AIBU to feel uncomfortable about sharing pronouns?

[Oodiks]

I am on the interview panel for a junior position in my office and have been given a sample set of interview questions to amend as necessary for the advertised post. It's a 2-person panel and the other person is happy to share their pronouns but I'd rather not. Also, the first question invites them to tell us a little bit about themselves, where they are from, what their interests are, and what their pronouns are.

It seems to me that if the other person on the panel shares their pronouns and I don't then it shows that sharing is optional, and I'd like to change the interview question to tell them they are welcome to share their pronouns if they choose rather than straight out ask them.

Am I being unreasonable to feel uncomfortable about sharing pronouns or not?

Thoughts?

If I came to an interview and you started on about 'pronouns', it would put me straight off working for your company.

I am expected to both give my pronouns and ask for theirs.

I'm going to suggest that, as my colleague is sharing hers, I won't share mine, and I'll ask them to share theirs if they want to, that way it's clear that they don't have to if they don't want to.

It’s all grim, but since some people get really offended if you use the wrong pronouns, then they have to have an opportunity to say, I suppose.

This covers the requirements quite easily. I don't have an issue with preferred pronouns but equally I don't feel the need to interrogate people about it the first time I ever meet them.
Surely, in an interview, you're only going to refer to someone by their name , or as "you"?
E.g. "Sam, can you tell us about a time when you xyz.."

But pronouns are in the eye of the beholder.

If people are going to set themselves up to get "really offended" by wrong pronouns, they should stop being so hung up about them. Take a chill pill or something.

Perhaps towards the end of the interviews you can ask, "it's been great talking with you, Sam. Do you have any particular requirements or requests you would like to discuss with us?"

This way they can introduce the topic themselves if it is important enough, or if it is weighing on their mind.

Who wrote the question 🤔 I'd ignore it.

What a load of bollocks 😩

God why does it matter in an interview!?

Surely they are there to sell themselves for the job, who gives a shit what they call themselves 🤷‍♀️ If they are good and you offer them the job you can discuss it then (I suppose) (if anyone cares)

If I was asked this in an interview I would be confused, and see no relevance

I wouldn’t be bothered about sharing mine personally, but I agree with pp who said that asking might force someone to either out themselves or feel they need to lie about their chosen pronouns for whatever reason. You wouldn’t ask in an interview if someone is married, what their sexuality is, if they have children etc. These things are all personal and it should be up to them if/when they feel comfortable sharing their personal life. You don’t need to gender people in an interview. If you are talking directly to them, you will be saying “you”. You’ll get the necessary info during onboarding the successful candidate. When they feel they have safely secured the role and not put on the spot. Stick to your guns op.

I find that this has come about largely by institutions who want to come across as supportive by inviting people to let them know of the pronouns they'd prefer to be used... Whilst inadvertently getting into a horror show of actually forcing people to "out themselves" or have to take a view on something that 9 times out of 10 doesn't need referencing.
If I'm an interviewer of Fiona... All I need to refer to them as is Fiona or you. Likewise they just need to refer to me as Freckles or you. If someone wants to avoid issues with being described as something they don't identify with its totally fine to have an option for "known as" that includes pronouns. But it shouldn't be a requirement as that a) forces people to "out" themselves and B) can quite obviously lead to opportunities for bias in an interview situation. Asking everyone to include pronouns forces conflict and needless stereotyping. Voluntary is the way to go.

Thanks all!

I think it's bollocks (to use a gendered term), but it's a Big Deal in universities so I need to find a way around it without causing offense. I think making it clear that sharing pronouns is optional is my best way forward here.

To me, asking pronouns is rude. Either a person’s gender identity (if you believe in this) aligns with their sex, in which case what is the point of asking, or their gender identity does not align wit their sex, in which case it is intrusive. Maybe they don’t want to parade that information before some interviewer they met 5 minutes ago. Would you ask a woman you were interviewing “are you a lesbian”? Would you ask a non-white person “are you a Muslim”? If these characteristics are not relevant to their ability to do the job, why is their gender identity relevant?

That can be a very difficult and non-inclusive question for some, including trans people not yet ready to share their pronouns.

Not appropriate in an interview setting.

This ☝x 1,000,000!!

I have to laugh at whoever at the university wrote, “it is important not to put anyone on the spot,” and then suggests asking someone, “what pronouns do you use?”
How is that question not putting someone on the spot?!?

As others have noted interviewees are already feeling awkward. A question like this won’t help.

It's an interview. You're going to be using first and second person pronouns. I haven't seen anyone arguing about using I, we, you - only third person ones, which you won't be using. It'll be, "So Jane, you say in your application..." not, "So Jane, he/she/they/ze says in his/her/their/zir application..."

So it's not relevant until you are talking about him/her/them/potato once they're out of the room, when they won't hear. It might mean it's less inclusive, but the communication will probably be clearer.

Sharing pronouns is the greatest load of shite. Give me strength.

Literally this... just get on with the interview

it's off putting when someone jumps in to assert their pronouns... Jesus with my real name are they going to question my credentials over "Where are you really from though?" Or will I go into my family tree?

Needless & boring in this day & age

As others have noted interviewees are already feeling awkward. A question like this won’t help.

@Sladuf yeah as if you're not nervous enough... & what's the "right" answer?

This pronoun nonsense takes up more time and headspace than it is worth.

If your colleague shares their pronouns, you shouldn’t share yours. The interviewee can choose to share or not according to their own beliefs and you are not pitting anyone on the spot. That would actually be the inclusivity your institution should be striving for rather than the alphabet soup they are actually spouting.

Reasons not to declare pronouns or ask for them:

• goes against the Yogyakarta Principles which are human rights principles relating to sexual identity and gender identity (so the sort of stuff the wokerati should know and follow)
• if someone wants to tell you their pronouns, trust me, they will find a way to work it into the conversation no matter how many obstacles your put in their way (personally, they would be on my ‘do not hire’ list)

@DifficultBloodyWoman yeah ha same as marathon runners or vegans, they'll shoehorn it in

*spelling

I have been asked what my pronouns are before (not in an interview) but a meeting about something that was quite serious and upsetting for me and my daughter and tbh my fucking pronouns were the least of my worries considering how life changing this meeting was, I get they were trying to be all 2024 but it pissed me off and I said "I honestly do not give a shit what anyone calls me" I did feel a bit bad and I did apologise and it all went well but fucking hell I hate all that shit and I do wonder why some people insist on sharing their pronouns or why anybody even cares about it.

Sex Matters has published guidance regarding pronoun use:

https://sex-matters.org/posts/publications/pronouns-guide-summary/

https://sex-matters.org/posts/publications/pronouns-guide/

https://sex-matters.org/posts/category/publications/guidance/

If pressed ... How about

"How long will it take you to realise I'm actively ignoring your question?"

My pronouns are I/we/you.

If I'm asked, I just say, oh, I'm not bothered, call me anything. If pressed, I say, I don't think it's important, can we move on?

I work for a very woke public service. It's tiresome.