Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So angry!!! My Mother ruins kids birthdays every year!!!! am I sensitive? This is not normal is it?

343 replies

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 13:43

my kid has been bullied and has no friends. Mum knows this. Every year the party is just her and us family. Yesterday, I said my maya and jack (my collegues) just texted happy birthday to you. My daughter says thank you, aww that’s so nice, they remember every year” She goes “wait really? They did? Haha I’m so shocked. I thought no one cared about your birthday other than me” “I thought I was the only wishing you a happy birthday year year” “lmao”

my daughter looked visibly upset after this. Even if this is true, was this necessary to say out loud?

The year before that, at my cousins sweet 16: “did you guys know my uncle died sitting on the toilet? Ewww I would not want to die sitting on the toilet” “with his pants, underwear down and everything” while we eating cake

Last year, when we are at our nephews birthday dinner party, eating cake in a good mood, celebrating, she starts out of no where talking about funerals and burials! “Oh I really want to put up a nice gravestone for my parents. Funerals are so expensive nowadays. I’m saving for my funeral btw, I would not want to be cremated” when I say “mom! Stop, This is inappropriate” She goes “oh cmon it’s only natural”

when I bring up what she said every year and how it’s upsetting, she says “omg, did I really say that???” I don’t even remember saying that, wtf is wrong with me, I must be losing my mind”, but does the same thing every year over and over again

my cousin got a terrible diagnosis that makes her unable to stand and move. On her birthday, we try to cheer her up, tell her it’s going to be ok. She says she will look for a different job where she can sit, after treatment. mom goes “who tf would want to hire you now?? You are a liability. Dead weight. useless. Worthless. No one”

again, even if true, why the tf would you say this out loud and like this?

the year before that, insists she will buy party food for my son. I give her a list. She buys only 2 small things on the list, and instead of buying a cake my sons wants, she buys a cake my son hates and my daughter is allergic to and puts it on his table. A cake she loves. When I ask her why would buy yourself a cake on his birthday, a cake he hates? She goes am I not allowed to buy a cake I love? (Why on his birthday thought?)Then goes on how she is too broke to buy party food. And how she has no money. Then, when my son is gifted an expensive cake and a box full of sweets by my husband, I go the kitchen to get them, they are gone!!! She ate the whole cake and the whole box of chocolates by herself!!!! Didn’t even leave him a piece or one chocolate! Am I sensitive or is this rude behavior??

my sons birthday 5 years ago. I’m busy with his party. I’ve been doing/helping mom with a very long year long extremely stressful project. She brings it up on his birthday. I say, “i need a break please, don’t want to talk about this now” she pretends she can’t hear me and goes on. I repeat again, “I don’t want to talk about this now, I’m very stressed, let me celebrate my sons birthday, tomorrow please” she again, pretends she can’t hear me. And keeps talking and showing me pictures while I’m running around decorating. I say “why are you ignoring what I just said??? I said NOT NOW PLEASE” She AGAIN pretends she can’t hear me, goes on shoving photos and documents in my face. I get mad and lose my temper and shout “wtf did I just say, what is wrong you??? She leaves, then bursts into tears at son’s party saying your mum screamed at me.

what she said to my daughter is the last straw, I warned her not to say anything inappropriate this year. She promised she would watch her mouth. Am I sensitive??? Or would it be right to never invite her again?

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 13/10/2024 14:46

It's really disturbing that you are subjecting your children to this awful behaviour

As harsh as it sounds I agree with this. Your children must dread their birthday celebrations.

Faldodiddledee · 13/10/2024 14:46

On the specific issue of birthdays, you know she can't behave, so don't invite her. Sob story or not. Just take your children out to a restaurant or cafe for a meal with the three/four of you and one special friend if they have one good friend (or cousin, relative if not). Don't invite her, but if she wants to pop in for a cuppa and drop off the present, fair enough.

It's on you to make sure your children's birthdays are celebrated well, with people who are their supporters. Do something out of the house, even a park picnic if you have money issues. Don't allow her to come around and bully people. Be assertive, take charge of at least that.

As for what you should do with her more widely, she does sound odd and rude, and it might be that she's always been a bit like this or it may be she's worsening for some reason, either way, you don't have to just sit there and put up with it. I would deal with that issue separately to the birthday issue.

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 14:48

my kid has been bulliedz

The poor child doesn’t get a break from bullying from family whilst OP facilitates it

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 14:49

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 14:13

Always been like this to me. Always making rude comments. She was always nice to kids and other family though, it’s the last few years she showing her true colours.

So why Op

Why did you carry on exposing your children to her?

childcare?

Do you have a partner ?

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 14:50

Growing up she would always tell me how extremely sensitive I am if I were upset at her rude comments or behavior. Call me crazy. Would say I have a mental illness because it’s not normal to get upset like this over nothing. Threaten to take me to a doctor and put me on medication and antidepressants if I react like this.

I guess thats why I still keep thinking if I’m overreacting

OP posts:
thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 14:51

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 14:50

Growing up she would always tell me how extremely sensitive I am if I were upset at her rude comments or behavior. Call me crazy. Would say I have a mental illness because it’s not normal to get upset like this over nothing. Threaten to take me to a doctor and put me on medication and antidepressants if I react like this.

I guess thats why I still keep thinking if I’m overreacting

Quite the opposite

You have been massively under reacting for years

Do you have a partner?

How old are your children?

flyingmice · 13/10/2024 14:52

Well, we can safely say that your kids will one day look back and wonder how their mum could do this to them. And maybe they will be strong enough to go NC with you and break the circle.

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 14:52

my kid has been bullied and has no friends. Mum knows this. Every year the party is just her and us family.

what the hell is being done to address years of serious bullying OP?

Lemonadeand · 13/10/2024 14:56

It sounds like you’ve given her enough chances.

sadeightiesthrowback · 13/10/2024 14:56

If she was nice to the kids and family when you were growing up and only showing her 'true colours' lately, I would wonder if she's not showing signs of a mental decline or MH.

Or she's miserably trying her best to get attention that she might feel she's due and missing out on?

She is definitely out of order coming up with such inappropriate topics at parties and gatherings, bad enough if she felt the need to say such crazy things when it as just you and her.

If I missed that you might have said this has always been her way, then I would say this stops NOW.

No more invites to family and friend's gatherings until she learns to keep her mouth shut and not disrupt and upset.

Remember: even bad attention is better, to some, than NO attention.

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 14:57

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 14:52

my kid has been bullied and has no friends. Mum knows this. Every year the party is just her and us family.

what the hell is being done to address years of serious bullying OP?

That problem has been fixed, bullies been dealt with. But she still struggles to make friends

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 13/10/2024 14:58

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 14:02

“I’m shocked, I thought no one cared about your birthday other than me lol” “I thought I was the only one wishing you happy birthday all these years lol” today she says my daughter and i how extremely sensitive we are and how there’s nothing wrong with that comment.

am I sensitive? Or this rude saying this especially knowing granddaughter has no friends

Edited

It's rude and unkind. She knows exactly what she is doing. Please stop inviting her to your home and to any special occasions involving you and your children.

easylikeasundaymorn · 13/10/2024 14:59

I chose 'YABU' only because WHY ON EARTH have you invited her yet again after all the previous examples? The DS birthday where she bought herself a cake he didn't like and then ate the full cake he could would have been the last straw.

Bad enough if you're a glutton for punishment but I notice none of the examples were on YOUR birthday, it's your kids' birthdays she's ruining, why on earth are you letting her?

". Every year, She goes to my kids crying how something wrong with them because they are too sensitive or begging for forgiveness"
Seriously this is far from normal. You need to be protecting your kids, not exposing them to this.

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 15:01

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 14:57

That problem has been fixed, bullies been dealt with. But she still struggles to make friends

read your own op 🙄

so now your daughter isn’t being bullied?

(well she is by her grandmother but that’s another matter)

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 15:01

flyingmice · 13/10/2024 14:52

Well, we can safely say that your kids will one day look back and wonder how their mum could do this to them. And maybe they will be strong enough to go NC with you and break the circle.

I didn’t want to invite her. after She goes behind my back, crying to my kids and manipulating them, they then Insist I invite her “grandma is sick, she swears it’ll never happen again and begged for forgiveness, we are too sensitive, if we don’t invite her it’ll kill her”

but you are right. I need to end this now.

OP posts:
thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 15:02

Have you at least give. another school a go?

Do you have a partner?

How old are your children?

TofuTart · 13/10/2024 15:03

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 15:01

I didn’t want to invite her. after She goes behind my back, crying to my kids and manipulating them, they then Insist I invite her “grandma is sick, she swears it’ll never happen again and begged for forgiveness, we are too sensitive, if we don’t invite her it’ll kill her”

but you are right. I need to end this now.

How old are your kids?

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 15:04

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 15:01

read your own op 🙄

so now your daughter isn’t being bullied?

(well she is by her grandmother but that’s another matter)

”has been bullied” so past tense, early this year, didn’t write “is being bullied”

i was in a rush typing, sorry if made typo

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 13/10/2024 15:04

Jellybeanbag · 13/10/2024 14:26

Are you sure this all actually happened? 🤔

Are you accusing the OP of lying? If you don't think this is genuine, report the threat instead of making snarky comments.

Usnone · 13/10/2024 15:05

You're not overreacting. She's an attention-seeking arsehole with no empathy. Nasty baggage. Tell her to fuck off for good. You've given her more than enough chances but she simply doesn't give a shiny shit about anyone but herself.

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 15:05

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 15:02

Have you at least give. another school a go?

Do you have a partner?

How old are your children?

Yes we moved schools. Where she struggles making friends

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 13/10/2024 15:07

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 14:50

Growing up she would always tell me how extremely sensitive I am if I were upset at her rude comments or behavior. Call me crazy. Would say I have a mental illness because it’s not normal to get upset like this over nothing. Threaten to take me to a doctor and put me on medication and antidepressants if I react like this.

I guess thats why I still keep thinking if I’m overreacting

You are under-reacting if anything. If anyone was deliberately mean to my kids, I would cut them out of my life.

BlackToes · 13/10/2024 15:08

Stop inviting her. Ask her to join you for a meal the following day.

thanksanyway · 13/10/2024 15:09

do. you. have. a. partner?!

how old are the children?

why are you avoiding these questions?

flyingmice · 13/10/2024 15:10

Mememeandmeagain · 13/10/2024 15:01

I didn’t want to invite her. after She goes behind my back, crying to my kids and manipulating them, they then Insist I invite her “grandma is sick, she swears it’ll never happen again and begged for forgiveness, we are too sensitive, if we don’t invite her it’ll kill her”

but you are right. I need to end this now.

She should not be able to contact them. It’s your job when you know full well she is manipulating them saying she will die if they don’t invite her. Put a stop to it.