Husband upset about teachers saying ' boys can wear make up ' and taking about transgender people to our DD

[chocolatehu]

Before I start, this isn't meant to be inflammatory in any way.

I very much belief in ' live and let live '.

My husband also generally believes that but he also believes that our DD is very young and that talk around the kinds of things mentioned in my title - is too soon.

We have a son too and sometimes when he wants to put on makeup etc, my DH will say ' boys don't wear makeup '. My DD has come home several times, correcting us saying that her teacher told her that boys do wear makeup.

Yesterday my son was trying to wear hair clips and again, someone said ' those are for girls '. My DD answered that her teacher had told her that it was ok for boys to do those things and that her friend ( who's a boy ) is now getting married as a girl.

My husband feels it's too soon and confusing for a 4 year old to be told about this.

I think it's a sign we need to have some conversations with my DD, so she hears from us about this stuff.

My in laws and parents think it's completely inappropriate for teachers to be saying this sort of stuff and are wondering if the same sort of things would be said in a catholic school setting.

I think we should buy a book which explains homosexuality/ transgender issues in a child friendly way.

Please can someone who's been here, help me navigate ? Thank you. Again, I don't want to offend anyone.

i think at the age of 4 that’s far too young! They should be teaching the curriculum not about things like that at age 4. Id not be happy

This is great thank you.

Is your husband worried that your son will catch the gays by wearing hair clips?

He doesn't need to be.

Your husband just needs to get over it, tbh. People can wear whatever they want, it's not that deep!

Your husband needs educating and urgently otherwise your poor children will believe they are trans if they don't conform to outdated and inaccurate gender profiles!

You can't hide the world from children, a catholic school is as likely to have families with transgender people.

I wouldn't be getting into arguments with a four year old on any issue, regardless of your opinion. I say this from the perspective of a parent not my opinion on this trans issue.

Personally I would start bringing up a range of issues where you note, different people hold different beliefs etc.

When that concept is understood I think it is fairer on a child to then be taught their own cultural, religious beliefs.This sets the foundation of them having the ability to hold their own views separate to you, because they are going to need that with your husband. Very sad to hear parents raising boys with such outdated nonsense, poor kid.

Men and women can wear what they want, wear makeup, style their hair however they choose. Who cares?

However, Men and Women cannot change their sex and cannot expect to be treated as if they are the opposite sex.

If the teacher is teacher the former then it’s a non issue.

@InformEducateEntertain I think that's precisely what he's worried about. Man needs to educate himself.

i doubt they’re sitting at the whiteboard with a lesson focused on it.🙄It will have cropped up during fluid play.

I'm 45, female and very much like your husband.
I just accept I have to keep quiet about this stuff and other matters to survive.
I can be extremely angry about this world in private, but then I also have the choice to close the door and live in my own little world, without being embarrassed to admit it.

Good lord some of the most attractive men in the world have been what I would term androgynous.
David Bowie, Brad Pitt, Brett Anderson, Marc Bolan, John Lone, Dan Reed.
Saying Men can’t wear make up gives rise to those who don’t conform to societies gender stereotypes feeling that they are the wrong sex. This is why we are where we are now. People like the op’s dh stating only women do X and only men do Y, so a girl who likes football or sports must be a boy. A boy who likes ballet and dance must be a girt. No, you can like anything and still be the sex you were born.
I detest all this crap.

You're conflating two different stories (involving the same teacher) here.

I'm sorry that you married a sexist guy whose weird gendered nonsense has blinded him to reality (reality being that men -and boys- can and do wear makeup and hair clips) and made him want to treat your son and daughter differently. if your DD is allowed to wear these things, then your son should be as well.

if his reason for saying 'no makeup' to your DS was due to another reason (eg it's bad for young skin, a waste of money and the planet's resources, over-packaged, over-priced, made by a big multinational corporation that tests on animals and exploits its human workers, etc) then the same rules would apply to your DD.

I'm glad that your children have the benefit of another grown-up in their life to counter the sexism.

I do wonder if at a catholic school this could be different

Do you?

Unfortunately just because the Pope says X Y and Z doesn't make it so in the real world

Men (not necessarily trans or gay men) will still wear make up even if the Pope agrees with your old fashioned husband 🙄

If, at the age of 4, your child is correcting you on how boys and girls are identified and labelled, you may have quite a problem. If you and your husband wish to push back against this, some resources are here https://www.transgendertrend.com/schools-resources/.

And have a look through the Feminism board for guidance https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights

My son wears make up in the street, loads do.

This. Not GC. But I don't think this is remotely about gender/ sexuality and about kids being kids. If the teacher has said anything, it is more likely a long the lines of 'boys and girls can both dress up as dinosaurs/ fairies/ play with the tonka toys.'

@Marblesbackagain Exactly. I have six year old twins. They are familiar with all these concepts and their brains have not melted yet.

This thread truly saddens me. No child should be brought up with this bullshit in this day and age.

I find this a tricky question with parenting. In what circumstances do you start with general catergories, dichotomies, and then problematise them later, and in which circumstances to explain that general dichotomies can be problematic from the beginning. A bit like when you learn things at GCSE and then at A-Level find out actually no, some of that was such such an oversimplification that it was actually wrong.

Has he never heard of Boy George or Adam Ant?

@Nothatgingerpirate You're angry some men choose to wear make up? Really? To the point where you seethe behind closed doors??

Her 4 year old is correcting her husband when he makes harmful gender stereotypes.

Is this not ok in your house then?🤔

www.charlottetilbury.com/uk/secrets/makeup-for-men?srsltid=AfmBOoqrQWZ4WyGD-KaYZOXp-8AnMkeOxhAcOseIaHjqJqV4FUGMjF_W

Interesting neither of you have the guts to voice your outdated beliefs to the school but prefer to start an inflammatory thread on MN. I guess you know your market.🙄

Have only read OP's posts.

Is your DH also old fashioned about toys? Hobbies? Chores? Jobs? Inheritance? Caring for you when old?

Your husband is sexist and reinforcing the kind of gender stereotypes that makes boys who want to wear hair clips or girls who like football and short hair question whether they are the right gender.

It's a very good point that I'm going to put to him.