DH won’t let me use his account

[PBJlover]

DH pays for a Spotify subscription. I’d like to be able to use it to listen to music while getting ready in the morning (a time when he doesn’t use it). Also I could use my phone to play music for us in the car, instead of him trying to DJ by fiddling with his phone while driving. He wants us to buy a second subscription for me instead of letting me login with his. Mostly because he doesn’t want me to “mess up” his Spotify “Wrapped,” which gives you a report of what you listened to at the end of each year. I am sick of us paying for so many digital subscriptions. Yes, it’s only a few dollars a month, but such subscriptions add up! A streaming service here, a storage app there… etc etc. Am I being unreasonable to wish to use his account?

OP, you sound a bit red-flaggy 🚩. DH cited Wrapped as an example because you're on at him about it. That's all. Marriage doesn't entitle you to share accounts of any kind, email, banking, media, social. It has to be a choice, given freely. DH said No, respect that.

Far more important is that DH shouldn't be fiddling with his phone while driving. That's the behaviour to change if you/he want to save money, before you write off the car, run up medical bills, and lose earning capacity after life-changing injuries and/or a long prison sentence for killing one or more people.

Oh great.

Artists already get next to zero per play of their work and you're proposing stealing that content now. 🙄

This is really interesting... half of you would never share your Spotify and half don't care... I'm in the don't care camp but my dh gets really cross if the kids gp on his YouTube and he ends up being recommended minecraft videos etc. I guess it must depend on how much you rely on an algorithm to amuse you - I search for what I want and watch/listen to that... your dh likes his 'wrapped' at the end of the year. Different strokes I guess.

This.

OP you're telling DH he can only have something (his own Spotify account, in this case) if he justifies it to you. That's controlling behaviour and not on. He doesn't have to justify anything to you. If the family could only afford one Spotify account then he'd be selfish not to share, but that isn't the case, the family can afford two and you can have your own. He's not trying to restrict your access to Spotify at all, he just wants his own sole use account. You don't have to understand why, but you do have to respect his decision. Just because you don't like it and don't want to pay for a second account, it doesn't make him unreasonable.

The only part where he's being unreasonable is fiddling with his phone while driving. It's illegal and risks an accident. It's fair enough if you're annoyed about that. He needs to create a playlist in advance, set it to play and leave the phone alone until he arrives at his destination.

For the same of a few pounds a month, let it go.

It’s been pages and pages people saying yabu and a bit of a red controlling flag. But you still didn’t want to get it.That’s why. Pay for your own music if you want to listen.

This. It’s only fair to pay. It’s already cheap.

Well then, pay for it?

Pay the extra for a duo account and then cancel one of his other subscriptions.

If money is tight, maybe you should each choose the subscriptions that mean the most to you, within a set budget each

@PBJlover

I don't use Spotify but based on what people are saying about what the Wrapped report is - an end of year review of your use of it - it is probably important to him because he's interested in it and it's his own personal record.

Look at it this way - say you were doing something - anything - that you were interested in running every day or several times a week, trying to cut down on your alcohol consumption or chocolate bar purchases, read a book a week or as many as you can in a year, or wanted to see your split of fiction/nonfiction reads - it doesn't matter what but something you are interested in monitoring in respect of your own activity or performance.

If someone else interferes with or logs on to your record keeping, your own results won't be accurate and you'll be cross about - so

you've read 71 books in the year but your partner logs in and reads 37, you will get and wrong report, won't be able to easily see what you've read and they've read and you will be annoyed because you were tracking what you were doing.

He was his own yearly record uninterfered with by other peoples activity because he's interested in it. That's it. It's not so hard to understand.

Think of it like any of these categories of things that might interest you and you might want to track.

Why don't you get a family subscription problem solved

I would never ask to share a social media or email account. But sharing a streaming subscription seems perfectly normal between a married couple.

DH and I share an individual account (also with our 4yo) as we rarely use it at the same time, but you really don't get the best out of it. I feel bad for DH because he used to get recommendations from Spotify that led to him finding what are now some of his favourite bands/artists, now his algorithm is so messed up from me listening to 70s/80s music and DS listening to kids music and the SING! soundtrack that his recommended songs are usually fleetwood mac or taylor swift and he's quite annoyed about it. I get it! We keep saying we're going to change it to the family account but never get around to it.

Definitely with your husband on this! If I had my own account set up to my tase preferences, I don't think I'd share it now...

Ethically speaking, none of us should be engaging with Spotify because the company is so unfair toward the artists.

It's either Tesco or Sainsburys that used to congratulate you for being the no.1 purchaser of marmite in the region or something like that. 😂

Even after 8 pages of people telling you yabu?

Your husband doesn’t agree with you. Married or not.

🤣That's so funny

And that's why it's worth paying for Duo.

If you wanted to understand about the Wrapped thing, you would have started a thread about that. Instead, you’re condescending to your DH under the umbrella of “too many subscriptions”, “why pay extra” etc.

He has something he owns and likes and has fixed to just the way he likes it. Like his paperwork, or his sock drawer. You come along asking to share because you don’t want to pay for another filing cabinet or sock drawer. He says no because he has it all color coded just the way he likes it, so he can find what he needs quickly and efficiently. You’re saying we have too many drawers and cabinets, what’s so amazing about a color coded system anyway blah blah.

You’re getting hostile comments because you’re being condescending. If you want to listen to music on Spotify, get your own account or listen to the ads - it’s really that simple. You can’t appropriate something of his just because you’re married and have joint finances. It’s your problem you don’t like having too many subscriptions and find ads annoying; he’s solved this problem for himself.

You should pay for your own or get a shared subscription as already suggested. You want to take something that is not yours. This is stealing. Musicians rely on the royalties they get from here. Not all Musicians are rich. You are stealing royalties. How would you feel if someone stole something of yours?

I share my Spotify with dd we both have our playlists. We share has I hardly ever use it.

Ahhh so you won't boycott them so long as it's your husband paying, but you'll whinge about the adverts if you want to use your own free account and then go back to boycotting them rather than pay your own way. Right. Got it. 👍🏻

Spotify's revenue is 13.6 billion euros a year, plus they can still collect all of OPs data to sell to advertisers at an exorbitant profit. Her husband already pays for a subscription, which by OPs own admission, she would share anyway rather than subscribe again. Given that OP isn't planning to subscribe, a few quid in a the purse of a struggling household where it clearly makes a difference rather than in Spotify's pockets... It's not something I'll lose sleep over, personally. Plus, adblockers are great for privacy and security too!

I realise this doesn't solve your actual argument OP, but just thought it might allow you to listen to music in the meantime 😄