To begrudge her perfect little life

[Sistafromanothermista]

I’m struggling to articulate this but I have a friend who I actually really like as a person but can’t help begrudge her life sometimes.

we went to school together and she was a high flying achiever. Type A person who was never in trouble but pushed boundaries if she thought teachers were wrong or there was an injustice etc. She was a workaholic and wanted to focus on her career with no time for boys, alcohol and ‘distractions’ like that.

we lost touch for a few years and got back in touch recently and I feel I don’t know, demoralised maybe, because of how her life has turned out.

when we met up again she told me she’d met someone (I was happy for her because I knew she had been in an abusive relationship for a while) and was happy. She then goes on to show me pictures of his proposal (think movie style every girl’s dream rose petals and swan towels) and says they’ve booked their wedding. Again all good.

she THEN proceeds to tell me shes 16 weeks pregnant and her and her fiancée had bought a house. I without thinking asked how can you afford all this…of course miss workaholic accelerated in her finance role.

since we’ve gotten closer she’s had her wedding and just so happened that her husband has made friends with my friends through a hobby. They all went out recently (as in all the men), including my own boyfriend. They went to a more sleazy part of town and I (and this is so horrible I know) asked specifically about my friends husband to see if he’d been upto anything (a couple of the other men had). Apparently her husband talked about her the whole night, didn’t drink alcohol and went home early because he missed her.

just tonight she text me to tell me she’s expecting another baby and how she would love to meet for lunch. She’s a lovely woman and she has a heart of gold and she should obviously be so proud of herself but for fuck sake I just feel like I can’t catch a break around her sometimes. Aibu?

edited to say: she’s stunning by the way. She was always attractive in school but when I saw her again she looked like a real elegant type of stunning. I’m not bad myself but again I just feel a bit bleugh when I’m with her.

You don't get swan towels in a premier inn. So must be pretty fancy 😂

You sound nasty and if your friend had any sense she’d cut you out, because you clearly don’t like her and don’t want to see her happy. Her life and her happiness should not have bearing on your own. If you’re unhappy with aspect of your life, the only way to change that is by working on it yourself. Not by dragging other people down, especially not if by the sounds of it they had their own share of trauma to deal with. You don’t sound like a good friend at all, maybe start there before slagging her off.

🦢🦢🦢

https://youtube.com/shorts/e29ZYjg0ffY?si=3u56r4U-T0LuvPKb

Be honest, you'd have bloody loved it if you'd found out he was up to no good.
We're all only human. But - and I mean this kindly - you do realise the issue lies with you, not her?

Why are you “obsessing”, to use your phrase, about someone else’s relationship?
Focus on your own.

As an adult I try to let these kinds of people inspire and motivate me, rather than make me feel shit. You could write down the key points of envy you have about her life - and then reflect on those areas in your own life and how you could make improvements and changes that are meaningful to you and your situation.

Nobody who's been abused has a "perfect little life". Get over yourself and get that chip off your shoulder. You're behaving like a nasty, jealous piece of work with regard to her and this bitching about someone who thinks you're a friend is really unpleasant and playground. Is that who you want to be? You won't bring yourself up by putting others down because of your own self esteem problems, OP.

Envy eats people up. Focus on what you have in your own life and don't worry about anyone else's. Life is unpredictable and you never know what is ahead even for the most 'blessed' people. Be happy for her if you really are her friend and if you can't then step back and leave her to find more real friends.

This woman is out of your league. She sounds like a lovely woman who has found love and happiness. You don’t write kindly about her and you need to get a handle on your green-eyed monster.

Swan towels and rose petals? No, thank you.
Expecting another child? No, thank you.
What's exactly here to be begrudged?
How weird.
😐

You sound jealous and bitter. She deserves a better friend.

"... since we’ve gotten closer she’s had her wedding and just so happened that her husband has made friends with my friends through a hobby. They all went out recently (as in all the men), including my own boyfriend. They went to a more sleazy part of town and I (and this is so horrible I know) asked specifically about my friends husband to see if he’d been upto anything (a couple of the other men had)...

Asking your boyfriend about your friend's husband isn't just "horrible" - you sound outright weird...

If it makes you feel any better, just remember that there are a very large number of people having absolutely fantastic lives, in loving relationships, looking great, feeling great, successful with great families and homes and careers and lots of money.

So far none of these individuals have particularly affected you (I'm assuming) despite the fact that they've always been there and always will. There will always be people like this having a wonderful enviable life. You just don't happen to know them personally.

She's just another one of these people.

None of those people made you feel down like this, did they? Do you regularly drive to the nicest part of town and watch the rich happy families going about their lives? I assume not. So these people don't have any effect on your psyche.

She is another one of those.

And if that doesn't help then just think of how many people might be living in dire circumstances and were they to see you on the street or know about your life, they'd be wishing they had anything even close to it.

I think if you were not jealous then you wouldn't have posted this.

Are you being unreasonable to begrudge her perfect little life?

Yes

And you're being nasty, petty and jealous too

Don't compare your life with others in this envious way, you will never find your own happiness.

What do you wanf to improve in your life, focus on that and aim to achieve it. It's hard to tell from your post what it is you are lacking maybe children, maybe marriage, maybe you need to look at your career and make a change. Pick something achievable and go for it. Use this envy to improve you.

Feelings are just feelings. You're not a horrible person for having them. If her marriage is making you reflect on your own relationship, that might not be a bad thing. She obviously values your friendship for who you are, so I'd just enjoy it. I have a few very high earning friends. I love it. I always think "if I ever fell on hard times....." 😀She made sacrifices as a teen in order to get ahead by the sounds of it. Good on her. Can't be cross when a grafter is rewarded for her efforts.

Yes I agree, it sounds like you want marriage and children. Do you have that?

Focus on what you want and go and get it.

If you are envious of her career, be inspired by it.
If you are envious of her pregnancies then I assume you want children. Tell your boyfriend what you want. Think about your relationship and if it's going where you want and take steps to make your life the way you want it to be.

You give off Regina George vibes…

@Sistafromanothermista I just feel like I can’t catch a break around her sometimes

What do you mean you can’t catch a break? A break from what?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but you sound deeply jealous of her life, her circumstances, and it appears that you have really low self esteem. Someone who knows their worth and is happy in life wouldn’t speak about a friend like this. This really is a disturbing and horrible read.

If you’re so nauseated by her, end the friendship. Life’s too short to be unhappy and jealous.

Also, people who appear to have “perfect little lives” usually don’t.

Jealousy is an extremely unattractive trait

I don’t think you’re very happy op, and I think in your mind you’re trying to tell yourself it’s because your experience is normal and therefore hers is excessive or over the top- but it’s just her reality.

she has nothing you can’t achieve yourself, it’s just easier for you not to and instead of recognising your lack of ambition and willingness to accept less than, you’re begrudging of those who did go for big.

you are ultimately most unreasonable for feeling this way knowing she’s suffered an abusive relationship though, and for calling her a friend. She might be yours but you are certainly no friend to her.

Wow, you really hate your 'friend'. Please leave her to her life that she's clearly worked hard to build. She doesn't need this kind of negativity, especially coming from someone she imagined actually likes her.

She is a workoholic who was in an abusive relationship. Her life hasn’t all been sun shine and swan towels.

WTF is your problem? The old saying who needs enemies with friends like this? Surely this is a reverse of some type or just made up