To tell my friend that her husband is trying to cheat on her - with me?

[ThisLoudBeaker]

My friend’s husband has been DMing me inappropriate messages for weeks, and while I’ve brushed them off, I’m starting to think I should tell her. But I know this would blow up her family, and she’ll probably hate me more than him. AIBU to stay quiet and avoid the drama?

I’d tell her.

Your better off telling because if it ever comes out and you didn’t tell you’ll loose the friendship anyway.

I would tell her. You have the messages as evidence.

Tell her face to face though, not by message.

If she’s an acquaintance more than a friend, like a school mum for example, then I’d leave it. If it’s a proper friend then you should tell her, in person. If she finds out you didn’t tell her then the friendship is lost anyway

Screenshot and show her

This.

Have you messaged him very firmly in response telling him to bugger off? 'Brushed off' suggests you might have done that been polite to avoid bad feeling thing, but not necessarily plainly said stop it. If you have and he's still persisting, tell her. You've then proof you've done nothing to encourage him.

Instead of brushing them off, tell him he’s being inappropriate and block him. I wouldn’t get involved at all by telling her unless she is a really close friend.

What did he say when you told him he was a horrible pervy cheating shit and that his wife deserved to know?

Tell him he has a week to tell her or you are sending the screenshots yourself.

You have to tell her.
Regardless you can't continue the friendship as it was.

This is true – friendship forever changed regardless.

Show her, tell her but know that she'll likely not thank you for it unfortunately.

Be prepared for her to cut you off, mind. Shooting the messenger is very common.

I’d tell him to stop immediately or you’ll tell your friend. Then keep the messages.

I’ve definitely tried to be polite to avoid any awkwardness, but you’re right, I haven’t outright told him to stop. I didn’t want to cause unnecessary drama, but now I’m realising I need to be more direct. I’ll send a firm message and make it clear that this is completely inappropriate. If he doesn’t back off, I think telling her will be the next step.

Whether you tell her or not eventually your friendship will be ruined. If you tell her you will be the bad guy and if you don't and it comes out you will be the bad guy. The whole situation sucks but I would prefer she knew now rather than eventually. It may be retrievable once she realises you have her back but that could take time if it ever happens.

This, but take screen shots of your rejection.
And then if it becomes nessicary to have the evidence you do.

Surely you shouldn't even have to ask what to do here op. Id have probably ignored the first pervy message thinking it could have been a mistake but surely when you continued to receive messages you should screenshot them and forwarded to her immediately with a message saying thought you should see these

How friendly are you.

Does she have kids? Do you?

If she has kids with him and you are not that close, then I would just ignore his messages and not tell her.

Blowing up a family is a very big deal. She could be in a position where she can't sleep/eat.

He's a dirty sleazy prick.

How inappropriate are they? Testing the water or full on dk pic?

You ahould have told her straight away

Can you give us an example of some of the things he has said? How inappropriate are we talking? There is a world of difference between, I don’t know “you looked well when I last saw you” and “fancy a shag”
Sorry, I hope that’s not patronising and you get what I mean. If you’re absolutely certain he was trying it on I would absolutely tell her. Wouldn’t you want to know in that situation? Your loyalty is with her

Honestly I would tell her.

If you feel you can’t, DON’T write in your firm reply ‘or I’ll tell your wife’. That puts you in cahoots, so to speak. Even if it’s part of a brush off! You’re already saying, if you behave I’ll keep this between us.

This is why I’d just tell, to be honest - if it’s moved past the ‘this could be taken either way so I’ll just pretend I’ve not noticed the suggestiveness’ stage, then you are already lying to her, so to speak. That’s what I’d try and avoid at all costs.

But agree no easy way out of this one. Horrible shitty man

We’re fairly close, and she does have kids, which is why I’m hesitating. I know this could turn her whole world upside down, and I don’t want to be the one to do that. At the same time, it feels wrong to ignore it completely. I agree he’s being a sleaze, but I’m stuck between not wanting to hurt her and not wanting to stay silent about what he’s doing.