Does anyone else feel this way about the education system in the uk?

[Greengreenga]

My DH was privately educated, I was not. We have one dc due to start school next September so the search for a school has begun. I have always been adamant that I do not want my child to go to a private school. I get that they are brilliant in many ways but I feel very politically strongly that our support should be with the state sector. I want my child to know real people and not the top tiny percent of privilege.

Anyway… we have now looked at 5 of the closest state schools. I have been shocked. It’s not what I remember from my experience of school. These classes were chaos. In all of the schools we went to. The buildings were in an absolute state. Just the feel of the places was so awful. In two of the schools we looked at, supply teachers were in nearly all the classes, is this normal now? These were all rated outstanding bar one that was satisfactory. Three of them are meant to be really good options too, so I have no idea where it goes from there.

DH convinced me to look at the local private school. It’s so incredibly different on every level. There was calmness, order, focus. Although DH won’t push me to change my mind about private I know he would be over the moon if I agreed to it. I now feel so conflicted. I will also be hugely embarrassed if we chose to go private after everything negative I have very publicly said about the private sector for many years.

I feel shit about it. Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass to stay in tact? I don’t know anymore.

It quite literally is real.

Eat humble pie. Learn from it.

Give your child a private education, it is reducing the burden on the state.

Make sure they do sports/clubs with a mix of children.

Not all private schools are Eton or Hogwarts xx

In our area the schools are good both primary and secondary so it must vary by area quite drastically given your experience.

If you can afford private - go private. But do your research as some private schools are pretty rubbish too.

I also agree with this - not all independents are the super posh ones.

You are absolutely kidding yourself. The VAST majority of parents with kids in private school are paying half their income on the school fees.

OF COURSE we are stretching ourselves to pay for it.

Yes, that still puts us in the “tiny minority of people” who can afford it. Yes, we are very aware of our privilege. You are ALREADY in that group if you are able to make the choice, even if your choice is no.

Your "support" is to the state sector?? No one will know or care and it won't support the state system at all, just add one note child into the over burden under funded mess
I would always do what is right for my children

@Greengreenga

well that’s not how I feel at all. I would like my child to be friends with whoever she clicks with not based on their background

Well then move yourself to somewhere like Easterhouse in Glasgow and send your child to a school there 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm sending my child to a private school but I'm not getting my knickers in a twist about it. I want him to experience smaller, calmer classrooms, more one to one time with teachers, better resources, a wide range of sports and experiences, and so on.

Not all private schools are Eton. They are just schools, as schools should ideally be.

@ImNunTheWiser erm those statements say the same thing? Maybe you need to read it again. Going to private means being forced with one section of society.

Depends on the area, depends on the schools available, depends on the needs of the child. There's not one "right" solution here.

The problem is that the publicity around adding VAT to private school fees has really amplified the narrative that all kids who go to private schools are wealthy, spoilt brats, and all families that can pay for private education are rolling in cash.

It's absolutely not the case.

There are certainly some schools which fall into the elite category. But there are many other private schools where there are pupils there on a bursary, and families who are sacrificing things, such as holidays, in order to pay the fees. They're not all wealthy kids, there are plenty of private school pupils who are ordinary kids from ordinary families.

Families choose private schools for lots of different reasons, and there are plenty of "normal" kids there, not just those who are extremely privileged.

My politics are left wing, and unfortunately, we would never be in a position to afford private schools for our two. In addition, both my DC have significant SEN and this doesn't tend to be well-provided for in the private sector.

But I still think that most people are being real dickheads about private schools. I was a school governor for over 5 years and the absolute mess that schools are in can't be overstated. There's no money, not enough teachers, and the teachers that are still there are stressed, overworked and under pressure. The education desperately needs a good shake-up because it's failing lots of kids, and causing teachers to leave the profession in their droves.

There's nothing wrong with private schools. Most are perfectly normal but offer smaller class sizes and a greater range of subjects/sports etc. Music lessons didn't exist in our school - there are plenty of opportunities to learn an instrument in private school.

Rather than gunning for private schools the aim should be to raise the standard of our state schools. But that's going to take significant restructuring and plenty of ££££.....can't see it happening any time soon.

@Greengreenga

I've just seen your comment

I do feel strongly that private schools shouldn’t actually exist.

You've answered your own question here. Don't send her then. She can go to one of the piss poor schools that are total chaos (rated outstanding bizarrely) instead.

I reckon your husband has more sense on this matter though.

@Greengreenga

erm those statements say the same thing? Maybe you need to read it again. Going to private means being forced with one section of society.

No they don't. If you don't care about people's backgrounds then it doesn't matter one bit which school you send her to.

Just send them to private school op!! My DS went to a small independent school and I was a single parent. He started in year 4 because state school wasn't suiting him and the relief I felt when I walked through the door and it was all so quiet and calm and the children were so polite! The staff treated the parents so much better too.

I'm very left wing but I wouldn't put my principles before my child's happiness. If I'd had the money, both my children would have attended independent schools from pre-school. I have three very nice mum friends who I still see....yes, they're middle class and one plays in a string quartet 🙂but they're lovely!

Satisfactory was replaced with requires improvement some years ago.

Post Covid a lot of schools had gone a long time without inspections although I believe ofsted are mostly caught up now.

If you have not been in a school for a while you may find that if for example you see a reception class where they are doing specific activities you might well find that it looks chaotic and is loud.

Reception is mostly play based learning as it is meant to be part of the early years foundation stage.

It is generally well planned and there is order in the chaos.

I'd want the best education for my child, no matter whether it is state or private. There are lots of lovely state school, we found on and there's another one village over.
Keep looking and if nothing is good enough go private. I wouldn't sacrifice my child's education because I think they won't meet enough people. There's time for meeting a variety of people throughout your life.

"Not representative of real life" - yeah, well, rape and murder and genocide are real life but you don't get het up about no exposure to that.

It's a child. 0-18 is not the total sum of their life's learning. They can meet others at activities, clubs, university, neighbours, cousins, whatever.

Just because you go to private school doesn't mean you are blinkered for life. I only went to a very prestigious private school. Never set foot in a state school. I married a council estate guy. The world still turns.

Erm 🙄 no they don’t. Maybe you should read your own words back again. You don’t want her mixing with privileged children (despite being one herself), but you do want her to be able to be friends with whomever she clicks with (regardless of background). So then what if she wants to be friends with a rich kid? You won’t let her?
And where do you get the idea there’s only one type of person at private school? Or state school for that matter.

Agree with this. OP, you're reverse discriminating

Going to private means being forced with one section of society

Well, it’s clearly your section of society, being as you can afford to send her there. 🙄

We will be looking at private secondary schools. We maybe could stretch to sending our DC for primary as well but it would mean significant sacrifices. We are not in the top 5pc of earners, I'm sure your DC will meet a range of people.

@Greengreenga The UK education system is very simple - you pay for it either through inflated prices in your mortgage or directly in private school fees.

Are you being genuine with this thread in suggesting that you are only looking at schools a few months before applying? Most families consider that when they give birth (or earlier) and start thinking about where to buy a house.

The children and families at private schools are real people too.

I think it would be ridiculous to choose to send your child to a worse school because of your own moral compass and feeling embarrassed about sending them to private school. I would also say it's obvious private is going to be way better than state or no one would pay for it so not sure why you're shocked it's better?

Realistically if you can afford private school, so can other people like you, would you not class yourselves as real people living real lives? Your children will be mixing with people like you on your level not just the poshos. I also don't see the benefit of them mixing with poorer children when lower socioeconomic status is correlated to poorer outcomes in most areas including obtaining a poorer education?

If you have the buying power to buy your children a better education I think it would be deplorable to deny them that personally.

I really think it depends on the area. We have a year 1 and year 3 in a primary that has just been rated outstanding. The school buildings and grounds are well cared for, warm and inviting, there is a very active friends committee, who raise substantial sums for extras like the newly decorated curiculum tower, library and a wooden play trail. The school has a lovely calm vibe and there is no chaos! the kids move around the building in a calm way (as I have been in to help with PTA type activities in the day and can attest to this! ) the teachers tend to stay a long time.
There are lots of varied after school clubs, and enrichment activities. and plenty of school trips organised. Having looked around some not so great private schools I know that private is not always best.we are happy with this school.
Their brother goes to a similarly outstanding secondary school but that was more of s search and involved an appeal! Nonetheless it is possible to find outstanding state schools you just have to look in the right places.

My DC go to a 'dodgy' state school (the area). There are some issues with staffing and behaviour but overall it's a very good school. I've been so impressed by how the staff pour themselves into the kids because many don't come from supportive households, or households which can afford extra tutoring. They teach zoom classes on Sundays and extra lessons nearly every day for those who want to attend. They really push the kids to be their best, to achieve. I've been amazed. My DC are both set to get really excellent grades. Sure, private school may have got them a couple of grades higher - but actually my niece went to a good private school and hasn't done that well and now in state for sixth form. Also universities will look at the kind of school you went to. Some dodge 'academy' but you still managed 7-9 at GCSE and As/Bs at A level looks better than a posh private school with similar bit slightly higher grades.

Finally. Thank you!

I can’t afford to live in the catchment area in our town in SE but can pay for private secondary. Madness