To wonder why more men don’t get the snip?

[Rainallnight]

When their family is complete.

Sparked by two (separate) people I know who recently got pregnant with or gave birth to their fourth child. Both shared freely that it was an accident - contraception failure. Life with 3 DC is full on and a bit of a struggle already in both cases. Neither felt abortion was an option for them.

When you’re 3 DC in and your family is complete, why on Earth are the men not going for the snip to bring an end to it all? And stop birth control being all on the woman?

I think more men are having in done. Often hear now that so so is off work for a few days/week as they are getting “fixed” some after their first child.

I think the men who don’t are the ones who would have more children if they ended up with a new women frankly. They might be done right now but say a new younger women who will want children, if his snipped that’s him off her list and he wants on the list. Just in case.

I'm on the fence to be honest. It's both parties responsibility so I don't understand the logic of men should have it and blame pregnancy solely on a man especially when a female is the one who has to go through the pregnancy and complications as well being the main carer for the first 6 months.

Both parties have choices it's not 1800s. I suppose a mature relationship would just discuss it and come up with an amicable opinion and if you can't then prevention to pregnancy is the least of your worries.

We have one child.. hubby had the snip when she was 18 months old. He had it done under a local (he said he thought they would be more gentle if he was awake).
He hardly even had a bruise..and certainly no swelling or pain.

No one knows what life will throw at you. It’s possible to change your mind further down the line. Plus if a marriage/ relationship breaks down , you may want another child with someone else at some point. I’d never have been sterilised for those reasons. Some men will think the same.

I really don't know. DH had his when our one child was about 2, waited about 4 weeks. Would have had it earlier if it weren't for COVID.

Just having given birth to my second, midwife said it's the kindest thing a man can do for his wife. His friend hadn't long had the snip too so it was pretty much on the agenda anyway. Think this normalised it for my husband. If its out of your frame of reference, it might seem scarier than it actually is. It's one of those things that once it's done, you realise it's really not as bad as you think (for most). And it's not even thought about anymore but just makes life so much more straight forward for us.

Because men in general are selfish and would rather women go through all the shit. That's it in a nutshell unfortunately.

Because society promotes that birth control, along with everything else, is a woman's responsibility. And because men can much more easily walk away from unwanted children. And because they will never experience the horror of finding out they are pregnant and having something growing inside them that they don't want to be there and having to go through a horrific time getting rid of it.

I have noticed that intelligent men tend to opt for vasectomies.

It’s possible to pay privately.

I wouldnt get sterilised or want my dp to.

It's not something people admit to but if I lost a dc I know I'd want a bereavement baby. I never want to close that door.

Not as risky as an unwanted pregnancy is for a woman though is it? Women take all sorts of risks to prevent pregnancy- long term side effects to hormonal contraceptives, painful coil fittings without pain relief etc, or then the risks of actually being pregnant and giving birth, or the risks and emotional aspects of termination.

God forbid men put themselves through a bit of discomfort and risk.

Lucky you! There will always be differing experiences

I wouldn’t have sex with a man selfish enough to think that contraception should only be my responsibility. DH got snipped when I was pregnant with our twins.

Not much to add to the main thread really but wanted to say to anicecuppateaa that I was in the same position as you but it was my 5th pregnancy having had 4 previous c sections. Got as far as the day of termination and my xh said I’d never forgive him if he pushed me to go through with it so we kept the pregnancy and it turned out well in the end. It was such an easy section and recovery as the hospital took great care due to the previous ones and I was sterilised at the same time. 15 years later I can’t imagine life without the one that I almost didn’t have x

Simply? Because they're not the ones literally left holding the baby

It's because historically men aren't expected to have their bits "messed about with". Women are resigned to internal exams, hysteroscopies, smear tests and birth rearranging the fanjos - all with minimal or no pain relief.

Most men wince at the mention of a vasectomy, as if it's been suggested it will be done with no anaesthetic and a rusty Stanley knife. Plus, to be "firing blanks" is not deemed by many men to be masculine.

Condoms may well be his responsibility but the responsibility and consequences of any failure, will be squarely on a woman's body. Always has been.

Because some men are selfish.

Around here it is a combination of 'manliness' , worry about things going wrong, a feeling that it is the woman's responsibility and the cost. The last of these is particularly irrational when compared against the cost of a child on its mother and the family.

I have several friends who have waited/waiting well over a year, another friend has actually went through menopause by the time they got their call ha! It took us a year to get ON the waiting list and we since gave up and went private. I know of people who were lucky and got it in a few months but like everything in the NHS services are stretched and you can't be guaranteed anything, we were prepared to wait for a while, but with literally no other suitable effective contraceptive options it was getting a bit impossible so we just went private.

Could you not have been sterilsed yourself?

My husband is on the waiting list...he has been for four years.

So yet again I've had to put hormones into my body to stop any more babies

Thank you!! I think people think I am making the waiting list up!! I wouldn't have shelled out thousands if it wasn't knocking on two years in total

They don't want to be messed about with and go through discomfort. They subconsciously feel they will have lost something of their manliness. They are used to women taking responsibility for things.

Female sterilisation is all of significantly more invasive and risky, less reliable, and much harder to get done on the NHS.

I don't think it's a case of people not admitting it, but rather not even thinking about it.