To wonder why more men don’t get the snip?

[Rainallnight]

When their family is complete.

Sparked by two (separate) people I know who recently got pregnant with or gave birth to their fourth child. Both shared freely that it was an accident - contraception failure. Life with 3 DC is full on and a bit of a struggle already in both cases. Neither felt abortion was an option for them.

When you’re 3 DC in and your family is complete, why on Earth are the men not going for the snip to bring an end to it all? And stop birth control being all on the woman?

Yes I agree with all of this. It does seem ridiculous that women go through so much to have babies and lots of men won’t have a procedure under local anaesthetic! I’ve had 3 c sections which in comparison seems a lot….

My husband is on the waiting list for his. After we had our two kids, I said I wasn't going through anything else contraceptive wise, no invasive stuff, no hormonal stuff. It is either condoms and only during parts of my cycle that are low risk or vasectomy. Funnily enough, he chose the latter! And does accept that after two pregnancies and sections that's it's his turn for a minor discomfort.

The waiting list is 18 months though!

Perhaps because one in ten suffer long term chronic pain and other issues?

My husband had the snip 2 years after our son's birth. I had a pregnancy scare, and it freaked me out big time. I was struggling with the Pill, having had various brands and only being able to take the Mini Pill. It meant relying on condoms, which can break or come off during sex. So my husband booked in to have the snip, best decision ever. I no longer need to take oral contraception and no more pregnancy worries.

I've no idea, I have several friends still taking hormonal contraception when they'd really rather not after years of taking it/having kids etc. But their husbands have point blank refused it because it's invasive!

Feel lucky my DH couldn't get to GP fast enough after our third.

I don’t understand it either. I read about it on here a fair bit but in the real life couples I know, almost all the men have had it done once their family is complete.

I do of course agree with ‘his body, his choice’, but in reality I would have been resentful if OH had refused to have it done because I hate the pill and neither of us like condoms.

All contraception has risks, (except condoms) for women
Pregnancy has risks for women.

I do think its fair for men to accept they should share the risk.

I said he had a choice, obviously. I’m not a total monster.

The choice was

• Get a vasectomy
• No more penetrative sex

He found that focussed the mind rather effectively. 6 weeks wait on NHS.

My husband was seen in a couple months 🤷‍♀️

Because men aren't used to having their bodies "messed with" in the same way that women are and they are usually quite cowardly about all things medical.

Because they see a vasectomy as an affront to their manhood. Men have very different views about their genitalia than women do. Their penis is their super power, the very thing that makes them a matcho man.

Because men, either consicously or subconciously, hold their options open much more than women do. No matter how happily married they are, there's always future scope to spread their seed.

Lastly, laziness. Why should they bother when their wives can just pop a pill.

People posting acting like its a total no brainer.... Its not a risk free procedure?

Yeah the risks are low but they are risks none the less and quite a lot of men naturally are a bit wary of ending up with issues with continence etc.

I think its up to each couple to decide what best for them in terms of contraception, vasectomy /having tubes tied are both very permanent decisions and people don't have to do it if they don't want.

Its a very permanent choice, i understand why people hesitate.

I think for women a decision to have your tubes tied is often made in your forties when you are headed towards being past bearing children anyway. Not to mention women are often absolutely certain they can't put their own body through another pregnancy. its not quite the same for men.

Have you got statistics to back up that bullshit rather bold claim?

How do they compare to the long term effects of pregnancy and childbirth?
Or, as I suspect, is “other issues” doing a lot of heavy lifting in that statement?

Interested to see those stats about 1 in 10 having chronic pain. The statistic my husband was given at GP consultation was one in 200 for chronic testicular pain. The one in 10 stuff was stuff like bruising, some fluid seepage, etc. from what I recall. The kind of stuff you would expect after any procedure really.

A percentage of vasectomies result in chronic pain, sometimes for many years. So that needs consideration. As does the possibility of marital breakdown at a later date - making the decision not ‘our family is complete’ but ‘I will never want to father another child’. Reversal is possible but not certain.

So it isn’t an entirely simple/straightforward decision, I suppose.

DH was very clear he was done at 2 DC and booked it as soon as I agreed. Which I appreciated. He was seen very quickly on the NHS and the procedure took about 20 minutes.

MyDBro, OTOH, wouldn't because he felt it would somehow reduce his masculinity, even though his DW suffers terribly with HG in pregnancies. 🤔

I agree it's their body and choice but it doesn't mean hard conversations can't be had. I think it's selfish to straight up say no without having discussion and looking into it. We went over what my body had been through to date and what I would have to go through physically and mentally if I got pregnant again. Women can have lifelong consequences from pregnancy/ birth related issues. He wasn't raring to get it done but did accept that it would bring more peace of mind to us both and that given what my body had been through he could step up. I respected and appreciated him doing it.

My DH is happy to have it done but I've said not to.
I have a friend who had some unpleasant side effects from the procedure, and currently my copper coil has no unwelcome side effects for me.
If the coil failed I might terminate, but it seems reasonably unlikely to happen.

And pregnancy and birth risks in comparison? But they're all taken by women so that's fine then. Any decent man who actually gives a shit about his partner / wife and who is not secretly hedging his bets for a future second family should be prepared to undergo the pretty bloody minimal risks involved. DP had one after I said no more pill after 25 years and two c section births and that's not even to his children! He wants sex with me minus condoms, he got the snip.

Surprised re the waiting times too. DP had his done at the GP, just the normal wait time for an appointment I think.

Why do they still have licences??

I asked my dh to get one but he is too scared of the procedure.

I also suspect a lot of men think pregnancy, child birth and raising said child is less of a consequence to them than it is to the mother .

It's on you if you get pregnant

Condoms fail

Because they’re too scared? If childbirth was down to men I’m sure there would be far fewer children

Where we live it's £££ for private with a surgeon with limited reviews or a very long wait on the NHS...