My Son not allowed to stay in in-laws’ holiday home

[OurNev]

My mother-in-law is in her late 70s. She owns a house that’s been in her family since the 1930s. It’s owned by her, a couple of cousins and the daughter of a deceased cousin.

They have always been generous with this and we have enjoyed lots of holidays especially when the children were small. DH still has an annual trip with his siblings and cousins.

DH’s second cousin has managed this house and raised money for its upkeep.

All of the grandchildren have stayed there with their friends.

My son wanted to go there during his first reading week, but this has been refused as he is a step-child. DH’s second cousin has been completely open about this and no one is challenging it. The request went through my DH and she gave an excuse but told my SiL the real reason. Only family are invited. But scout groups have been allowed to rent it!

They have known him since he was two and we have been married for fifteen years.

My son is quiet and hardworking and while I have met only one of the two others who he wanted to invite they too are respectful.

They won’t challenge this cousin as she has worked tirelessly to stop this house being a money pit.

So just as I was at my lowest DH and his brother had a conversation and this house will be sold in a couple of years and money distributed proportionately among third generation with my youngest son inheriting a few quid but not my eldest.

My ils had a huge static caravan... Only sil's dc ever got invited. And they were their biological dc from tenor own ds... Some people are cunts op. I hope you don't do any wife work that involves Christmas /birthday for such twats.

It’s mean.

All the blood business is so silly if your son has been part of the family for many years since a toddler.

Im lucky in that new mum legally adopted me ( my own mum died) but I still had the blood nonsense from her mother.

I can never understand these attitudes. Besides the fact that it’s downright spiteful
your ds could one day have an influential career and earn a lot of money.
i hope he does and then tells them to take a hike.

But if they paid that’s to mitigate that plus they would have claimed against the clubs for damange.

Your lad may be lovely but his to them not family nor a paying guest.

Why do you think the family made the choice to help the younger generation deliberately to avoid any going to your son?

Isn't it more likely that they feel the youngest ones are the generation that needs it the most and will benefit the most? Unless there’s been some kind of difficult history that you aren’t mentioning?

The inheritance I think is normal. Not letting him stay there seems mean.

I’ve been a foster carer and loved the children I had, treated them in every way the same as my own, as did my extended family.

I would still say there is a special delight in seeing family members reflected in DC- the bounce in my cousin’s walk that apparently is inherited from a great uncle, along with the blond curls. My son’s similarity to my dad, etc. It’s a special connection that one of your sons has that the other doesn’t.

God I hope your son comes up on the euromillions. Then we'll see who is family and who is not.
Stick yer holiday home up your arse and whistle for yer Xmas pressies.

And do you not think that fostered /adopted children KNOW this nepotism/favouritism?

Of course they do.

That would upset me. Hope your son's not too upset, people can be so mean.

That's really vile. I would never look at him the same again, ever. Sorry your boy had to deal with that.

Why is your dh laughing? Does he always laugh when his family do hurtful shit?

Wouldn’t that be just wonderful!😂
They’d be bowing and scraping , saying “ we knew you since you were a little tiny boy !
( with greed in their 👀 eyes)

This.

Why is your dh laughing?
Why isn't he angry that his son is being treated so differently in terms of being able to use the house or not ?
If you and your dh had got together last year, then it is slightly different, but as you have been together virtually all his life, then it is really bizarre that your dh wouldn't make a stand against the cousin (?) who has made this arbitrary statement. Though in truth I would also be expecting every other relation who was aware to be standing up for him too.

My son is quiet and hardworking and while I have met only one of the two others who he wanted to invite they too are respectful.

I'm sympathetic to them not wanting random guests of family there. That would have been an adequate reason.

To say it's because he's not blood related seems pretty awful.

This.

@EmeraldIsla

Trust me this is why it’s been done so my eldest wouldn’t get a pitiful few grand in a few decades’ time.

The house was owned by either MiL’s grandparents or a ‘maiden ‘ aunt (their terminology not mine). DH doesn’t know the details. The inheritance will be disproportionate based on the original inheritors.

I believe BiL would not have had this conversation with my husband if my son hadn’t made this request about the house.

The four owners could have a quarter each but the cousin who is being a cow to my son has actually been’fair’ by going back a generation to work out proportions putting herself at a disadvantage.

These people are ‘decent’ yet can’t bring themselves to allow a nearly 20 year to stay for a week in a house based on his DNA.

I feel utterly sick.

I see the reasoning with the inheritance to some degree but i feel furious on your behalf about the holiday home , i don't think i could keep my mouth shut about this i would be telling them to shove it up their arse and i absolutely would not stay there again.
Very mean people to treat your son like this.

I think it's mean to not allow your son to stay there.

But I kind of understand him not being included in the money from the sale. It's a bit mean, but I don't think it's entirely unreasonable.

It doesn’t make anyone more important than anyone else. Everyone is equally prioritised, according to needs. But despite viewing them equally, some children have a special connection others do not.

My brother’s DC- I barely know them. Met them maybe, 5 times? I certainly wouldn’t prioritise them above children I actually know. But they share a special connection with me, regardless.

DH and MiL don’t smile at the bits of my dad they see in DS2. They smile at the reflected bits of their family.

Are you sure it's not that he plans to bring friends no one knows? As in massive teenage party?

Also I completely can see why he's not inheriting, that's pretty normal. He has his own paternal line that your youngest son won't inherit from.

Has your DH formally adopted him/ does he call him dad and have the same surname? I think this could sway some families.

I can’t see what the issue is with him being allowed to stay there for a week.

Maybe they're renting it out? they bloody should be!

Ibiza locals living in cars as party island sees rents soar (bbc.com)

It's not the OPs money to split.

You’ve not said why your DH is teeheeheeing at such bullying.

The whole family sound pretty questionable.

As my own grandmother would say: Are they quite right in the head?

Once your DH stopped laughing, what did he say?