Does anyone else feel this way about the education system in the uk?

[Greengreenga]

My DH was privately educated, I was not. We have one dc due to start school next September so the search for a school has begun. I have always been adamant that I do not want my child to go to a private school. I get that they are brilliant in many ways but I feel very politically strongly that our support should be with the state sector. I want my child to know real people and not the top tiny percent of privilege.

Anyway… we have now looked at 5 of the closest state schools. I have been shocked. It’s not what I remember from my experience of school. These classes were chaos. In all of the schools we went to. The buildings were in an absolute state. Just the feel of the places was so awful. In two of the schools we looked at, supply teachers were in nearly all the classes, is this normal now? These were all rated outstanding bar one that was satisfactory. Three of them are meant to be really good options too, so I have no idea where it goes from there.

DH convinced me to look at the local private school. It’s so incredibly different on every level. There was calmness, order, focus. Although DH won’t push me to change my mind about private I know he would be over the moon if I agreed to it. I now feel so conflicted. I will also be hugely embarrassed if we chose to go private after everything negative I have very publicly said about the private sector for many years.

I feel shit about it. Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass to stay in tact? I don’t know anymore.

I think it's very dependent on area. Where we live the state primary schools are all very good but the secondaries less so. If I had the money I would send my child to private secondary. I have been a teacher and know the state of schools these days!

@winewolfhowls i feel so conflicted and so surprised too actually. I genuinely had no idea that schools were like this nowadays. I’m an older num though!

If you can afford to go private it can be an option better than most state schools, yes.
Most parents can't and just have to accept things.

Why would you prioritise your embarrassment over your childs education.

I am not in UK, so thankfully have amazing state education. If I ever lived in UK it would very likely be private because of the horrible stories I read on here.

@Marblesbackagain its not just embarrassment. I don’t want my child mixing with a tiny percentage of society which is the most privileged. It’s not real life and I do feel strongly that private schools shouldn’t actually exist. In fact if they didn’t I wouldn’t be faced with this!

Agree with pp. The secondaries can really be quite poor in terms of behaviour and therefore teacher retention. Not great for consistency. Primaries are generally better but are really beginning to struggle with govt cut backs - especially with support staff for challenging pupils who can be very disruptive.
I am a teacher and would choose private for secondary. Less sure about primary, would depend on area.

My local state school is nothing like that.

But you're unreasonable to be 'shocked' at the difference 14 years of deliberate underfunding of state schools has made to state vs private. You must not read much news.

Look I felt the same as you, now my first child is in a state primary and we will definitely send her to a private secondary. Class sizes are too big, teachers overwhelmed by children with SEN, lots of children have special allowances like loud fidget toys. lots of behavioural challenges.
PE and after school clubs are rubbish, music education very basic.

we can’t afford to move in the catchment area of the only decent secondary school in the area and are going private now.

@bergamotorange well I don’t think I was assessing schools much until I had a child!!

supply teachers were in nearly all the classes, is this normal now? These were all rated outstanding bar one that was satisfactory.

You were shown round by people in two different schools who actually pointed out that nearly all the teachers in the classes were supply teachers?

You say ‘satisfactory’-that hasn’t been an Ofsted descriptor in a long time.

I agree with you that it would be better if there were no private schools

But I also think as a parent your primary responsibility is to your child. Your child is not there to enact your moral system or suffer for your beliefs.

@howshouldibehave How many supply teachers was a specific question DH asked. Consistently is obviously vital for children. I don’t now what you mean about satisfactory - that was their last rating.

My daughter is starting reception next year too and I was SHOCKED at the first school we looked around. Rubbish building, reception seemed like utter carnage (I'm all for learning through play but this was ridiculous) & really naff sounding teachers. This was supposedly a good school that others had recommended.

We've now found another one that I fell in love with immediately so there is hope!! Can you look a little further afield?

But if you don't like any of them and can afford private I'd do it, not everyone can be lucky enough to have a school that would suit their child on their doorstep. This is key I think, because every child is different and you could say it's not that the schools were bad, just that they wouldn't be right for your kid.

"Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass"

It's the convenient MC left wingers Get out of Jail Free card on the issue so you wouldn't be alone.

look not all private schools are the same. My neighbours are very normal, down to earth people on a semi 3 bedroom and have both kids at private. No private jet or holiday home. In my area lots of kids in private school have very middle class backgrounds.

My friend’s kids go to school in Chelsea with children of MPs and famous people and that’s completely different again.

@MotherOfCrocodiles of course not but whilst we can afford fees we are certainly not wealthy and won’t have all the holidays etc the other children have. I am not sure that is a nice environment to be in

My DCs are now all in their 30s and we sent them to private school because the difference was evident even back then. I just felt I couldn't have lived with myself if I had not taken that opportunity and, possibly, compromised them for my principles. We have never regretted that choice and they are all very grateful for it
I think the gap has widened even more, state schools are judged by very low standards, and I wish we had the money to pay for our grandchildren.

Personally I don't understand this "moral compass" thing, racing to the bottom is not more moral as long as your advantages are not at the direct expense of others

@AmandaPleaseDotCom thanks. There is one that does look very good but it’s a 45 minute drive! We can’t move either. I wish there were more to choose from

Well she will have to learn that she can’t have the same as her friends but is still privileged and can have nice holidays and a good education. It’s up to you to teach your kids rhe right values. Whatever school you are in, somebody will have more or something you can’t afford

& really naff sounding teachers

What does a naff teacher sound like?

If you found this to be the case in no fewer than 5 different primary schools, then either your expectations are way too high or you live in a horrendous area. State schools are facing some real challenges, but I’m finding the claim that all five were this terrible to be a little unbelievable if I’m honest.

@QueenOfHiraeth i don’t want my child mixing with such a small sector of society though. It’s not at all representative of real life and I know that’s not a good thing either

‘Satisfactory’ was scrapped as a judgement by Ofsted in 2012. Are you saying they haven’t had an Ofsted in over 12 years and have never been reinspected?

@Didimum do you think numerous supply teachers and chaos in corridors is ok? It’s definitely not how my lovely state school was

How much confidence do you have in your parenting?