My Son not allowed to stay in in-laws’ holiday home

[OurNev]

My mother-in-law is in her late 70s. She owns a house that’s been in her family since the 1930s. It’s owned by her, a couple of cousins and the daughter of a deceased cousin.

They have always been generous with this and we have enjoyed lots of holidays especially when the children were small. DH still has an annual trip with his siblings and cousins.

DH’s second cousin has managed this house and raised money for its upkeep.

All of the grandchildren have stayed there with their friends.

My son wanted to go there during his first reading week, but this has been refused as he is a step-child. DH’s second cousin has been completely open about this and no one is challenging it. The request went through my DH and she gave an excuse but told my SiL the real reason. Only family are invited. But scout groups have been allowed to rent it!

They have known him since he was two and we have been married for fifteen years.

My son is quiet and hardworking and while I have met only one of the two others who he wanted to invite they too are respectful.

They won’t challenge this cousin as she has worked tirelessly to stop this house being a money pit.

So just as I was at my lowest DH and his brother had a conversation and this house will be sold in a couple of years and money distributed proportionately among third generation with my youngest son inheriting a few quid but not my eldest.

blended families are never fair to the children, just the selfish adults involved.

Thank you for the kick in the teeth to all of us with blended families. Three out of four of our kids have been successfully blended with absolute fairness, there’s no selfishness on our part, I can assure you.

Yes, that's the problem here.

Why don't they consider him family?
He is related by blood to the family via his half sibling.

This

Shitty people. I’d tell them to stick their house up their arse.

The fact the dh finds it all rather funny might show the whole families attitude towards the lad.

He's the half brother of their grandson.

They should take that relationship into account when making the will and when allocating time in the house.

I'm sorry but you cannot expect your son who is unrelated to any of them, to inherit from them! That's absolute madness, almost CF territory.

Also, your son could potentially inherit from his father's side so how is that fair? That he could get an extra inheritance when your youngest wouldn't?

Their grandson understands that his older brother isn’t their grandson, and doesn’t believe his mother is reasonable in expecting them to consider him one. OP trying to force it isn’t helping her own relationship with her youngest son.

What can he do? He doesn't own the house.

Not find his step son being insulted by not being allowed to stay funny?

Your husband sounds like an utter moron. Laughing when you're hurt. I mean, I don't agree with the inheritance part but you've every right to be upset at the rest of it. Meanwhile your 'husband' is giggling hysterically

LTB

I wouldn't expect your son to inherit from step-family side, but not letting him stay there is very mean spirited. Is she quite mean anyway? Or "tight"?
But sadly not surprised. I've witnessed a "maiden aunt" go to lenghts to make sure that one of the less favoured nieces inherit less after the grandmother passed away!

This is why I would never blend a family if I ever end up a single parent. It just sets the children up for disappointment because you can not dictate or control how old people treat them.

Op said "hysterical laughing" - I read it as laughing because it's so ridiculous of the aunt to behave this way, or when you laugh hysterically instead of crying. Perhaps OP will clarify...

Illegal, you can't do this.

I actually think the inheritance aspect sounds mean. Fair enough to not leave money directly to a step child but deliberately skipping a generation to avoid step-child benefitting indirectly does sound very calculated.

Hopefully a few people have asked and she hasn’t clarified.

Very mean and thoughtless but sadly this happens. I struggle to understand the sheer insensitivity of some people.
U have every right to be upset OP

I agree, mean not to let your son stay at the holiday home. But appropriate I think for him not to inherit. I’m assuming your parents won’t be leaving any money in their will for your step children either? Same thing….

The inheritance is correct OP. Presumably your eldest DS will inherit from his father's side and your youngest son won't. As far as I'm aware all inheritances seem to come from parents or direct relations and not step families, so although I can totally understand you feeling this way don't feel that their decision to ensure your son doesn't inherit the house is "calculated". I'm sure it's deliberate, but it's also fair.

However not allowing him to use the house, when they've known him since was two, is actually disgusting.

I totally understand why you are upset OP, really strange they wouldn't let him stay. I sort of understand on the inheritance, however, it's like you are "family" on the surface all the way through. Then suddenly when some money is involved you are not family at all. The only thing I can suggest is that you and DH make up the difference if possible - see if that stops his laughing. Suggest to DH that you put money aside to make up the difference. I'd certainly go low contact on the family though.

What vile divisive behaviour
I am beginning to think so many people are so nasty simply because they can be. Your poor lad.

Tactless, incentive and horrible spring to mind.
How families do this and then expect you all to stay friends I don't know.
I hope you tell them, then withdraw.

I get that. But the family have known this child since he was 2! A toddler. It's not like he's just been introduced. I presume he and his family thought they had been accepted and taken part in full family life because of the OPs reaction to the situation.

I think it takes a hell of an attitude to 'other' a family member that they have known since he was two. If people think that's ok, then fine, it's on them. It's not ok in my book. It's cruel and an unnecessary petty wielding of imaginative power 'you're not one of us', especially if we are talking about a few grand.

I wouldn't do it, and I'd be appalled if any of my family members thought that was a way to behave.

Our two are very pleased they’re no longer in the care system, and have two parents rather than one.

I think it shows that they do not consider him family & it’s disgusting.