Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To announce pregnancy at birthday party

364 replies

MyJollyLion · 13/10/2024 15:01

My mother is having a party soon to celebrate a milestone birthday.

Husband and I have been TTC for almost a couple of years now, which mum knows about and is excited for. We’ve recently found out I’m pregnant, and the date of her party will be just after our 12 week scan, so we wanted to announce it at the party - nobody knows yet.

I’m youngest child and this will be my first baby. Mum has three grandkids already, all are young adults now and one of those has two kids too. Mum is very maternal and loves having babies and kids in the family.

I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 15/10/2024 23:35

Tangerinenets · 15/10/2024 23:29

Agree. People on Mumsnet are very weird ! They’re up there with the no one, but the bride, should wear white at a wedding crowd 😂

Show quote history

I'm far from that crowd. I couldn't have cared less what anyone wore at my wedding in any colour.

I think anyone making an announcement that they're pregnant to a party cringey in the extreme. Their own party included. And keeping it a secret from your own mum for weeks just so you can tell her in some silly showy way with a scan picture or gimmicky card rather than just using your words like a grown-up is just embarrassing.

Nothing to do with thinking the mum needs to 100% be the centre of attention, just weird behaviour to deliberately wait till that day.

NewName24 · 15/10/2024 23:42

I think anyone making an announcement that they're pregnant to a party cringey in the extreme. Their own party included. And keeping it a secret from your own mum for weeks just so you can tell her in some silly showy way with a scan picture or gimmicky card rather than just using your words like a grown-up is just embarrassing.
Nothing to do with thinking the mum needs to 100% be the centre of attention, just weird behaviour to deliberately wait till that day.

Absolutely, all of this.
I would think it very odd if my dd thought it was a good idea to share her lovely news with my colleagues and other non-related friends at my big birthday party at all, let alone when she hadn't even told me and her Dad, and her siblings and grandparents.
Really odd.

Notalltheleavesarebrown · 15/10/2024 23:48

When anyone asks, has MN changed, this thread epitomises it. When I was expecting my first, I was actively encouraged to do the scan image in a card thing. She was delighted for us and when they had an anniversary party a few weeks later, she was desperately hoping I would be big enough to show.

On the other hand, when BIL tried to use our wedding day to announce he was getting married to, it really rankled! But that might be because he is a sociopath and was stealing wine from my father's cellar in the run up to his big announcement!

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 16/10/2024 01:28

Notalltheleavesarebrown Putting a scan image in a card is nothing like making an announcement at a party!

mathanxiety · 16/10/2024 04:11

Indeed, @MeowCatPleaseMeowBack , and I doubt putting it in the card that your mother would open at her own big birthday party would have met with anything but a lot of tutting twenty years ago on MN.

Yes, put it in a card she would receive a few days before the event.

But her big birthday is above all else an acknowledgement that she lived many years before she had you, so you shouldn't put yourself at the centre of it.

Alongthepineconetrail · 16/10/2024 04:19

Your mum should enjoy her milestone birthday without it being highjacked as a baby announcement party. Leave informing the family until a few days or a week afterwards.

I'd advise giving your mum a gift which celebrates her birthday rather than the fact she's about to become a grandmother. Otherwise you're making her birthday all about you and your child and not about your mum. Remember the party is for her, not for you.

SD1978 · 16/10/2024 04:20

Absolutely poor form. It's your Mother's Day and you want to make it about you. Announce afterwards. You sound like you've already decided that she would want you to, it's so special she would be happy for you too, and I'd bet you'll do it regardless, and we're hoping for some validation around the decision. I disagree that it's the right place to do it, pretty much everyone disagrees it's the right time to do it, but I'm sure there'll be an update saying you're going to and your mum is delighted.

LostittoBostik · 16/10/2024 04:35

MountainDewey · 13/10/2024 15:03

Hmm how about telling your mum first and perhaps asking if its OK to announce to wider family at the party?

I would do this

CheshireDing · 16/10/2024 04:50

It's rude and selfish, leave the poor woman to have one day of her own fgs.

Reminds of a family wedding I went to about 30 years ago, the brides Sister got engaged at the wedding (boyfriend went down on one knee at the wedding reception party). There was lots of screaming and excitement at that moment. Then the rest of the wedding evening was people complaining about how rude it was and what poor form. Took the shine off the bride and groom

Notalltheleavesarebrown · 16/10/2024 06:58

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 16/10/2024 01:28

Notalltheleavesarebrown Putting a scan image in a card is nothing like making an announcement at a party!

Except that I was encouraged to give it to her to open publicly. 🤷‍♀️

It's a classic MN thing. Birthday parties are for kids, no adult needs a fuss making over it. Also MN, don't ruin your mum's special day by telling her something she is going to be over the moon about.

Genevive24 · 16/10/2024 07:03

I disagree with telling before, the focus will still all be on you during the party if you do that. Have the party, then stay late and help her to tidy up. Before bed, or the following morning, tell her you have one last surprise for her, and share the news.

SpinninandReelin · 16/10/2024 07:17

I know the long round to conceiving (5 years) @MyJollyLion but I still don’t see why you need to tell at the party. Your mam has a happy event coming up with her big birthday. There’s another happy event she doesn’t know about also coming up (your pregnancy). Why not take her for a nice lunch or call round and say we have a special early birthday gift for you and give it/tell the news then.

I would worry the party should be about her seeing all her friends and family and it might overwhelm her getting emotional news on her special day. If I was your sibling tbh I’d also be a bit annoyed you insisted on telling her during her party which presumably a lot of planning has gone into and changed the focus of the day to you (even if it’s you and your DM both being the focus)

DappledThings · 16/10/2024 07:23

Why not take her for a nice lunch or call round and say we have a special early birthday gift for you and give it/tell the news then.
Why not just tell her the news as it is without framing it as a present for her?

AmIEnough · 16/10/2024 07:46

I think in this situation I might very quietly take my mum to one side to tell her and then if she feels it’s appropriate to announce to the rest of the party that’s her decision and you can then go and announce it but if she chooses not to I think it would be best just to hold fire until another time. Many congratulations!

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 16/10/2024 09:01

Notalltheleavesarebrown · 16/10/2024 06:58

Except that I was encouraged to give it to her to open publicly. 🤷‍♀️

It's a classic MN thing. Birthday parties are for kids, no adult needs a fuss making over it. Also MN, don't ruin your mum's special day by telling her something she is going to be over the moon about.

Show quote history

Opening a card is still nothing like an announcement at a party...

This isn't an MN thing.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 16/10/2024 09:41

Notalltheleavesarebrown · 16/10/2024 06:58

Except that I was encouraged to give it to her to open publicly. 🤷‍♀️

It's a classic MN thing. Birthday parties are for kids, no adult needs a fuss making over it. Also MN, don't ruin your mum's special day by telling her something she is going to be over the moon about.

Show quote history

No one is saying it will ruin the party.

People are saying let the mum bask in her milestone birthday celebrations, where its all about her.

Then let her bask in the pregnancy/DGM to be joy too. Seperatetly, as they are seperate things.

Why does OP need to make her mums party about her....

People will congratulate and be happy for her as that's the right thing to do.

Doing the same many years ago does take away from it being poor form.

beanii · 16/10/2024 20:27

By telling her at the party, even if you take her to one side quietly, it will turn it to be about you - even if it's her telling people etc.

Bourneo · 16/10/2024 20:33

Oh my goodness, no idea why people are so negative! I think it would be the best present she could ever ask for and she'll be over the moon!

Emmz1510 · 16/10/2024 20:45

Whaleandsnail6 · 13/10/2024 15:03

I think tell mum a few days before the party. If she then wants to use the party to announce the pregnancy, then she can be a part of that

This

Unicornsanddiscoballs91 · 16/10/2024 20:52

Ask her!

Explain you're having a baby, don't want to take over her party, but when would it be OK to announce it?

Mill3nnial · 16/10/2024 20:53

No why would you even think to do that unless you were trying to get the attention to yourself

Unicornsanddiscoballs91 · 16/10/2024 20:54

Alongthepineconetrail · 16/10/2024 04:19

Your mum should enjoy her milestone birthday without it being highjacked as a baby announcement party. Leave informing the family until a few days or a week afterwards.

I'd advise giving your mum a gift which celebrates her birthday rather than the fact she's about to become a grandmother. Otherwise you're making her birthday all about you and your child and not about your mum. Remember the party is for her, not for you.

What's the hurry? Leave it a week?

Kd96 · 16/10/2024 20:55

Tell mum and let her announce the exciting news at the party ❤️ congratulations 🎊

Manthide · 16/10/2024 20:58

cardibach · 13/10/2024 17:36

I think it’s odd not to tell your mother until the 12 week scan, on reflection.

Edited

I told my mum when I was 25 weeks pregnant with my first dc and 13 weeks with dc2.

Sjh15 · 16/10/2024 21:05

Get your mum a bday card with a photo of the scan on/in and give it to her beforehand.
then let her decide if she wants to announce

I knew I was just over 4 weeks pregnant at my SILs baby gender reveal. When we were asked by other SIL if we were pregnant again (have a 3 yo and had had a recent miscarriage) (she always asked me this) I lied and said no. There was no way I was going to take any attention that day xx