Husband upset about teachers saying ' boys can wear make up ' and taking about transgender people to our DD

[chocolatehu]

Before I start, this isn't meant to be inflammatory in any way.

I very much belief in ' live and let live '.

My husband also generally believes that but he also believes that our DD is very young and that talk around the kinds of things mentioned in my title - is too soon.

We have a son too and sometimes when he wants to put on makeup etc, my DH will say ' boys don't wear makeup '. My DD has come home several times, correcting us saying that her teacher told her that boys do wear makeup.

Yesterday my son was trying to wear hair clips and again, someone said ' those are for girls '. My DD answered that her teacher had told her that it was ok for boys to do those things and that her friend ( who's a boy ) is now getting married as a girl.

My husband feels it's too soon and confusing for a 4 year old to be told about this.

I think it's a sign we need to have some conversations with my DD, so she hears from us about this stuff.

My in laws and parents think it's completely inappropriate for teachers to be saying this sort of stuff and are wondering if the same sort of things would be said in a catholic school setting.

I think we should buy a book which explains homosexuality/ transgender issues in a child friendly way.

Please can someone who's been here, help me navigate ? Thank you. Again, I don't want to offend anyone.

Has your husband never seen a male goth or punk? They wear makeup, it’s not just transgender.

What do you think?
i wouldn’t stop my ds wearing makeup which he does sometimes. Anyone can wear make up.

It sounds like your husband wants to push his beliefs rather than have the teachers push theirs.

Why not stick with reality?

Boys obviously can wear make up.

Some men marry men and some women marry women.

Some people believe they're the opposite sex (this one is trickier, I tackle it in the same way as religions "some people believe..." Etc.)

Of course he has, but he just wants them to understand that in general - boys don't wear makeup. If he decided to wear makeup when he's older, he wants to wear makeup. It's a different thing. I guess he wants the starting point to be that they don't in our family when they're children.

Boys can wear make up, skirts and heels. It may make your husband uncomfortable that they do, but it doesn't make them girls.

But boys can wear make up and hair clips.

What they can't do is turn into girls by wearing make up and hair clips.

I've always told my DC that clothes/make up/accessories are for everyone.

From what you've said it doesn't sound as if the teacher is talking about trans people - just saying that both boys and girls can wear make up etc?

I wouldn't be happy with my husband (or anyone) stopping my child having fun trying out new things so I'd be focusing on that if I were in your situation.

Your dd isn’t being told anything about anything, just that boys can wear make up or hair clips if they want.

it’s your husband that’s projecting sexuality onto child appropriate conversation, not a teacher.

And this is exactly why school is giving a different point of view, so kids don’t end up like your DH, so they are open minded and accepting of others.

Boys do wear make up.

They wear make up if they are actors and in a stage show.

They wear make up if they are appearing on TV - most TV shows will do make up for anyone appearing on them as TV changes the colours and make up adjusts it back to what people expect.

Sometimes they wear make up if they are singers (opera or otherwise) or dancers.

I'm a bit confused by your rigid statement.

In addition, some people (of both sexes) use make up if they have facial problems they are trying to hide.

Anyone can wear make up or accessories or clothes.

No one can change sex but some people might believe they are happier believing they are a different gender to the one they were born and we can respect that belief in the way we do when we respect others religions. I would be making it very clear though that this is a belief not a reality and that clothes and accessories and behaviours do not define someone’s gender

My DD was being told about a transgender person too- someone who was a boy, who's now a girl.

Your husband is being very silly and reinforcing ridiculous gender bullshit.

If your son wants to wear hair clips - let him. Far better than the alternative of him wanting to wear hair clips, being forbidden because "hair clips are for girls", and then deciding he must in fact be a girl because he still wants to wear the hair clips but can't because he's a boy!

My 21 year old son wears more makeup than me. He’s not a goth or punk. Since when do boys not wear make up? Has your husband been asleep the past 30 years?

1). Anyone can wear make up.

2). Do you believe the science that small gamete producers are male and large gamete producers are female? If not, why not?

3). How do you teach your daughter to believe what she sees and put correct language to what she sees?

4). At what age do you trust your daughter to go to a toilet on her own at a swimming pool etc knowing that adult, intact males share the space?

I’m team dh. At age 4, there should be no such thing as sex education.

This. Your Dh is pushing gender stereotypes . Your teacher is trying to correct these to support your DD with understanding that more accurately reflects the world.

@LeopardPrintIsANeutraI it's also a valid point that I'll make to him.

My son is just curious. It's totally normal.

Your husband sounds like he has very rigid gender norms if he thinks boys should not wear make up or use hair clips.

Half the men I know these days have long hair (it's very fashionable) and tie it back in a man bun. Does he think these men are not "real men"?

But was she? Or was she just repeating something another child had made up? Was her teacher saying 'this boy is now a girl'?

I'm as GC as they come but I would be ok with someone saying a child can pretend to be something they are not. They just can't magically become it

This. Exactly this.

She was actually more specific. She said my teacher said her brother is now getting married as a girl. She very clearly said that to me. After my son was trying to wear a hair clip and a relative said ' only girls wear hair clips '. So I know it's not in her head. It was said. I don't have a problem with it per se that the teacher said I see it as a sign that we need to start talking about this.

But I do feel it's a bit soon.

At 4 the teacher should be letting the parents know 'oh this topic came up' and let the parents address it. There was really no need for her own personal anecdotes about boys turning into girls.

I don't think I'd have an issue if for example Ben wanted to wear a dress in the dressing up box and someone said he couldn't so the teacher corrects that anyone can wear anything in the dressing up box.

You're getting very confused imo

Guys wearing make up or pretty-ing their hair doesn't mean they're trans or gay

Please educate yourself and the adults in your family

Your poor kids 🙄

I agree that it’s too young for school to be covering this stuff. Schools are too keen to parent children sometimes.

Last year the teachers told me that there was a day the boys wanted to wear dresses and apparently all the girls said they're not allowed to and dresses are for girls. So the teachers put the girls right and the boys and girls all had a whale of a time.