To not want to hear MIL mention DH's ex wife at the dinner table 5 years on?

[PippaKing]

I may get flamed for this but honestly, I would just like to get through one family dinner at the table with the in-law's without hearing my DH's ex wife name!

They have a shared DSD (11) so of course DH's ex is part of our lives in some way or another, but is it too much to ask to spend 30 minutes at a table after I've cooked a roast for everyone for 3 hours without hearing her name? I wouldn't think anything of it coming from DSD, but she wasn't even with us on this particularly occasion. MIL will always seem to find a way to bring her up, whether it's negative or positive, I hear her name. For example, weekend just gone it was 'I heard XXXX has a new car' and 'I chatted to DSD's friend school mum at pick-up and she doesn't like XXXX'.

Like who even cares about any of this stuff? DH & I have been together 5 years now too and are married so we aren't in a new relationship with each other. DH handles it well, he will quickly change the subject or make a remark that none of us care about the answer, plus I've heard him countless times in person or over the phone asking her to just stop it...but she pays no notice (to anyone tbh) and because she doesn't think of it as a big deal, then it's fine.

I'm pretty thick skinned usually, but I'm honestly just fed up with it now. I have no personal issues with DH's ex either. I mean I've never met her and even though she was a little high conflict at the start of our relationship, things have been pretty calm the last 3/4 years.

AIBU to want a family dinner when DSD isn't there to just not hear her name?

Turn to your FIL and ask him who he was dating before he met your MIL. Then keep referring to that woman again and again.

She sounds like my sister, it's boring and attention seeking, trying to goad. Your dh just needs to keep saying stop it mum,no one cares, why do you keep talking about her.

Oh please do this! 🤣👏

Buy a buzzer and use it every time she uses the ex's name. Tell her you're conducting a study.

'Yet again you have mentioned Fiona. Why? You are in MY house, eating MY food that I have made for you, yet you continue to disrespect me. Either you stop doing it Deirdre or you can have your food on a tray in the sitting room and reflect on your bad manners!'

@Attelina

I also love this

What does your husband say ir think?

Beepedy Beepedy Beep Beep TARA UPDATE!!!

And repeat every time.

My step FIL loved to mention my partners ex constantly. No kids, no lasting friendship with step FIL, he just thought it was funny. So for a long time whenever I invited him and MIL over I'd include his ex wife. He didn't like that.

My own mother did this to all of us until after evades of dealing with it I started mentioning names she'd rather leave in the past. Get the name of that ex girlfriend of your fil.

Tell husband to be more blunt. "Mum I've asked you not to do that, it's disrespectful to Jane. Another potato?"
"Mum I'm not going to have you be rude to my wife. Kindly stop it".
She'll argue it isn't rude. If she's been asked 3 times to stop and doesn't then it's rude enough to not be invited for a while.

Another vote for this!

I think you’re being unreasonable. Your DH’s ex-wife is still in his life because they’re co-parenting a still fairly young child, therefore she’s still in the lives of your PILs as the mother of their grandchild. Just because you made them dinner doesn’t mean you get to impose selective amnesia or a gagging order! You say yourself you have no issues with the ex, and have never even met her, so surely your PIL have no idea that mentioning her is such a source of distress to you?

Ha ha, you should definitely do this🤣 evil, I like it😁

He's told his mother "countless times " , so she does have an idea. It's in the OP.

It's good to hear other people's opinions on the other side...

I get what you're saying, however her name doesn't cause me stress, it's more just annoyance now, almost a bit disrespectful. DSD will chat about her and I don't think anything of it because it's her Mum, but the in-law's haven't seen her in 6 years and it's always pointless remarks that nobody actually cares about...I mean why do I need to know or care what car she drives? I couldn't even name the car of my next door neighbour & I see it everyday 😂

Brilliant!

You absolute legend! This is a level of petty i aspire to.

She was part of their lives. Why would they try to airbrush her out? 🤷‍♀️if you’re insecure then best sort it out.

No advice op but just to say this would drive me mad - YANBU.

@PippaKing just stop inviting her to eat at your house! remember, your house, your rules!! also speak to dh so he reinforces the new rule with fil and mil!

I’m not sure I get why it’s disrespectful. They were together, have a child together, I don’t really get why mentioning her name is disrespectful to the current wife.

but my dad mentioned my mum (his ex wife) in his wedding speech so obviously my radar is probably different!!

sooooooo cool

😂 genius I'm stealing this