To announce pregnancy at birthday party

[MyJollyLion]

My mother is having a party soon to celebrate a milestone birthday.

Husband and I have been TTC for almost a couple of years now, which mum knows about and is excited for. We’ve recently found out I’m pregnant, and the date of her party will be just after our 12 week scan, so we wanted to announce it at the party - nobody knows yet.

I’m youngest child and this will be my first baby. Mum has three grandkids already, all are young adults now and one of those has two kids too. Mum is very maternal and loves having babies and kids in the family.

I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something.

Yes it is. Very rude. The focus should be on your DM, not you. Tell her afterwards!

Hmm how about telling your mum first and perhaps asking if its OK to announce to wider family at the party?

I think tell mum a few days before the party. If she then wants to use the party to announce the pregnancy, then she can be a part of that

Oh no. Definitely not. Announce it before, as that will explain why you’re not drinking.

I think that you're asking MN means that yes, it's probably poor form. Can you speak to her and tell her your news beforehand then share more widely at the party if she's happy?

No, the party is about her, not you. I would tell her the day before the party, then she can be the one to share her excitement, if she wants.

Tell your mum first then ask her what she thinks about the wider announcement

It's her party not yours. Tell her the day before if you want to break the news ans get her permission to use 'her day'.

Absolutely not. That's a really bad idea!

Yes this is unreasonable. It will take the focus off your mum and it is her party. Announce before or after. Things like this can cause a rift even if you think she will be over the moon etc. timing is wrong

It's very poor form & the fact you're asking means you know that. The party is her day. Let her have it

As pp suggested tell her before the party she might announce it I'd she's making any kind of speech or suggest you tell people but don't ask her if you can - shes hardly going to feel she can say no - or just do it. That's just rude

Agree with this.

I wouldn't even tell her until after her day. You are supposed to be celebrating her big birthday day. She won't have another one for a decade. Let her be the centre of attention instead of wanting an audience for yourself.
Congratulations!

My mum would be delighted, but plenty wouldn’t. I would also tell my mum privately before the party so she’s first to know.

I hate the word “announce”. Tell her quietly before and ask if it’s ok to tell others at the party.

However, I do not understand people getting upset about good news being shared on their birthdays. How precious.

I don't think it's poor form, I don't think my own mum would give two hoots and would make her say to be honest, especially if it's taken some time and a struggle as your post suggests. However, I do agree it may be better to tell your mum before or even on the morning of the party before other guests arrive, simply because you'll want to cherish her reaction and telling her 1 on 1 may be more special. I'm sure she won't care about the lime light!

*make her day

It depends on your mother really. My mother and my MIL would both be absolutely thrilled to hear this news, and would both love being able to share it with everyone present at the party (they aren't the types to hold news for long 😅)... but seemingly there's others who would probably be annoyed and see it as "stealing thunder".... which side do you think your mam would fall into? And when would you tell your DHs side of the family?

Very poor form. Let your mum have the one day she has for her milestone birthday, and then announce it. Or announce it beforehand. Whatever.

I think a big “announcement” from you would be poor form, however I think telling your Mum the news before the party so It’s out there and it would be exciting for her and you to be able to share with guests.
if you want to “announce” it, I would wait until afterwards.

It’s an exciting time for you and your close family but it won’t really be exciting for anyone else assuming there will be people at her party that you won’t be close too. I wouldn’t announce it

In general it's poor form to announce anything at another person's celebration so I agree with PPs that it's much better to tell your Mum privately beforehand, perhaps after your scan?
She can decide if she wants to disseminate the news at her party. She might prefer to tell her friends and family individually rather than make a big announcement.

If you must do it on that day get to the party earlier and tell her before anyone else gets there or stay late and do so once everyone leaves

Not that you want to think this way but if anything goes wrong with the pregnancy her birthday will forever be a reminder so I personally would do it a couple of days before or after.

Tell your mother separately, before her birthday.

I'm assuming it's her 60th or 70th? I can't imagine getting to that point in life and feeling 'upstaged' by good news.

I'd have thought it would just add to celebratory mood of the day, but others seem to think differently!