To announce pregnancy at birthday party

[MyJollyLion]

My mother is having a party soon to celebrate a milestone birthday.

Husband and I have been TTC for almost a couple of years now, which mum knows about and is excited for. We’ve recently found out I’m pregnant, and the date of her party will be just after our 12 week scan, so we wanted to announce it at the party - nobody knows yet.

I’m youngest child and this will be my first baby. Mum has three grandkids already, all are young adults now and one of those has two kids too. Mum is very maternal and loves having babies and kids in the family.

I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something.

Delighted there’s a baby? Sure.
I think ‘announcing’ a pregnancy (as opposed to telling your nearest and dearest straight away and others as it becomes relevant) is OTT anyway, but at someine’s pe isl event it becomes a dick move (even if they are pleased by the news/don’t mind).

Don't be daft.

The announcement is about the parents. Not the grandparents. It's announcing that the Op is pregnant. The mum is becoming a grandmother (again) be default.

A pregnancy announcement is about the couple. Not extended family.

My DH's friend announced her pregnancy to the friendship group at our wedding. His brother and sister in law made a big show of special t shirts last Christmas to announce their pregnancy (to 4 people). I don't really understand the need to make a big display, couldn't you just tell people without it needing to be so dramatic?

I fully appreciate that when it has taken much longer than expected you are beyond thrilled (we had IVF in the end), it just feels very "modern / social media-y" to make big public announcements like this .

YABU. I know my mum wouldn’t mind but equally, I wouldn’t put her in that position. It’s lovely news and huge congrats but no need for a formal huge announcement. Just tell the appropriate people at the right time.

I was at a funeral where the daughter of the deceased announced her pregnancy. It was not well received by the rest of the family.

Poor form (and I'm a Grandma too). It's her day. Tell her and other close relations/friends beforehand.

Congratulations.

Very poor form.

YABU and really, it’s quite self-centred to even contemplate doing this

I don’t get what you’re saying? Are you agreeing with me? Or not?

I think it is childish that a grown up would be upset because their birthday hasn’t been all about them for the whole day with people fawning over them and no one else. It’s pathetic.

I agree tell her before. It's not fair to steal the focus at her party.

@hughiedoesntfight its just as she said ‘announce’ so thought that’s the sort of thing she had in mind. I was suggesting that, rather than ‘everyone, we’ve got some news we’d like to share!’ I don’t think the news would dwarf it at all. Something like ‘An amazing mother, grandmother to 3 wonderful grandchildren- soon to be 4!’ I think that would be fine, it’s not a competition. If my own daughter did this in the future I’d be over the moon, best birthday surprise. I wouldn’t for one second be thinking she’d taken my spotlight.

Your mum is likely to be hurt that you have not told her so it might to ruin her birthday. Imo the 12 week is not for nearest and dearest, its only for those you would not want to know /explain things to if you had a miscarriage - surely that doesn't include your mum or other close family! If it was your mum I'd be really upset.

@Humphreyshead I think it's pathetic that women are having their identities reduced down to mother and grandmother. By default her own existence is being erased because she's moved into another role - she must be happy to be grandma again.

OP can wait, or tell her before the party. But to make a grand announcement at the party just shows she's juvenile and needs all attention to be on her.

Surely many grandmothers are thrilled to find out that they are going to be a grandparent, regardless of how many grandchildren they already have.

This. Could you put scan pic in her birthday card maybe. If she is as maternal and grandmotherly as you say then am sure that would be a lovely gift.
Ps
I would love that if It were me

Absolutely. But why need to “announce it”? They could tell her whenever.

💯 % 👍

She can still enjoy her birthday! This announcement doesn’t diminish her as an individual woman.

My auntie had a big party when l was just pregnant - l got just our family together and made a small announcement - everyone was thrilled - 1st baby in the family for about 30 years and l think when people are in their 60's and 70's they don't care about it being all about them. Weddings are different of course, that would be bad form.

I remember reading a very similar.post to this. The consensus then was that it is rude.and I still agree. My parents would be overjoyed but then they dont take birthdays too seriously. Is there a reason you can't telephone your mum, do a videocall or if you live close enough just pop over?

I agree!!

Your mum is a great grandmother so I’m assuming it’s her 70th? Why not tell her before her party, that would be a lovely surprise. Then tell others separately. I would not be announcing on her special day.

Because it would make a lovely birthday surprise

If you were to have a baby shower would you be happy someone bringing a birthday cake and letting everyone know it’s their birthday?

I wouldn’t announce it at the party because the party is about your mum not you. Why not surprise her beforehand and then ask if you can announce it at the party for family if you really want to let them all know in person. She will either say yes or no but then at least you don’t run the risk of upsetting anyone (I’m sure you won’t but still it’s your mums party)

Who said she wouldn't be thrilled?

@itwasnevermine an 18yo sister relationship and a 60/70 yo and their daughter is quite different. I can’t imagine feeling upstaged by my own daughter, seems very petty and immature.