AIBU to feel uncomfortable about sharing pronouns?

[Oodiks]

I am on the interview panel for a junior position in my office and have been given a sample set of interview questions to amend as necessary for the advertised post. It's a 2-person panel and the other person is happy to share their pronouns but I'd rather not. Also, the first question invites them to tell us a little bit about themselves, where they are from, what their interests are, and what their pronouns are.

It seems to me that if the other person on the panel shares their pronouns and I don't then it shows that sharing is optional, and I'd like to change the interview question to tell them they are welcome to share their pronouns if they choose rather than straight out ask them.

Am I being unreasonable to feel uncomfortable about sharing pronouns or not?

Thoughts?

Oh god, this kind of bollocks makes me want to stop the planet and get off.

My completely blunt advice is don't mention anything about pronouns and privately thank any interviewees for showing you clearly that they're possibly going to BE hard work rather than DOING hard work.

I wouldn’t ever ask anyone their pronouns as I don’t care what they are. Also, the kind of person who cares about pronouns will tell you several times whether or not you ask, so no point asking.

If pressed I have decided on I, me and us.

Can’t it just be left out? I’m sure anyone who wants to share, can and will. I just wouldn’t bring it up/mention it.

I'd point out that it's probably not a good idea as the candidate shouldn't be sharing any personal information in an interview so the panel sharing pronouns might encourage them to disclose

Amend the 'what their pronouns are' to something like 'what do you prefer to be called'. That gives them the opportunity for 'preferred pronouns' if they want, but also the IRL much more useful and uncontroversial Rob/Bob/Robert type of thing.

This is a sensible thing to point out.

Also, look up the "stereotype threat" - unnecessarily emphasising that someone is female in a mixed-sex workplace can cause them to be treated worse, and also cause them to perform worse. Introducing a factor into recruitment that may disproportionately negatively impact women applicants is not a good idea, on many levels.

No, don't mention your pronouns and don't mention to candidates that they can tell you their pronouns. It's not relevant in a job interviews interview as you are talking TO them and not ABOUT them. It's tedious, it's off putting for interviewees who are uncomfortable with the whole pronoun thing or who are gender critical and, frankly, I would discourage the other panel member from stating their pronoun because you're unlikely to see most of them again.

If you just ignore it, do you think you can bypass it? Tell them about you and your job and just don't mention pronouns?

I work at a university, and they make a big deal out of making people feel comfortable by inviting them to share their pronouns, but it makes me feel uncomfortable.

The uni's webpage on pronouns includes the following:

'You are welcome to ask what pronouns people use to ensure you know how to refer to them. However, it is important not to put anyone on the spot or unintentionally “out” people, so consider asking privately or normalize the option of sharing pronouns. For example: “What pronouns do you use?”'

To me that doesn't 'normalize the option'; it normalizes asking!!

Do you have to mention it at all? After all, the sort of person who subscribes to this cobblers will tell you whether you ask or not

How does this even work as an interview situation. Surely the application form should cover this if it's something the company really feels necessary to cover. Surely the candidate is 'you' to the interviewer and the same in reverse. If you talk about yourself then you are 'I'. It doesn't make any sense.

the first question invites them to tell us a little bit about themselves, where they are from, what their interests are, and what their pronouns are.

The first question should invite them to tell us a little bit about themselves, where they are from, what their interests are, and whether they have any special (counter-intuitive) pronouns that we should know about or not?

You know and your colleague knows that stating your preferred pronouns is super high-vis fashionable at the moment but lots of people will be very uncomfortable with the question, so the question should be optional.

My suggestion more fully and appropriately takes care of 'ensure you know how to refer to them'.
Asking for 'pronouns' while ignoring preferred variations of their name is silly virtue signalling, as (or more) likely to make people feel uncomfortable than comfortable.

I hate this. “Yes Jane, I know you’re a she/her. If you change your mind, let me know, but otherwise let’s just assume the standard pronouns apply!”
its just an organisation screaming “look, aren’t we wonderfully inclusive” 🙄

Oh my god what is happening to the world. Just stop.

My colleague is under the impression that asking for pronouns is inclusive. I should add that she's a good couple of decades younger than me.

My colleague is under the impression that asking for pronouns is inclusive. I should add that she's a good couple of decades younger than me.

So maybe you should tell her, with the voice of experience, that it's really not.

I get pissed off enough being referred to as Ms when I have clearly stated Miss. As for pronouns, I've only ever had people present me with theirs in the first conversation we've had. Funny that none of them asked for mine afterwards. As if they needed to get it out there for me to consider. Very one sided but I also think the people would have been disappointed in my response being the age old "erm, she/her"... They/them is plural.

Unfortunatly the world is spinning off and there's no escape raft. Angry MRA happened to the world, they caught the eye of bored teenagers desperate to be 'special', alongside Big Pharma seeing a lifelong money spinner in treating well people.

Are pronouns not the new vegans?

Puts hard hat on and ducks and tucks...

Anyone who is bothered about you knowing either of these will undoubtedly make it VERY CLEAR...

I've realised I've never been asked my pronouns, or to share them.

But if it should happen, I've got my answer prepared.

--

No thank you.

Formally requiring people to share pronouns could be seen as bullying and harassment:

⏹️It assumes that everyone shares the same belief system - which is not true. Belief is a protected characteristic.

⏹️Requiring it is compelled speech - which goes against freedom of speech.

⏹️Persisting and pressing people to share pronouns could make a person who is questioning their own identity:

a) feel pressurised into outing themselves, before they feel ready to do so at their own pace, or

b) feel pressurised into actively lying about themselves - because they don't feel ready.

This goes against all HR guidance - it’s not appropriate to put interviewees into the position of feeling obliged to share pronouns. You’re basically asking someone to out themselves as trans (if they are) which isn’t appropriate and could lead to all sorts of issues. Fine to share yours if you wish (doesn’t sound like it😂) and fine for them to volunteer but don’t ask them.

It's an area I know to be cautious around as the culture at the university is all about 'inclusiveness'. I've got myself on a couple of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion committees so that I can stress the importance of inclusion for disabilities and religious practices (eg not holding big events on important religious holidays)

I am confused about this, are they asking you to share YOUR pronouns to the interviewee or are you expected to ask the interviewee about their pronouns?
Either way, it sounds like real hard work, and actually not that helpful, what does it matter? surely you are trying to simply get the best person for the job? They can have whatever pronouns they like when they start with you, and raising it in an interview as an interview question is surely wrong, and likely to cause some sort of bias in some situations? I have interviewed loads in my time, and explaining my pronouns would also be out of place, it is not about me, it is about them and their suitability for the job. Nothing to do with how I identify. It's weird and worth questioning. Hope this helps. x