DH won’t let me use his account

[PBJlover]

DH pays for a Spotify subscription. I’d like to be able to use it to listen to music while getting ready in the morning (a time when he doesn’t use it). Also I could use my phone to play music for us in the car, instead of him trying to DJ by fiddling with his phone while driving. He wants us to buy a second subscription for me instead of letting me login with his. Mostly because he doesn’t want me to “mess up” his Spotify “Wrapped,” which gives you a report of what you listened to at the end of each year. I am sick of us paying for so many digital subscriptions. Yes, it’s only a few dollars a month, but such subscriptions add up! A streaming service here, a storage app there… etc etc. Am I being unreasonable to wish to use his account?

I would either take his phone off him or I'd be driving. Fiddling with a phone while driving is so dangerous.

He does obviously. And I would too. I had Spotify duo a while ago and it cost around 3 quid more a month. My DH has a hugely different music taste to me and I also didn't want his taste interfering with the algorithms. One of the biggest benefits of Spotify is the music you might like function. This would totally skew it

Was just speaking with DH. He says, “I think $60 is worth it for the wrapped report. It’s like a time capsule.”

I think what’s also going on with Wrapped being so important to some is that they use it to construct their identity. They use the report as a mirror to show them who they are through what music they listen to. DH agreed.

Looks like he won this disagreement. Thank you to everyone who helped me understand. And thank you for the car safety warnings. You’re completely right.

That said, I’m still surprised by the strongly negative reactions, even though this has happened several times to me. I’ll post about a very insignificant and mundane domestic disagreement (like over a shoe rack) and get many of what feels like over-the-top reactions. I guess don’t post if you can’t take it! Haha.

It amounts to £2 a month extra each. Right now you are paying half of his subscription that you can't use. So get duo and suck it up that it's personally going to cost you an extra £2 per month, or £4 as a couple. I get you feel your subscriptions are mounting up as they do. But if you want the service, perhaps this is not a hill to die on.

How do the kids get on his YouTube? If it's a shared computer, why does he not log out when he is done. He is responsible for protecting his own account

Don't worry — the artists still get paid per stream if you block ads, same as a standard account.

YABVU and quite controlling! It sounds like you're being difficult for the sake of it, it's really not a lot of money and your husband clearly doesn't want to share his, so get your own!

OP: I think what’s also going on with Wrapped being so important to some is that they use it to construct their identity. They use the report as a mirror to show them who they are through what music they listen to

That's a little harsh! It's not some kind of crutch for people floundering in an identity crisis ... it's more like a time capsule, a memory box

I’m with your DH - our shared Alexa spits out my hard rock music and his Shania Twain/little mix/musicals in any old order.

I keep my Apple Music account free of his “crap” so when I am walking the dog or in the gym I am not subjected to it.

It's not just wrapped though, it populates your history, your frequently listened to... I got my son an account cos I was sick of seeing his ugly gaming music covers on mine lol.

This.

OP can only see her own point of view, and therefore in her eyes everyone else with a different view is mistaken.

Passive aggression finegling as victimhood.
Goodness knows what you’re like over the important issues when there’s a difference of opinion. HSLY

Great news! This is your chance to take an actual moral stand about something!

(Seriously, this is like being a vegan and saying your partner is unreasonable for not letting you have some of his steak.)

You say you wouldn’t want to share a social media account, but for me at least, Spotify is closer to socials than just a streaming service. It’s not just a list of songs, or a radio station, I consider it more interactive than that. It’s personalised to me, even if your DH doesn’t create playlists or se the algorithms, it’s his. You clearly wouldn’t start adding your friends to his Facebook account this is the musical equivalent of that.

We have the family account £18 for upto 6 accounts. It's £10 for one!

I would not want to share!

I’ve scrolled through this whole thread and struggle to see why you think responses are over the top and hostile. Does the fact that you’ve gotten a majority ‘negative’ reaction (i.e. we don’t agree with you) ‘several times’ in the past not speak to you at all?

You obviously find it beneath you that DH ‘constructs his identity’ through Spotify wrapped (lol), but you clearly construct yours by being obtuse and condescending. All you’ve been told here is that you’re not better than him or ‘right’, and that seems to tick you off.

Yeh. By her own admission this type of thing happens a lot. It's a pattern of unreasonable behaviour on her part but she can't see it. She's so convinced she's in the right...that it must be everyone responding to her that's unreasonable and overreacting.

Did you miss the part where I said DH was right? Since when is wanting to engage in discussion unreasonable? “By her own admission this happens a lot.” I was referring to the handful of MN threads I’ve started for a light-hearted discussion of an insignificant domestic disagreement that garnered some over-the-top heated replies. No need to be so nasty.

😱 yabvu imo 😬 I'm a music geek, I have loads of playlists and enjoy using the features as the algorithms are attuned to my very specific taste. Get a family package or one that's free with ads.

If you're not a music fan I can understand that it may not seem a big deal but like any hobby, if it's your thing, then it matters