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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To begrudge her perfect little life

738 replies

Sistafromanothermista · 18/10/2024 00:25

I’m struggling to articulate this but I have a friend who I actually really like as a person but can’t help begrudge her life sometimes.

we went to school together and she was a high flying achiever. Type A person who was never in trouble but pushed boundaries if she thought teachers were wrong or there was an injustice etc. She was a workaholic and wanted to focus on her career with no time for boys, alcohol and ‘distractions’ like that.

we lost touch for a few years and got back in touch recently and I feel I don’t know, demoralised maybe, because of how her life has turned out.

when we met up again she told me she’d met someone (I was happy for her because I knew she had been in an abusive relationship for a while) and was happy. She then goes on to show me pictures of his proposal (think movie style every girl’s dream rose petals and swan towels) and says they’ve booked their wedding. Again all good.

she THEN proceeds to tell me shes 16 weeks pregnant and her and her fiancée had bought a house. I without thinking asked how can you afford all this…of course miss workaholic accelerated in her finance role.

since we’ve gotten closer she’s had her wedding and just so happened that her husband has made friends with my friends through a hobby. They all went out recently (as in all the men), including my own boyfriend. They went to a more sleazy part of town and I (and this is so horrible I know) asked specifically about my friends husband to see if he’d been upto anything (a couple of the other men had). Apparently her husband talked about her the whole night, didn’t drink alcohol and went home early because he missed her.

just tonight she text me to tell me she’s expecting another baby and how she would love to meet for lunch. She’s a lovely woman and she has a heart of gold and she should obviously be so proud of herself but for fuck sake I just feel like I can’t catch a break around her sometimes. Aibu?

edited to say: she’s stunning by the way. She was always attractive in school but when I saw her again she looked like a real elegant type of stunning. I’m not bad myself but again I just feel a bit bleugh when I’m with her.

OP posts:
mightymam · 18/10/2024 00:30

Urgh, she needs to distance herself from you, the poor woman. You're giving off some really mean girl vibes.

SilverChampagne · 18/10/2024 00:30

What does she have that isn’t achievable for you, apart from her career that she’s obviously worked bloody hard for?
Is your relationship lacking by comparison?

StepawayfromtheLindors · 18/10/2024 00:30

YABU for envying someone a proposal that involved “swan towels”.

Original poster
Sistafromanothermista · 18/10/2024 00:31

SilverChampagne · 18/10/2024 00:30

What does she have that isn’t achievable for you, apart from her career that she’s obviously worked bloody hard for?
Is your relationship lacking by comparison?

I think this is part of it. She’s obsessed with her husband and it’s just nauseating because he’s as obsessed with her. I can’t decide if I don’t like it or if I want it. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
SilverChampagne · 18/10/2024 00:31

StepawayfromtheLindors · 18/10/2024 00:30

YABU for envying someone a proposal that involved “swan towels”.

The mind boggles 😆

healthybychristmas · 18/10/2024 00:31

She has obviously had her sad times if she was in an abusive relationship. Her self-esteem will have been low at that point. To make yourself happier you don't have to drag anyone else down. Ask her for advice on how to make your own life happier if that's what you want to do.

Original poster
Sistafromanothermista · 18/10/2024 00:32

StepawayfromtheLindors · 18/10/2024 00:30

YABU for envying someone a proposal that involved “swan towels”.

I don’t envy that i was trying to make the point of how over the top the proposal was

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 18/10/2024 00:32

Ah op it's just that saying comparison is the thief of joy, isn't it.

What you're seeing right now is a good period in her life. But it's not always been like that clearly and it may not always be like that.

Some people are perhaps luckier or more privileged in life, but everyone has their ups and downs and I'm sure she's had periods where she's looked at your life and envied where you've been in life. Especially if she's been in and then escaped from an abusive relationship.

None of us know what's around the corner, you could win the lottery tomorrow and something awful could happen in her life you just never know. So personally I'd be trying to focus on your own joy and success without comparing. Be happy for her that life is good for her right now but don't feel like it takes anything away from you at all. Envying her isn't going to do you any favours as you'll just be focusing on all the wrong things. If there are elements of your life that you wish you had and its within your ability to change those things, then make a plan to do that and address it head on. If its not within your ability to change then work on accepting it and focusing on the other things that bring you joy.

Noone really knows what goes on behind closed doors.

StepawayfromtheLindors · 18/10/2024 00:32

SilverChampagne · 18/10/2024 00:31

The mind boggles 😆

Show quote history

Everything about the OP post makes my mind boggle 🙄

SilverChampagne · 18/10/2024 00:33

Sistafromanothermista · 18/10/2024 00:31

I think this is part of it. She’s obsessed with her husband and it’s just nauseating because he’s as obsessed with her. I can’t decide if I don’t like it or if I want it. Does that make sense?

Show quote history

Why is it nauseating? It’s literally nothing to do with you, unless you’re jealous, which is entirely on you and what’s lacking in your own life.

StepawayfromtheLindors · 18/10/2024 00:34

Sistafromanothermista · 18/10/2024 00:32

I don’t envy that i was trying to make the point of how over the top the proposal was

Show quote history

So what exactly is your point? So what if the proposal was “over the top “?

Original poster
Sistafromanothermista · 18/10/2024 00:35

StepawayfromtheLindors · 18/10/2024 00:34

So what exactly is your point? So what if the proposal was “over the top “?

Show quote history

As in oh of course she had the big movie style proposal that you would watch in a movie and say to yourself ‘aye as if it happens like that in real life’

OP posts:
ThatTealViewer · 18/10/2024 00:35

Her wins don’t take anything away from you. If you don’t like your life, then do something about it.

StepawayfromtheLindors · 18/10/2024 00:35

I’m thinking the same about your post tbh

Original poster
Sistafromanothermista · 18/10/2024 00:36

SilverChampagne · 18/10/2024 00:33

Why is it nauseating? It’s literally nothing to do with you, unless you’re jealous, which is entirely on you and what’s lacking in your own life.

Show quote history

Just how obsessed they are. Don’t get me wrong I love my boyfriend and he loves me but we don’t treat everyday like a honeymoon

OP posts:
ThatTealViewer · 18/10/2024 00:36

Sistafromanothermista · 18/10/2024 00:35

As in oh of course she had the big movie style proposal that you would watch in a movie and say to yourself ‘aye as if it happens like that in real life’

Show quote history

If you don’t envy it, what’s its relevance to this story?

feathermucker · 18/10/2024 00:37

You sound jealous and bitter. You do motions like you would be a good friend to her. Comparison is the thief of joy and you'd be better advised to work on your own happiness rather than begrudging someone else their happiness/life and inwardly (and outwardly on here) mocking proposals, lifestyle etc.

This is not healthy.

Edingril · 18/10/2024 00:37

What is a 'little' life you sound like you have serious issues, don't put them on to someone else

You're jealous that is on you

ThatTealViewer · 18/10/2024 00:37

StepawayfromtheLindors · 18/10/2024 00:35

I’m thinking the same about your post tbh

Yes. It’s a bit…creative writing.

Amityhill · 18/10/2024 00:37

What is the point of this post?!
you clearly don’t like her so leave her alone so she can spend time with her friends

TheaBrandt · 18/10/2024 00:37

You sound very bitter and unhappy with your own circumstances to be voicing these thoughts. Surely a normal secure person would be happy for their friend ?

WhatWouldHopperDo · 18/10/2024 00:37

Kindly, I think you need to recognise this is your problem and nothing to do with her. If she’s been in an abusive relationship are you not just happy that she has found someone who loves her and treats her nicely?

Nobody’s life is perfect but if she has everything she wants and has worked hard to get it, good for her.

Some of the things you have written about her aren’t that nice. That says more about you than it does about her.

feathermucker · 18/10/2024 00:38

*You do not sound

Can't edit.

nOasistickets · 18/10/2024 00:38

I feel bad for her that she has a friend like you - you say she has a heart of gold and it sounds like she deserves all she has - you’re happy to go out with her and (apparently) share in her joys, then try to find out if her husband is a sleazebag in some
bizarre attempt to make it seems she’s not got a great life 🤔 with friends like you…. Who needs enemies! So what if they are OTT?! How does her relationship affect you?! Honestly OP - think about how you’re behaving, and perhaps create some
distance from her - this can’t be good for her.

Dotto · 18/10/2024 00:39

It's horrible that you are so mean spirited about her. This thread is fairly identifying. It's so sad that she thinks you like her, yet you seem to see her as a frenemy. These issues are yours alone and you could do with working on your self-esteem.