To announce pregnancy at birthday party

[MyJollyLion]

My mother is having a party soon to celebrate a milestone birthday.

Husband and I have been TTC for almost a couple of years now, which mum knows about and is excited for. We’ve recently found out I’m pregnant, and the date of her party will be just after our 12 week scan, so we wanted to announce it at the party - nobody knows yet.

I’m youngest child and this will be my first baby. Mum has three grandkids already, all are young adults now and one of those has two kids too. Mum is very maternal and loves having babies and kids in the family.

I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something.

No it's really rude let her have hrt special birthday. You could always make it even more exciting and tell her in advance then she has even more reason to smile.

@Humphreyshead but it does. It becomes about her being a grandmother again, rather than her being her.

Would i be right in thinking that you have just found out your pregnant and this party isn’t for many weeks away?

It's petty and immature to make your mum's day about you.

Don't do it. .tell her beforehand.
The party is about her not you

So why the issue about doing it then? If you know she’ll be thrilled at the news. It’s such a lovely birthday surprise

But that’s part of who she is.

@Humphreyshead but it's not her only identity. She is herself first and foremost and maybe she would appreciate a day about her, rather than a day about her as a grandmother?

And some aren’t. My parents both sat in total silence, as if the end of the world had just been announced (they are in fact now very nice grandparents to my DS, their only grandchild, but you would have thought I was announcing an accidental pregnancy as a 15 year old rather than as a married 39 year old professional who’d planned it) and my MIL (mother of five, grandmother to ten) just said ‘An only is a lonely!’ My FIL took one look at our faces and said ‘Congratulations !’

So if I’d been expecting pure joy, sunshine, dancing with delight, and that it would enhance any of these grandparents’ significant birthdays, I’d have been badly let down.

Do people on this thread genuinely wake up on their birthdays and expect the whole day to be about them?

Do they also expect everyone around them to suddenly think if them as women and not mums/grandmothers?… You know you can be all those things together?

Tell her before. Otherwise the party is diverted to your celebration.

Is it not lovely if she finds out the day before?

it’s not about being thrilled to find out your child is having a child.

It’s been explained to you several times. It’s still very much making the party about the Op. Which I think is rude.

Why would it bother so much for a woman to just have one day that’s about her?

Your parents don’t sound anything like the OPs.

@itwasnevermine its not making it all about her. For me the pregnancy is exciting and happy news for the whole family not just the parents to be. It sounds like she wants to tell her mum on her birthday because she knows it would make her mums day.

I hope, if I'm ever lucky enough to become a grandparent, that my DC would tell me before announcing the pregnancy to my random friends who may be attending my party.

FFS, no one needs fawning over. Don’t be ridiculous. The poster you’re quoting is disagreeing with your martyrdom position.

Women who spend their lives prioritising their families deserve that the main conversation on their once-a-decade birthday party to be about something other than their daughter’s pregnancy.

Chats about shared jokes, a catch up, a good laugh. Celebrating the friendship and events of a life. As soon as the pregnancy is “announced”, that’s it for the conversational topics.

I’m sick of mother/grandmother being the filter through which adult women are seen. We get to exist outside that, too.

@MyJollyLion - do you think your mum deserves a party where she’s what’s celebrated? Where people came because they value her and want to hang out with her? Or is her role as Your Mum the important bit?

Tell her before or after; I’m sure she’ll be absolutely thrilled. But give her the consideration of a celebration about her, not family.

To an extent yes? The news can wait.

A whole day? Just about one person?

No one else is allowed to do or say anything that could distract from the birthday girl? Seriously? Once again, I say it’s pathetic.

Personally not a fan of big pregnancy announcements. I always told people on an individual basis. It's quite self indulgent I feel. I know it's exciting and I understand the trying for a while as I did both times but really it's quite a personal thing.

No but I would expect a party to be focused on who the birthday party is for.

I think that’s also a good point.

Most people tell their parents and close family first before everyone else.

you tell her a few days before the party, and then let her announce she's going to have another grandchild.

But in the same vein you could say Op has any other day to announce her pregnancy.

Why does she need to make the party about her announcement?

is that equally pathetic?

It’s not a whole day either.

Its a party.

and yes, I would have avoided announcing big news at a party that’s about for someone else.

I would announce to my mum as birthday gift but wouldn't announce at the party.