Does anyone else feel this way about the education system in the uk?

[Greengreenga]

My DH was privately educated, I was not. We have one dc due to start school next September so the search for a school has begun. I have always been adamant that I do not want my child to go to a private school. I get that they are brilliant in many ways but I feel very politically strongly that our support should be with the state sector. I want my child to know real people and not the top tiny percent of privilege.

Anyway… we have now looked at 5 of the closest state schools. I have been shocked. It’s not what I remember from my experience of school. These classes were chaos. In all of the schools we went to. The buildings were in an absolute state. Just the feel of the places was so awful. In two of the schools we looked at, supply teachers were in nearly all the classes, is this normal now? These were all rated outstanding bar one that was satisfactory. Three of them are meant to be really good options too, so I have no idea where it goes from there.

DH convinced me to look at the local private school. It’s so incredibly different on every level. There was calmness, order, focus. Although DH won’t push me to change my mind about private I know he would be over the moon if I agreed to it. I now feel so conflicted. I will also be hugely embarrassed if we chose to go private after everything negative I have very publicly said about the private sector for many years.

I feel shit about it. Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass to stay in tact? I don’t know anymore.

@howshouldibehave not sure, that was the only document I could see online for it. It was actually better than three of the others though, imo

Well then there is your decision. if you are so against it, why did you post here

There is a shocking disparity in schools depending on the area. We ended up moving house because of it, and I'm sending my dd to a selective grammar for secondary, because I'll do what I can within the limits of my resources to give my dc a good education. That's part of my responsibility as a parent.

And that it conveniently slips minds that 93% of the nation are state educated.

I work in a state secondary and I have lots of friends who teach in other schools in the area. I have worked at and visited more schools. Your description wouldn’t fit any of the schools round here. Even the one which is considered to be particularly challenging and in a deprived area. There was calm and order there too. Would you move area? If the schools in your area aren’t great, then that will move into social aspects of life for a teenager in your area too.

@Summerhillsquare i am not academic so don’t think I will be any help there! DH is pretty good though with that sort of stuff

I don’t want my child mixing with a tiny percentage of society which is the most privileged

I hate to break this to you, but if you can afford private school you already are amongst the most privileged, so she'll be mixing with her own kind.

It will vary from school to school but that was not our experience at all. There were some wealthy families but most were pretty normal and funded school by compromising on holidays, new cars, etc or with help from grandparents

@ImNunTheWiser sure but if she was in private she would definitely be on the poorer end of that. We would be stretching things to pay for it etc

You keep mentioning ‘real life’ but I think it’s possible you have no concept of it. Where I am parents send their kids to private on 30k as well as 300k as some areas have awful schools. One of DS’ best friends is the son of a carer and a taxi driver, another is the son of a local GP. There is such diversity. The super rich kids of aristocracy go to boarding, they don’t tend to go to day schools - those are still the preserve of the wealthy working class.

There’s clearly a moral question for you about the politics of giving your child something that other children don’t have. But there’s also presumably a moral question as to whether it’s right to send your child to a school which you don’t particularly like due to your own political views.

My view has always been that my highest moral priority as a parent is doing my best for my children. I actually think most parents share this in most respects- you don’t feed your children suboptimal food or withdraw attention or love from them or prevent them doing extracurricular activities just because not every child has the same. A different logic is applied to private schools in that respect.

My own parents put aside their previous anti-private school views in order to move me from a state school where I was really suffering. I’m very grateful they did because it massively improved my adolescence and preserved my mental health.

But in a way your issue here is inherent in your political beliefs about private schools. If you believe that private schools are wrong because they (in general) are providing something better than the state sector, you are accepting that if you follow your principles you won’t be sending your child to the best school available. That’s quite uncomfortable in the context of your own children.

The disclaimer here is of course that not all state schools are bad and not all private schools are good and there may be other benefits to state like a broader mix of children which outweigh factors like crumbling buildings.

Sorry, but that is very odd! Something isn’t right there.

What is the year of the most recent inspection?

Firstly, what’s ‘chaos’? Secondly did you enquire at each of the five schools why the supply teachers were in place? If so, what did they say?

You realise that indy kids have live outside of school so don't just exist in the microcosm of that school? Lots of opportunities for mixing with wider social strata through extra curricular or just where you live

Do you mean reception entry?

So you’ll privately educate all the way through?

I mean you feel strongly against private so it depends how much that matters to you

But your child can attend stuff like brownies, swimming etc that has a good mix of people.

I went to state infants (where I was very bored most of the time being told to read in the corner while the rest of the class did such and such. From there I went to a private prep school where I thrived.

Then my parents split up. And I won a full scholarship to attend 5 years of private secondary . But my dad who we lived with was a staunch labourite, anti private anything and refused to let me go to the private grammar instead sticking me in a local east London comp.

It was dreadful. 3 years behind academically ( i the work they were giving Id done when I was bloody 8) No manners from most of the other kids and the teachers let the kids get away with blue murder so no chance of learning.

Hence I spent most of my time piss balling about and totally lost interest. I never did actually forgive my dad for that and when he got older ( in his 70s) he said that he probably would've acted differently in the same situation with hindsight

Don't deprive your child of opportunities for some " champagne socialist" political view

@howshouldibehave shall I just send you the name of the school 😂 I don’t know I think it was 2011 or 2014 off the top of my head. We’ve been to five!

Trust me, many parents who choose indy are in the same financial situation. She/you will be in the majority, not the minority

It will depend where you live . Our schools here are great and many over subscribed. Private would be an utter waste of money.

Have you read the Ofsted reports as to why they got the grading? Spoken to friends?

That doesn't bear any resembalance to the state schools my dc went to. If they are all like that you must live in a horrible area. Can you move house?

I’m smelling a bit of a rat here. 5 local schools. 4 of them outstanding is highly unusual. The other being ‘satisfactory’ which isn’t a word used by Ofsted for many years.
Is this designed to be another VAT, poor private school parents thread?

Where in the country are you?

That wasn't your original point though.
You were implying that you didn't want her mixing with privilege as if there is something wrong them whilst trying to pretend you aren't also in that bracket compared to the vast majority of people in the country. A strange inverted snobbery given your reaction to the reality of the state schools that the majority attend.

Op, my advice would be to forget how the schools are funded. Look at all the possible schools in your area. Remember you are choosing a school for your child. Politics are irrelevant.

Some areas have brilliant state schools, some don't.

My ds went to a state primary. When it came to senior school, the one we were offered, even Ofsted said it wasn't safe. At that point I gave up on dogma and based my decision on the need to keep my child safe. My job is to get him to adulthood unmolested and in one piece and that is what I intend to do.

Good luck

And yet 4 of the schools are supposedly Outstanding. A odd thread.