Does anyone else feel this way about the education system in the uk?

[Greengreenga]

My DH was privately educated, I was not. We have one dc due to start school next September so the search for a school has begun. I have always been adamant that I do not want my child to go to a private school. I get that they are brilliant in many ways but I feel very politically strongly that our support should be with the state sector. I want my child to know real people and not the top tiny percent of privilege.

Anyway… we have now looked at 5 of the closest state schools. I have been shocked. It’s not what I remember from my experience of school. These classes were chaos. In all of the schools we went to. The buildings were in an absolute state. Just the feel of the places was so awful. In two of the schools we looked at, supply teachers were in nearly all the classes, is this normal now? These were all rated outstanding bar one that was satisfactory. Three of them are meant to be really good options too, so I have no idea where it goes from there.

DH convinced me to look at the local private school. It’s so incredibly different on every level. There was calmness, order, focus. Although DH won’t push me to change my mind about private I know he would be over the moon if I agreed to it. I now feel so conflicted. I will also be hugely embarrassed if we chose to go private after everything negative I have very publicly said about the private sector for many years.

I feel shit about it. Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass to stay in tact? I don’t know anymore.

Be honest though OP, despite your claims about the top sector in society, you wouldn’t ACTUALLY want your DD to be best mates with Destiny from the local council estate. No middle class parents do.

Your child has one life. And the school you like the best is a private one. Assuming you can afford it, why are you tying yourself in knots about this decision? The leftie police wing don’t come to your house and paint “splitter” on your front door.

Reality is no one else cares. Why do you?

I felt the same way when my daughter, now in her thirties, started school. My Dad offered to pay the school fees for her to go to my old private school and I declined the offer as I wanted her to experience a broader mix of people and real life as I had been incredibly sheltered in my youth. And back then, my private school had been grant aided and contained a broader section of society than they do now. And in the state school she did have a large and loud class, but she did well enough although I did feel the state school lacked ambition for their pupils as they were advising grades much lower than she achieved. She would doubtless have obtained higher grades at my old school, but she got into Uni with help from a program for state school pupils and gained a first and then a PhD, so one could hardly say it ruined her outcomes!

I see you are rural. When said child is older Young Farmers is a fabulous organisation that can be enormously useful for spreading social wings.

@Startinganew32 wow what a nasty post

There’s massive differences in fees. Private primary my dc went to is £8500 a year (not a term) longer school day, very working parent friendly (no half days before hols/no staggered start in reception) Once you factored in not paying wrap around/longer school hols so you could go away in state term time saving £/11 plus prep included in price it was good value. Much more ethnically diverse than state, most children had 2 working parents - teachers/drs/nurse/lawyer or self employed trades. Got her off to a great start, no regrets at all.

Maybe your child would be mixing with people like you given you can afford it. I imagine quite a few private school parents aren’t extremely wealthy.

What matters more to you? Your child's future or your political beliefs?

I teach in a challenging area. If you were to walk around our school on any given day, you’d find polite, calm children who hold doors open and greet you with smiles; you’d find brilliant teachers (and yes the odd supply - we get sick occasionally and sometimes a bug will wipe out half the staff!) and orderly classrooms. You’d find lots of children with SEND needs but a brilliant SENDCO and a learning mentor who is usually available for support. You’d see bright displays and lots of sport taking place - both in and out of school hours.

My children go to school in an affluent area and you’d find similar: polite, calm children in ordered classrooms, lots of PE and music classes (my Year 4 son is playing the violin weekly - free of charge!). You’d see a menu of locally-sourced meals with lots of vegetarian options.

Two schools, miles apart in very different areas. I’ve taught in many more. None of them sound like the schools you’ve described. I’d save your school fees money towards a house deposit and seriously consider moving areas!!

Sorry but it’s so true. I’ve seen it so many times where champagne socialists claim to be ideologically opposed to private school but what they actually want is a state school in a wealthy area full of naice families like them.

I visit mutiple primary schools in deprived inner city areas every week as part of my job and I recognise no part of your description. It sounds very hyperbolic to me. Yes there will be the odd supply teacher. However most of the schools I see are still run by wonderful dedicated and organised teaching teams. Schools need investment but are in nothing like the state you describe. By all means send your child to private school but you sounds massively deluded about what state schools are actually like.

@Startinganew32 well that’s not how I feel at all. I would like my child to be friends with whoever she clicks with not based on their background

This. OP, people who use normal private schools are "real people". Actually, so are the ones at the top schools, but assuming you're not looking at Eton, why don't you widen your scope a bit. Especially out of the SE, where housing costs are lower, a household with two graduate type salaries can afford Private without being minted. If you want to salve your conscience, do what lots of other virtue signallers do and use your wealth to buy into the tiny catchment of a really good state school, many do exist, and then you can claim to be non elitist and mixing with "real people" who can all afford 500k houses 🙄

Okay because from your post it sounds like you want some sort of validation that you’d be doing the right thing going private because apparently every single state school near you is total carnage, despite being rated outstanding.

Haven’t you wondered why everyone goes on about the lack of funding in education, the teaching crisis, education being horrendous, hate the for the Tories… all that jazz? 🙈

I mean yeah, if you can afford private, that would be lovely!

But whilst the catchment system exists your child will not go to school with whatever "salt of the earth" types you're imagining, assuming you live in an area commensurate with your income that can afford private fees. She'll go to school with people in a similar demographic to you. Literally no difference to private.

Agree. If you want to send your kids private OP, just own it. But as an older educator and an older parent, I can tell you - most private schools are fine. And most state schools, especially primary schools, are also fine.

Not all private schools are the same. Some are like Eton, some are just smaller normal schools, some more like grammar schools. Look around. And some of them will just be people like you who happen to be able to afford it. Like a house in a nice area or a nice holiday. It’s up to you to make sure you child still has a good attitude and mixes with a range of people.

It depends on where you live. All the state schools in my town are excellent and I'm delighted with my kids schools.

Private ed would just be a waste of money.

Yes then you would just have to send your son to a school you don't like.

Education is not a service which should be solely provided by the state for lots of good practical and moral and ethical reasons.

You must be very unlucky. I live in an inner city area and all the local primaries (six within a mile) are very orderly -two are less than 10 years old and the other 4 are lovely buildings from the 1890s.

Yabu your brief experience of state schools doesn't reflect anything I've seen or worked within for the last ten years and I've been in many schools over the years.

If that's what schools are like in your area then it sounds like a local issue.

I wouldn't personally politicise my child's education.

I don’t want my child mixing with a tiny percentage of society which is the most privileged

I would like my child to be friends with whoever she clicks with not based on their background

Well which one is it? Because they can’t both be true…

It has changed enormously since we were in school. I'm also a dyed-in-the-wool social conscience person and sent DS to state school on principle while all my neighbours battled to get their kids into private school. I'm sorry to say that it hasn't ended well. Poor DS eventually had a nervous breakdown and is now at home alone with me home schooling, and it's a miserable arrangement. We can afford private, but he's not well enough to go, and no clear indication that he ever will be.

I think at the moment if you can find a private school that works, then you should go there.

The whole situation is just awful, honestly.