Does anyone else feel this way about the education system in the uk?

[Greengreenga]

My DH was privately educated, I was not. We have one dc due to start school next September so the search for a school has begun. I have always been adamant that I do not want my child to go to a private school. I get that they are brilliant in many ways but I feel very politically strongly that our support should be with the state sector. I want my child to know real people and not the top tiny percent of privilege.

Anyway… we have now looked at 5 of the closest state schools. I have been shocked. It’s not what I remember from my experience of school. These classes were chaos. In all of the schools we went to. The buildings were in an absolute state. Just the feel of the places was so awful. In two of the schools we looked at, supply teachers were in nearly all the classes, is this normal now? These were all rated outstanding bar one that was satisfactory. Three of them are meant to be really good options too, so I have no idea where it goes from there.

DH convinced me to look at the local private school. It’s so incredibly different on every level. There was calmness, order, focus. Although DH won’t push me to change my mind about private I know he would be over the moon if I agreed to it. I now feel so conflicted. I will also be hugely embarrassed if we chose to go private after everything negative I have very publicly said about the private sector for many years.

I feel shit about it. Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass to stay in tact? I don’t know anymore.

You're saying the school hasn't had an Ofsted inspection for over 10 years?

Weird thread. Soz OP, you're not being convincing.

Private primaries cost about £4-6k a term here. How can you could do on 30k?

We are very rural. It’s not a bad area or a good area I wouldn’t say. The closest school is 5 miles. The furthest we looked at was 14 miles but that’s quite far on countryside roads!

Trying to keep up with the questions but in terms of chaos it was more the noise. I don’t know how there can be any learning!! It was loud and in one class kids throwing stuff back and forth but nobody intervening?! This was age 7.

Well, I’d be finding the most recent report to read if that’s one of the schools you liked.

A ‘satisfactory’ ofsted inspection is NOT going to be the most recent report so anything you are reading on there will be completely out of date.

So it’s not really concern about mixing with a privileged minority but that you’re worried that she won’t be as rich as her friends? There will be rich people at state school too by the way.

I was privately educated at secondary, I was the student of parents who scrimped and saved to send their dc private. The teaching / facilities was excellent but a lot of my peers were a bit stuck up, and had fancy holidays, branded clothes etc. One girl even gave a presentation on her holiday cruise ffs. FWIW, I did have some friends who were of a similar background to me so it wasnt all bad on the social front but not sure if I would send my dc private if I had a reasonable choice.

I had a really bad state primary experience (bullying & I was dyslexic but I didnt get the necessary support) which is why I went private for secondary.

I imagine OP might be looking at a schools rating before it was taken over as an academy or similar. It can still have the same name.

Parenting isn't being academic.

Supportive parents are so much more important than the 'right' school.

I don't understand how not sending your child to private school is taking the moral high ground?

If I could afford it, I would

It takes pressure off the state schools, I don't understand how sending your child to a state school "supports" the school?

And in answer to your query, no the schools aren't like that near me, not the ones I've viewed recently. My DD is the same age as yours and will be starting next September

YANBU sadly. We couldn’t afford private but took our kids out to home-ed them. The local state school was a feral jungle. It declined dramatically over two years or so, and all the good teachers left.

the schools in my area are lovely. Even our “requires improvement” school is lovely.

We just viewed a secondary school and 600 kids volunteered to show parents and Yr6’s around. Everyone was excited, proud and well behaved.

like with everywhere though, you’ll get nice schools and you’ll get shit schools. Same as everything else in life.

There is no UK education system. Scotland is a country. Education here has always been separate from England.

I don't understand how, in what I am assuming is an infant or primary school, you were aware that the teachers in the classrooms were "supply teachers". It's not like it's a maths teacher trying to teach French.

And that "satisfactory" rating is deeply weird. I am always looking at Ofsted results as part of my job and as PP have said satisfactory hasn't been used in donkeys years. It's Outstanding, Good, Requires Improvement, Inadequate.

My ds has a 50% scholarship. I'm a single mum with a mortgage and pay about £3k a term. Still a lot for me but I'm not the only one.

Some of his class mates are army kids with parents on deployment. The forces pay their fees

I wonder that too.

OP you need to look here

https://reports.ofsted.gov.uk

Check it doesn’t say closed

One of the excellent state secondaries in my area all 3 bedroom houses in the catchment area are £1M minimum. So you are a lot more likely to have rich parents in that school than in the private school.
we are sending to private secondary instead of moving.

I always thought if my DC were to go to a private school it’d be secondary only as it’s a waste of money and mot necessary for a primary aged child. My DC go to OFSTED outstanding primary which is considered to be a great school. I have not been impressed at all. The leadership, the behaviours, countless other aspects. If I could have my time over though, I’d have sent them to private primary.
FWIW I only ever went to state schools.

Ok so not paying usual fees on 30k then.

This was me years ago now
I put my children’s education first and then balanced it out by ensuring they mixed locally with rainbows/brownies/guides/cubs/ scoutsSunday school/village activities/local town activities etc etc
They grew up with a cross section of friends

I think some of the best primary schools are in the last place you would look. My kids go to a very small school in a very deprived area, class sizes of no more than 20, my youngest is in reception and there's 18 in her class with a teacher and 2 full time TA's. It's officially classed as "requires improvement" (satisfactory) by Ofsted but it is a wonderful school, teachers have been there for years and are very experienced. They know all the children extremely well and treat them like family. I'm lucky that people turn their nose up because of the area so send their kids to the more affluent schools.

Can you send them to the private and gain some balance of a social circle by getting your dc involved in the community- scouts, local clubs etc. you say you are rural but surely these things will still exist

Send him to private

It's a race to the top, not the bottom

There are different kinds of private schools. I know of a few that are academically very selective but not that expensive and mostly seem to be filled with the children of people in good but fairly normal jobs who choose to prioritise education over other luxuries. Doctors and the like. The atmosphere seems focused but not snobby. There are others that seem much more about being posh, coming from a “good” family and avoiding ordinary people. Much more about the culture than academics. That’s my impression, anyway. I’d love to send my child to the first kind, definitely not the second kind.

It is so very sad that the state system has been ground down like this. There is no reason at all that state schools shouldn’t be able to perform as well as private except for lack of funding and political will.

If you have identified a school you think your child would thrive in, and you can afford to send them, it honestly makes no sense to reject that option because of a belief you have about the way things should be. It would be more helpful for you to send your kid private while directly supporting the local state somehow or becoming politically active. You’ll be called a hypocrite but you’ll potentially do some actual good.

Surprised by the Ofsted ratings given your description! Maybe they’ve gone down hill since inspection. I’ve seen very high standards of behaviour at two of the three state primaries we visited (one ‘good’ one ‘outstanding’) and the other was a basically good school with a less demanding approach. Maybe your rural area has difficulties with recruitment?

There are also varied private schools, some more socially elite than others. They really aren’t all hoooray Henry types.

I also don’t really agree with private schools. They shouldn’t exist. Every school schools be as good as a private schools. But until they are mine go private. The very fact you are looking around and putting so much effort into your child’s education has already bought them a massive leg up unavailable to many and I doubt you’ve worried about that. Do something to help as well - volunteer to be a governor maybe at a state school that might value your skills.