Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

[ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat]

It’s my birthday. 47 years on this planet. Had the same name for all of them.

Just two cards through the post, one from each of my mum’s sisters. Both of whom came to my wedding 20 years ago, where the words Mr + Mrs Hisname never appeared, and the cheques they each kindly gave us had to be corrected because neither of us changed our names. (They noticed we hadn’t cashed them and we had to tell them we couldn’t pay them in as we had no joint account (still don’t) and so no account existed that would recognise me as Sarah Hisname.

So why, 20 years on, with a few gentle reminders on the way, are the envelopes addressed to Mrs S Hisname and Sarah Myname-Hisname?

It’s very sweet of them to send cards at all, as a text would be absolutely fine, but I’m bamboozled by why anyone would go to the effort of buying and sending a card to someone and using a name they have NEVER used?

So if you do this, WHY?!

Yawn

Get over yourself

Get over yourself

It’s rude and lazy and would annoy me too.

The words you are looking for is " thank you for your kind card"

They probably forgot.

The cheque thing is annoying but it's just old fashioned etiquette.
It will fade out as older generations go - the same as cheques are pretty rare these days.

I didn’t change my name and a few people refer to me by DH’s surname, usually in the context of addressing a card to me. Doesn’t bother me - the societal norm is to change your name on marriage, so it’s not an unreasonable assumption if they don’t know either way.

I didn’t change my name but I don’t want a medal for it; it was mainly for professional reasons.

Not letting go of tradition. My Nan just couldn't bring herself to do/or not do certain things that she had been brought up with.

It’s not that big of a deal.
Older person assumes woman has taken husband’s name, as was done by the majority of people until 30 or so years ago.
Also I’m pretty sure the bank would have accepted the cheques with your marriage certificate and an explanation as your marriage certificate is the only thing you need to show your right to use that name.
Personally I use my husband’s surname, weirdly my son changed his name to my maiden name when he turned 18, no big fall out with us he just thinks it’s a better name. It’s a name not a political statement.

My dad does it too. Despite the fact that he knows I haven't changed my name because he also very kindly booked many flights for me! I just roll my eyes and ignore it. I think he's just had it built into him that this is the only appropriate way of addressing an envelope.

For others, I give them the benefit of the doubt because at the end of our ceremony the Registrar did announce 'the new Mr and Mrs XX' because the only other option on the list seemed to be 'the happy couple' which made me feel slightly nauseous, but I also didn't feel it was the right time to say 'the new Mr and Mrs XX but she will still be known as Ms Y'!

Expecting cards to be addressed correctly after all these years is hardly wanting a medal for not changing your name.

Because they are presumably at least in their 70s if they are aunts and grew up in an era where it was the societal norm for most women to change their name on marriage. 🤷‍♀️

I had a friend's parent (who I am guessing was born around 1950, for context) ask me what my 'new name' was shortly after my marriage, and when I explained I hadn't changed it she simply couldn't understand. She kept saying 'but that's not legally possible' !

The only time I've done similar is when I knew HIS name, but didn't know hers. I mean I knew her, I knew her first name, we were friendly, but I knew her through her children which had his surname. So I never knew her surname and would address her as Ms Hername Hissurname.

She was fine about it.

it Irks me too but not worth making a fuss over. I have couple friends who are both doctors and some relatives address joint post to them as “Dr and Mrs hisname” which I would pull them up on

Because they're either lazy or rude. You don't repeatedly use the wrong name, it's like addressing a card to Sarah instead of Sara for 20 years!

Because they don't give a shit. That's it really. It's very rude though

I think the context is important.

Eg if somewhere official like a bank or the council automatically assumed that you must have changed your name and addressed things to "mr and Mrs smith", that would be worth fixing. My 97 year old grandma doing it, I don't care.

Missing the point but...you can still cash the cheques if you take in your marriage certificate.

Meh - let it go. As long as they got your pronouns right ...

Because they are rude and lazy. Any of the tradition bullshit is just an excuse for being rude.

But they have known this, about the OP for 20 years, they were at her wedding and they are family. And throughout these years, they have been reminded of this. Being from a different era is not relevant. I find it quite arrogant of them.

Most definitely. Rude and arrogant.

Nonsense. It's the older generation who like doing cards and it's the older generation who assume all long term couples are married, share the same surname and have joint bank accounts. It's nothing to do with care, it's to do with their time. They are stuck in their ways.