Does anyone else feel this way about the education system in the uk?

[Greengreenga]

My DH was privately educated, I was not. We have one dc due to start school next September so the search for a school has begun. I have always been adamant that I do not want my child to go to a private school. I get that they are brilliant in many ways but I feel very politically strongly that our support should be with the state sector. I want my child to know real people and not the top tiny percent of privilege.

Anyway… we have now looked at 5 of the closest state schools. I have been shocked. It’s not what I remember from my experience of school. These classes were chaos. In all of the schools we went to. The buildings were in an absolute state. Just the feel of the places was so awful. In two of the schools we looked at, supply teachers were in nearly all the classes, is this normal now? These were all rated outstanding bar one that was satisfactory. Three of them are meant to be really good options too, so I have no idea where it goes from there.

DH convinced me to look at the local private school. It’s so incredibly different on every level. There was calmness, order, focus. Although DH won’t push me to change my mind about private I know he would be over the moon if I agreed to it. I now feel so conflicted. I will also be hugely embarrassed if we chose to go private after everything negative I have very publicly said about the private sector for many years.

I feel shit about it. Am I jeprodisring our child’s future for my own moral compass to stay in tact? I don’t know anymore.

Private if you can afford it but compromise and take your little DS to swimming lessons at the local leisure centre for some interactions with „real people“.

I‘m sure you’ll find a way not to just hobnob with a tiny elite, just keep other mummy friends that you make outside that school and arrange play dates and days out with them. It doesn’t have to be 100% of either.

I certainly don't recognise your description. My DD attends a state primary which is lovely. I find it very hard to believe that every school you visited was that dreadful.

This. I smell astroturfing.

Wonder if some of these people have ever been into an inner city primary? I do, every day. Most are peaceful, organised, happy places, doing amazing work with kids and parents and staffed by the best of the best! Go private for smaller class sizes, but not for better teachers.

Definitely go private if you can afford it.

Don't jeopardise your DC's education. People are allowed to change their minds and often do.

This.

People often have ideological standpoints that change when real life interacts with them.

“I would never…” often comes to mean “I haven’t had to yet.”

Good lefty friends of ours always swore their local state schools were brilliant and more than enough for their kids. Then it came time for secondary and the realisation that no, actually now they were pulling in over 300k pa and had a naice holiday home they quite preferred the independent schools.

I think it’s very area dependent. I’m in London and have some great state schools locally. Privates are generally better for sport but not 25k a yr better imo.

It's ok to change your mind when you've learned something new

My son is in his early 20s now but we had a similar experience when we viewed our local primary schools all those years ago.

Ffs. Why do you think you’ll be at PS not having foreign holidays, but no one else in the school will be on the same boat.

stop being so judgmental.

Assuming you can afford to go private, then the money issue can be put aside and you can make a choice based on how well you think each school, state or private, would suit your child. That is all that matters.

A child is not there to support/demonstrate a parent's political stance. You must do what is best for your child in your area - schools, both private and state vary enormously from place to place, so the decision will be different depending on where you live.

I don't know if things have changed in that time but 6 years ago we looked at secondaries for oldest DC, with privately-educated DH. We also looked at one private school to humour him, although as I suspected, we could neither remotely afford it nor qualify for a bursary. And to my (pleasant) surprise, DH declared that while the facilities were lovely, the private school, which is a very well known one, didn't seem otherwise better than the state schools, and I agreed.

But we are in London, where I think there are a lot of good state schools these days, which wasn't always the case.

For friends in smaller towns I have noticed often it is a choice between one really good state secondary and one really bad one that everyone wants to avoid.

One of the excellent state secondaries in my area all 3 bedroom houses in the catchment area are £1M minimum. So you are a lot more likely to have rich parents in that school than in the private school.

Thats true for me except many of the people in the expensive houses also chose private.

If you can afford it he's already in a tiny privileged minority.

Dont kid yourself that he's ever going to have the childhood estate kids have or be pals with them.

Of course some people rented tiny flats, got one child in and moved to a more affordable area. Now not even people in the catchment area are guaranteed a space because of sibling places. Completely mad.

I just don’t recognise the MNs narrative that private school parents live in cheaper, smaller houses & private is more affordable but as I said maybe it’s a location thing.

Now not even people in the catchment area are guaranteed a space because of sibling places. Completely mad.

Again with birth rates dropping & school rolls falling I’m surprised about the above.

I want my child to know real people and not the top tiny percent of privilege

You can clearly afford the fees OP so are you not “real”?

A lot of reverse snobbery here. Maybe examine your own prejudices.

It’s an outstanding state secondary in an area with two very bad state secondaries, another good one with similar house prices and the rest private schools. So people who can afford to either pay for private or move. Currently both private secondary also have more applicants than spaces and have very competitive 11+ exams. But maybe with VAT this will change and probably increase house prices around the catchment areas. For the outstanding state secondary the catchment area is 0.5m.

Your child has their whole life to meet "real people" (whatever that means), but only 7 years to get the best secondary education they can. If you have the money and can afford it, you'd be stupid not to consider private school on the basis of some nonsense notion that mixing with "real people" will be a better trade off.

If you can afford private, I wouldn’t hesitate.
I’ve taught in both state and private and the difference is huge, mainly because of the other children in the class and their attitude towards learning.

Smacks of poverty tourism too. Hang about with the scruffs to gain your Prole Badge that you can brandish whenever anyone questions your lefty credentials.

I have worked in state schools where over 90% of the pupils are from the same ethnicity, religion and from the same small catchment area. My own state primary school wasn’t at all diverse. State schools often only represent one small sector of society so I wouldn’t send my child to one for diversity reasons.

Some absolute bollocks being spouted about state schools on here (which, don't forget, 93% of the population attend). My local non-selective state academy sends 94% of its intake to university, of which 46% go to Russell Group unis. I'd say those kids' attitude to learning is pretty good.