AIBU to feel uncomfortable about sharing pronouns?

[Oodiks]

I am on the interview panel for a junior position in my office and have been given a sample set of interview questions to amend as necessary for the advertised post. It's a 2-person panel and the other person is happy to share their pronouns but I'd rather not. Also, the first question invites them to tell us a little bit about themselves, where they are from, what their interests are, and what their pronouns are.

It seems to me that if the other person on the panel shares their pronouns and I don't then it shows that sharing is optional, and I'd like to change the interview question to tell them they are welcome to share their pronouns if they choose rather than straight out ask them.

Am I being unreasonable to feel uncomfortable about sharing pronouns or not?

Thoughts?

Any sex could have husband and children so not sure how that's relevant? Men probably wouldn't talk about their kids at work so much?

If I was asked my preferred pronouns in an interview I think I would be withdrawing my application. What they are really saying is 'This institution supports self identification. If you work here you must too'. It suggests an environment that is completely intolerant of anyone who doesn't share the same belief system, which to me is literally the opposite of inclusion.

I definitely wouldn't ask for pronouns. Aside from privately thinking that's a load of bullshit, IMO that's an invasive question and opens up the road to possible discrimination for the interviewees. I don't give a flying monkeys about pronouns, but what if an interviewee felt compelled to out themselves as trans to a hostile interviewer??

I agree with a pp about asking what name to use. That's pretty standard and then the interviewee can disclose anything extra like pronouns if they'd like/feel comfortable.

What's the problem with not checking? You'd only refer to someone as he/she/they if you're talking about them, not to them, surely?

If someone referred to me as 'he' I'd likely not even know. We can't compel other people not to speak about us in a particular way when we're not in the room.

And piss off with your 'older generations' nonsense. You have no idea how old anyone responding here is.

OMG - I wish!!!

That's a good one 😁

Thanks, I'm British, but I'm living in the US currently and don't think UK legislation and guidance will be acceptable. Good to have the links though.

I love that!

Wouldn't the most inclusive thing be to be your colleague shares their pronouns, you don't, then the interviewee feels they can if they want to, but don't have to.

In an interview it's not relevant. When will you refer to them as they/she/he whatever? You'd use you or if referring to colleague, youd use her name..

And asking is, as people say, asking about a protected characteristics.

That's pretty much what I'm suggesting, but I don't think my colleague is happy about it.

If they were calling me "he", "they" or indeed the obvious "she" in my presence in the context of an interview, the odds are that they'd be bloody rude talking about me in the 3rd person anyway. In private away from my presence it would not make a jot of difference to my life or feelings.

The 2nd person "you/ we" would cover most pronoun requirements in an interview situation.

I'd mainly have the need to refer to myself in the 1st person.

I've managed 40+ years without a need to clarify my sex or pronouns. My sex is potentially a trigger for discrimination. Drawing unnecessary attention to it is not to my benefit.

If someone feels the need to clarify their perceptions of their gender, so be it, but forcing the question can make people feel uncomfortable for a multitude of reasons.

Gawd, that makes it sound like you'd ask them creepily in a corner

I've managed 40+ years without a need to clarify my sex or pronouns.

I haven't, but the times I have pointed out I am not "Sir" usually causes much more embarrassment to them than me - because it usually meant they weren't looking anywhere but the till. (The joys of a male-dominated workforce.)

"sir" isn't a pronoun.

I doubt the till checkout person is going to even mention you after you've left.

I know it's not a pronoun, but it is a gendered word used to address people.

Till checkout person knew exactly who I was, as it was an on-site concession at the office, and I was a frequent customer.

This reminds me of a meeting I had with children's mental health services.

The person introduced themselves along with their pronouns, then asked my preferred pronouns. I looked at them quite blankly as I'd never come across this before and actually found it quite rude and odd.

They then asked my 7 year old what their preferred pronoun was at which point I got a fit of giggles and pointed out we were here as they were likely autistic and also a selective mute and they'd be waiting a long time for an answer.

If someone feels strongly enough about their pronouns then they can just correct someone if they get it wrong. If they get insulted because someone gets the pronouns wrong then that says more about them. As a child I was always referred to as "he" and I just politely corrected people. No big deal.

Asking for pronouns is not inclusive. In a situation with a clear power imbalance like interviewer/interviewee, it's pressuring someone to go along with something they may be uncomfortable with. There are many reasons people will not want to be asked their pronouns and giving them should always be optional. I'd be telling my fellow interviewer this.

This is priceless, and I hope you don't mind, but I'll be stealing it for future occasions.

Geez the world has gone properly nuts. What relevance does a pronoun have on one’s ability to do a job? This sort of woke nonsense in academia is why I will actively discourage my DCs from going to university.

Christ alive!! I am sorry OP and I genuinely mean no disrespect but this has to be the most utterly batshit crazy post I have ever read on here by a country mile. So much so that I'm not even sure I completely understand the scenario. Are you actually saying that you're to interview someone and 1) you do not wish to disclose to them whether you are male or female and 2) you're too anxious to ask them which they are? That's just nuts!!
Would it be too much to assume that their pronoun would be that of the sex they present as until told otherwise? My head is spinning at this it really is.

I'm being asked to provide my pronouns and ask for theirs.

It's a zoom interview and I'm not particularly androgynous so I expect they can figure out my sex, and that's what my pronouns are based on. My, female, colleague is keen to announce her pronouns and thinks we should ask them for theirs. I disagree and think we should just offer them the opportunity to announce theirs if they want.

Hate to say it, but you can't have been here long if that's the most batshit crazy post you've read on here.

How about encouraging them to go to university and challenge the wokerati?

I don't feel comfortable sharing my pronouns either. It just doesn't make sense to me as it would be me stating the bleeding obvious.

If someone wants to state their pronouns of it's outside of what they would traditionally be, all fine with me.

But me stating 'I'm she/her' is like me stating to a room that I have blonde hair. An absolutely pointless exercise.

I think it's politically correct nonsense and if I'm ever forced to do it, I'm going to state something daft like 'it/him'.

It makes not a jot if a difference to me if somebody is a transexual, straight,gay or bi. Live and let live and we're all the same on the inside but I refuse to state the bleeding obvious. I don't have my lesbian mates announcing to people "I'm a lesbian!". We take as we find but all good for me if someone asks me to refer to them as they/them.

And also, I wouldn't be offended if someone mistook me for a fella.

As an autistic female, I really, really wanted to be a boy when I grew up. It's common in autistic females to not feel comfortable being the sex you are around puberty.

For several years, I thought that I would actually be able to become a boy once I was grown up and was bitterly disappointed when I realised that wouldn't happen. I saw the sexism in the way I was being brought up compared to my brother. Plus I worshipped my brother so much that I wanted to be just like him. So, to me, from the ages of 8-15, it made sense to want to be a boy instead. It felt like they got the better end of the deal and I didn't like my changing body either.

I was so chuffed when people mistook me for a boy.

Do I want to be male now? Absolutely not! I am so glad that when I was growing up there wasn't the opportunity to change my body because I would have jumped at the chance as a kid without understanding the consequences.

I am comfortable being the middle aged woman I am now.

@Underthebridge31
Your post makes me want to weep with frustration at the tragedy of autistic girls butchering their bodies.