To announce pregnancy at birthday party

[MyJollyLion]

My mother is having a party soon to celebrate a milestone birthday.

Husband and I have been TTC for almost a couple of years now, which mum knows about and is excited for. We’ve recently found out I’m pregnant, and the date of her party will be just after our 12 week scan, so we wanted to announce it at the party - nobody knows yet.

I’m youngest child and this will be my first baby. Mum has three grandkids already, all are young adults now and one of those has two kids too. Mum is very maternal and loves having babies and kids in the family.

I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something.

No, but if I’m going to a 70th birthday party I expect those 3 hours of that day to be about the person whose birthday it is.

You do enjoy your hyperbole, don’t you?

Agree with this.

I’m not a martyr. I don’t prioritise my family everyday to the point that I feel my birthday needs to be all about me as it’s the only day of the year I can have that.

I have 2 children an equal partner and shared responsibility.

Maybe the issue here is that many posters have no balance between being a mum/grandparent/wife and being an individual

Good point.

Why do you need to announce a pregnancy at all? Tell people as it comes up in conversation after the party. You don’t need to tell the world at once. If anyone questions why you are not drinking at the party you can just say you don’t feel like it today or you are driving, it’s not complicated.

Hijacking someone else’s event, like a birthday, milestone or not is bad form.

Tell her the day before so she is even more excited to celebrate. Don't do it at the party

Also I don't think the "announcement" will be quite as you imagine. Of course people will be pleased and say congratulations but in the grand scheme of things they won't be that bothered. Best not to do it, just makes you look a bit needy.

Because it’s a lovely surprise for someone who loves to be a grandmother.

Likelihood is, ironically, she’ll be excited to talk about it with friends at the party.

This. Just tell people as and when it comes up if people ask why you're not drinking. And tell your mum now. What are you waiting for?

Jesus. PLEASE DON:T DO THIS. So bloody unfair. So many people on here saying, oh she wont' care, she's older.

She will.

Let her have ONE BLOODY DAY that's about her and not her kids.

Well, it really depends on who is there and whether your mum would like it and what you mean by "announce".

If you are planning on a big showy announcement to everyone in the room, it comes across a bit "look at me" especially as everyone there has come to celebrate with your mum and not you, and may not actually be that interested.

If you want a showy announcement and everyone saying well done, then do to your own friendship group.

I personally wouldn't impart my "big news" at someone else's event, but only you know your family dynamics.

You could tell her privately as a birthday surprise for her if you like but not announcing it at the birthday party. The vast majority of people there won't be in the least bit interested and it's making your mother's birthday party about you. I can't stand people doing things like that - similar to people announcing pregnancies or engagements or whatever at someone else's wedding.

I suspect the Op found out she was pregnant today and already thinking about her FB post announcing it with the ultrasound pic 🤭

@AuldSpookySewers

Well said. I'm getting married soon and be delighted if either on the unmarried (adult) children announced their engagement or any of them announced pregnancies at the reception. It's just not a big deal to me that they are piggybacking on my event because it's the only time we'll all be together. I don't think many of the posters know what it's like to put others before yourself either.

It’s rude. Even if your mum was fine with it, other family members might see it as a bit of attention seeking.

I wouldn't be happy about it as it's making her birthday celebrations all about you. Unless you tell your mum before the party and get her consent to tell people late on in the party after cake etc then don't do it.

I don't think many of the posters know what it's like to put others before yourself either.

Oh I'm sure they do.

But if OP is really thinking about her mother, why not do her the courtesy of telling her first. then if her DM wants to share the news at her party, fine.

This sort of passive aggressive comment is very childish. And wrong.

I am looking at the point of view, of other people. As in, should I make my mums birthday party about me or let her have a few hours where it’s about her. And if my sibling decided to to make my mums party about them I would think it was a bit shit of them. Because I think my mum, just a for a few hours should come first. Not about myself. Especially when she announcement can be made at any time.

I am not thinking ‘oh I wouldn’t like someone doing it at my birthday’

You are the one equating it to yourself and it’s being your event. Not everyone else is.

@itwasnevermine their identities are not "reduced" to being a mother or grandmother, that's a strange and frankly sad view. For most women, who are happy with their lives, it enriches and adds to their lives and it's something to celebrate. My mum is NOT JUST a grandma but ALSO a grandma. And that is something most people will want to acknowledge and celebrate. A new grand baby in the family is something lovely. And something grandmas AND grandpas are usually over the moon about!

I do know a few women who seem to hellbent on not "losing their identity", who talk like you. I guess they find motherhood hard or they're going through a hard time otherwise. I have a good career and lots of accomplishments. Now I have a newborn, my life revolves around my baby (and so does my mum's who is absolutely obsessed with him!!!). No one has been reduced to anything, but celebrating and enjoying a new stage of life.

Again, I understand at 18 you would have resented such an announcement and your sister miscalculated that. But at 60, an announcement about your grand baby is totally totally different.

But you are.

Because you think becoming a grandmother, again, should over ride any other feelings anyone else has about the situation.

I wouldn’t. Tell her in person if you can, or WhatsApp before hand. Before the party if you think people will notice you’re not drinking and then you can openly talk about it 😂

You can give her the lovely surprise without making a big announcement at her party.

Apart from anything else, I think your mum deserves to find out 1-1, to feel that you've told her specially. Not that she hears it at the same time as a bunch of randoms (well maybe not quite, but...) some of whom may have little to do with you.

Even better if there is a family WhatsApp group and just get it out there, preferable a few days before the party.