My Son not allowed to stay in in-laws’ holiday home

[OurNev]

My mother-in-law is in her late 70s. She owns a house that’s been in her family since the 1930s. It’s owned by her, a couple of cousins and the daughter of a deceased cousin.

They have always been generous with this and we have enjoyed lots of holidays especially when the children were small. DH still has an annual trip with his siblings and cousins.

DH’s second cousin has managed this house and raised money for its upkeep.

All of the grandchildren have stayed there with their friends.

My son wanted to go there during his first reading week, but this has been refused as he is a step-child. DH’s second cousin has been completely open about this and no one is challenging it. The request went through my DH and she gave an excuse but told my SiL the real reason. Only family are invited. But scout groups have been allowed to rent it!

They have known him since he was two and we have been married for fifteen years.

My son is quiet and hardworking and while I have met only one of the two others who he wanted to invite they too are respectful.

They won’t challenge this cousin as she has worked tirelessly to stop this house being a money pit.

So just as I was at my lowest DH and his brother had a conversation and this house will be sold in a couple of years and money distributed proportionately among third generation with my youngest son inheriting a few quid but not my eldest.

and as for your inheritance expectation…. that’s a bit odd

bloody hell op you were posting about them excluding a year ago

it’s not going to change so either accept it or not

This is the saddest thing I have read in a long time. Absolutely awful.

What a nasty family 😢 I’d be gutted too OP.

I'm so sorry OP, I can't imagine your hurt for your lovely boy. It is so wounding.

You will just have to suck it up unfortunately, but I would so suit myself regarding these people going forward.

It is so deeply hurtful when this happens in families.
I cannot understand the thinking.
Whatever about the inheritance and sticking to the letter of it, not allowing him to have it for a week is just awful.

What is your husband laughing at?
Sounds absolutely moronic.
Your poor son.

I remember your previous posts when your son was left out of some of the celebrations for your in-laws' Golden Wedding Anniversary. I think you were disappointed that your younger son seemed fine with this exclusion and didn't care that his brother was treated differently despite being part of the family from such a young age.

Things aren't going to change. I would pull back from spending time with your in-laws as it is just distressing for you to witness them treating your elder child so poorly.

Think that’s totally outrageous. I would no longer have contact with anyone who treated any of my children like this. I am a step child myself and my own two older children are step children and this would be unacceptable in our family.

Mean not to let him visit.
It's not mean not to include him in inherience. I would but most people I know wouldn't.

This. Inheritance is separate issue and fair enough I think. But not letting him stay there is just mean.

I have no time for this petty behaviour at all. People are awful when it comes to inheritance/money stuff. I have two adopted children and if I get even a whiff of them being treated differently by family, then I will call it out and possibly withdraw from the relationship, I won't expose my children to it. My children are my family - and understand what 'family' means much more than some of the 'family' I am related to by DNA.

Your son is family, whether he shares DNA with them or not.

'Just' family - honestly, you wouldn't think it was real grown ups talking.

i would tell them thats really hurtful.Your ds has always considered them properfamily. leave it at that.its on them.

Yes, I agree, it may be that he wants to stay with student friends, that has put them off. The other groups, I assume, were paying rent, which is some sort of insurance.
I definitely wouldn't expect him to inherit.

Inheritance is fine. Not what I would do but their choice

the house is a different thing entirely. I’d be very tempted to tell mil that if she thinks blood is the only thing that makes someone family you’ll be leaving her to it going forward seeing you’re “only” an in law… Old bag.

That is awful behaviour if they have known him since he was 2 - he should be very much part of their family and treated the same as the other cousins in the family.

I echo what others have said about the inheritance- there is probably the assumption he has another side that he will inherit from. I would see these as two separate issues.

Yes there is, our daughter has her grandmas laugh and smirk, a smirk used on a far too regular basis. Our son is a miniature version of his uncle, eye rolling included and the same odd seated posture, an inability to sit in any chair normally, the same way of speaking despite having different accents.

They’re both adopted.

Our sons foster carer also cosseted biological children, she was thankfully prevented from fostering due to the additional trauma she was choosing to cause to children she was supposed to care for.

No it’s not. I have a step grandchild. She won’t get an equal share of any money I leave, because she has a very wealthy mother and is an only child.
maybe they just didn’t want 3 first year students in the house?

i thought this, too.
Your son, alone, studiously studying during a reading week? Sounds fine.

But your son plus other 18 year old mates they’ve never met?

I agree with others saying that not being allowed to stay there and the inheritance are two separate issues. Not being allowed to stay is plain nasty and your DH should call his cousin out on it.

The inheritance is different as your eldest son has his own paternal family. One of my friends has two children from her first marriage and two from her current second marriage. The paternal grandparents from the first marriage are wealthy so her eldest two will probably inherit quite a lot. If they choose to share it with their younger siblings, that'll be their choice. It's nothing to do with their Mum.

I wouldn't expect eldest to inheritance but I'd certainly be adjusting my own will or growing a savings pot for ds1 so that both sons end up with an equal amount.

It's fucking cruel to not let him ise the house if they would let his sibling.

Given the age of everyone involved, I'd be clear as day with both sons about why the eldest is not allowed to stay and hope it sours the relationship with that side of the family. Make it clear that you yourself will be having nothing to do with them and you stand by eldest. Fuck them.

Well fair enough of they'd given that as a reason. In fact, I doubt anyone would think that was unreasonable.

So why did the calculated little bitch go out if her way to say its because he isn't blood? To be fucking nasty.

My step children won't inherit things from my side of the family, my daughter will.

They do have access to all of the 'things' though. Your 'family' are being mean.

I would feel sick too OP, it's so mean and hurtful and I don't suppose there is any easy way of hiding it from your DS.

Yes! All of this.

This makes sense.

You need your DH to kick off about it. He should stand up for the boy he's helped raise the last 15 years.