Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to hear MIL mention DH's ex wife at the dinner table 5 years on?

183 replies

PippaKing · 15/10/2024 16:23

I may get flamed for this but honestly, I would just like to get through one family dinner at the table with the in-law's without hearing my DH's ex wife name!

They have a shared DSD (11) so of course DH's ex is part of our lives in some way or another, but is it too much to ask to spend 30 minutes at a table after I've cooked a roast for everyone for 3 hours without hearing her name? I wouldn't think anything of it coming from DSD, but she wasn't even with us on this particularly occasion. MIL will always seem to find a way to bring her up, whether it's negative or positive, I hear her name. For example, weekend just gone it was 'I heard XXXX has a new car' and 'I chatted to DSD's friend school mum at pick-up and she doesn't like XXXX'.

Like who even cares about any of this stuff? DH & I have been together 5 years now too and are married so we aren't in a new relationship with each other. DH handles it well, he will quickly change the subject or make a remark that none of us care about the answer, plus I've heard him countless times in person or over the phone asking her to just stop it...but she pays no notice (to anyone tbh) and because she doesn't think of it as a big deal, then it's fine.

I'm pretty thick skinned usually, but I'm honestly just fed up with it now. I have no personal issues with DH's ex either. I mean I've never met her and even though she was a little high conflict at the start of our relationship, things have been pretty calm the last 3/4 years.

AIBU to want a family dinner when DSD isn't there to just not hear her name?

OP posts:
Ramblethroughthebrambles · 20/10/2024 14:17

Maybe she struggled to accept the split and still feels resentment/ grief about the loss of her previous DIL? Her behaviour is insensitive and inappropriate and it's her responsibility as an adult to move past this. However, maybe her behaviour is coming more from feelings she can't express than intentional hostility to the OP. I think this can sometimes be why friends struggle not to mention times spent with an ex. You could ask her, when dc not there, whether she has found it hard to cope with the split as she mentions ex DIL surprisingly often 6 yrs on. Even if this isn't the case, it's a less confrontational way to call out her behaviour as odd. If you think she is just goading you, then focusing on her feelings/ possible difficulty coping could still embarrass her into shutting up.

5475878237NC · 20/10/2024 14:19

sprigatito · 15/10/2024 16:28

Buy a buzzer and use it every time she uses the ex's name. Tell her you're conducting a study.

Spat out my coffee to this one.

Nanny0gg · 20/10/2024 14:22

Alexaremovethenotifications · 16/10/2024 20:47

My husband has a friendship group through work and one wife constantly mentions his ex.

She mentions her every time we meet. We all work for the same company, but due to the size of the company I have never crossed paths with his ex professionally, and saw her once on a night out 11 years ago.

He was with her when he was in his early 20s…..i was still in school when they dated. They split long before we met. He is now 45. I’ve been with him for SIXTEEN years.

I now bow out of any social occasions with the friendship group because I don’t need to be around it. I’m not even bothered about the ex, I’m bothered that this woman gets a kick out of mentioning her. The last straw was when my husband and son went to the last gathering and she told my then 10 year old “we remember when your dad used to come to these bbqs with another lady”.

You sound like you’re getting the same. Don’t let someone disrespect you, particularly not in your own home.

I hope your husband told her her fortune

Why does he even speak to her?

TinyFlamingo · 20/10/2024 14:23

I'd be so tempted to make a drinking game out of this, fully get up off the table, or leave the room, pour a drink (not necessarily alcoholic) and then return and keep doing it, even get your hubby to join in and cheers.
But I'm petty. 😂

Nanny0gg · 20/10/2024 14:24

CosyLemur · 20/10/2024 08:12

Grow up!
This is a person who is still very much family to your IL's and DH. You shouldn't have got with someone who's divorced and has a child if you don't want to hear anything about past relationships!
And yes my MIL talks about my OHs ex and we've even been to family events together!

What is the relevance of bringing her up when the child isn't even there?

ironflan · 20/10/2024 14:49

Attelina · 15/10/2024 16:29

'Yet again you have mentioned Fiona. Why? You are in MY house, eating MY food that I have made for you, yet you continue to disrespect me. Either you stop doing it Deirdre or you can have your food on a tray in the sitting room and reflect on your bad manners!'

Haha... On a tray Deirdre hahaha

Unicorntastic · 20/10/2024 15:23

Urgh, my MiL does this, or did until fairly recently and we've been married for 12 years, my FiL has done it too, even called me by her name. I put it down to age but it's very annoying

Pat888 · 20/10/2024 16:19

DMIL would even mention 50 year old DBILs girlfriends from his 20s-nd 30s (who of course were such lovely girls)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page