked by two (separate) people I know who recently got pregnant with or gave birth to their fourth child. Both shared freely that it was an accident - contraception failure. Life with 3 DC is full on and a bit of a struggle already in both cases. Neither felt abortion was an option for them.

When you’re 3 DC in and your family is complete, why on Earth are the men not going for the snip to bring an end to it all? And stop birth control being all on the woman?

Pretty obvious really. The vast majority of men are inherently selfish and thoughtless, and having an unwanted baby is not something many men care about. That's why many of them don't use condoms - even when shagging a relatively strange woman/on a one sight stand. They are not stuck with the baby. So they often have very little reason to have a vasectomy.

Also, men aren't going to butcher themselves - most of them anyway - or be in a position where they're not fertile anymore. Their fertility is extremely important to them. I have known several men who couldn't produce fertile sperm and create a baby, and it devastated them - because they felt useless and like less of a man. They're not either one of course, but they felt this. So most men are not going to have one of the things about them that makes them feel more masculine/more of a man, taken away from them.

They don't, because they don't want to.

My ex still insists I forced him into having one. I didn't. I simply came off contraception as it gave me hell, and stopped have penetrative sex. I make my choices sir, and you make yours 🤷🏾‍♀️.
He says he'd never have done it if I hadn't forced him.

If men were forced to pay for the children they helped create they might be more inclined to.

I say this having read many threads where absent fathers don't and also some threads where present fathers don't contribute fairly.

My DH had a vasectomy when he was 40. He did this completely willingly as he felt after me going through 3 pregnancies & births it was time he stepped up!

That was nearly 30 years ago and it's been wonderful never having to think about contraception again

Well you can flip it and say why don’t women get sterilised? They don’t because they simply don’t want to. Luckily both men and women can choose what they do with their body

Because they listen to the things that can go wrong. Completely forgetting that women have side effects from birth control/ pregnancy etc. But we are women so just have to suck it up.
But after years of miscarriages and finally two children my DH booked his appointment while on paternity leave.

All of the men I know in our friends and family (middle aged couples) have had it done. I think it’s the dutiful thing. I actually lose respect when women at work say their husbands ‘refuse’. Ugh what kind of man wouldn’t have a simple day procedure for his wife’s sake? A shit one.

£2,000 for a private one here which is actually less than I thought, so might float the idea with DH as he still has at least a year to wait most likely on NHS where we are.

I don't need one due to fertility issues, but I wouldn't get one due to the risks of complications.

I had a testicular infection as a teenager and the pain was horrific. If there is any risk of ongoing testicular pain, for the rest of my life, then there's zero chance of me having the procedure. There's also a risk of incontinence and impotence.

I think it's a bit rich for people to claim that somebody is 'selfish' for refusing to get a vasectomy. If you're that bothered, get yourself sterilised, abstain from sex or use condoms (or another form of contraception). Demanding/guilt-tripping a partner into having a procedure that could result in very negative outcomes is extremely shitty and selfish behaviour.

As for the doctors that warn/question men about the potential implications of their current relationships breaking down, I think they're doing their jobs properly and would be negligent not to discuss those possibilities.

I guess they don’t want to, and exercising a right to choose.

Which is absolutely fine, as long as they don’t pressure their female partners to put hormones into their bodies etc instead.

If they’re willing to use condoms , which are actually very reliable birth control, then it’s totally fine, I think.

Or abstinence I guess, but their partners might not like that either!

😮
She's been through 3 pregnancies and births.
Perhaps her partner could step up this time!

DH’s ex made him get the snip after she was done. Then immediately dumped him as the excitement of the risk factor was gone. Went on to have more kids with someone else. DH’s vasectomy turned out to be irreversible and permanently disabling. FML.

I think deep down they want to keep their options open in case they meet someone else.

This is the reason for many men who refuse to consider the op I think.

Sterilisation is a bigger op than a vasectomy. It also takes longer to recover - days rather than hours.

I would be willing to bet the number of women being sterilised is higher than the number of men getting vasectomies

My DH won't have the snip, so we use condoms as I don't like other birth control.

The bit that baffles me is he had a circumcision as an adult for medical reasons so the snip would be a doddle compared to that.

He 100% doesn't want any more kids, I wouldn't either. So like everything in our life the heavy lifting would land to me getting an abortion.

And it's significantly less reliable, contraception-wise, than vasectomy, and you're way less likely to be given it on the NHS. In fact, virtually the only time the NHS will do it is for women who have had multiple Csections where another pregnancy has the potential to be risky.

Vasectomy instead is a no brainer from a medical perspective.

I think it depends on who it is who doesn't want another child. I felt really strongly that I didn't want another child, whereas my husband would have been happy to have had another. Under those circumstances, I felt the onus was on me to use contraception and I would never have asked him to have a vasectomy.

Not available on the NHS where we live.

We can afford it privately, but I can imagine for a lot of people it's money that they'd rather not spend if there's free contraception available for the woman.

Exactly - it's way more of an operation!
And these are women suggesting their male partner has the operation after they have done the work of carrying and birthing babies for them.
It seems only fair the man then steps up and does his part.

And for people talking about the risk of a vasectomy - what about the numerous risks involved in pregnancy?? Few of us emerge unscathed from that!

My ex was really keen. He wanted to stop using condoms. Fine. Got a leaflet then bottled out🙄

Pregnancy and childbirth have far more risk of complications.

As I said before, sterilisation is a bigger op with a longer recovery time. For the majority of men a vasectomy is quick and easy with a very short recovery time.

I find all the stories of surprise 3rd or even 4th babies sad. What a choice - have a termination or a baby that you may well regret as it was not wanted.

If we all had to consider that our relationships might break down and we might want yet more children with someone new then no one would be responsible enough to have a vasectomy or sterilisation would they?

I may be wrong but isn’t female sterilising a lot more invasive and a bigger deal recovery wise?

Also add in the fact a lot of women in these couples will have already gone through pregnancies, births, tearing, episiotomies, cesarean sections (not to mention years of suffering the side effects from hormonal contraception) Yes it’s his body and choice but you do have to question these men not willing to do ONE thing.

I can't remember where I saw the stats but was shocked by how few men get vasectomies compared to women getting hysterectomies globally, considering how much simpler a vasectomy is. DH has offered to get one but I'm not sure it's worth it now as I'm nearly 47 and on the contraceptive implant!

A hysterectomy is not the equivalent of a vasectomy!