Do you do this? If so, WHY???????!!!!!!

[ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat]

It’s my birthday. 47 years on this planet. Had the same name for all of them.

Just two cards through the post, one from each of my mum’s sisters. Both of whom came to my wedding 20 years ago, where the words Mr + Mrs Hisname never appeared, and the cheques they each kindly gave us had to be corrected because neither of us changed our names. (They noticed we hadn’t cashed them and we had to tell them we couldn’t pay them in as we had no joint account (still don’t) and so no account existed that would recognise me as Sarah Hisname.

So why, 20 years on, with a few gentle reminders on the way, are the envelopes addressed to Mrs S Hisname and Sarah Myname-Hisname?

It’s very sweet of them to send cards at all, as a text would be absolutely fine, but I’m bamboozled by why anyone would go to the effort of buying and sending a card to someone and using a name they have NEVER used?

So if you do this, WHY?!

They just forgot. Honestly it's not healthy to become so angry about such a trivial thing.

why would you think I have any preference?

My MIL still does this. Our wedding anniversary card is addressed to me and Mrs Hisname. Only been married 30 odd years. She knows I didn’t take his name. I even have my own business which for the last 15 years has my surname in the company name. It’s bonkers and rude.

This nailed it really

We didn’t (and still don’t) have a joint account. So neither of us could pay it in.

What? 😄

Of course it's rude. It's deliberately ignoring what your name is.
If it's not a genuine mistake then it's deliberately rude.

I changed my surname to DH's on marriage. My (feminist) mother sends cards to us addressed to Mr and Mrs His firstname His surname. I have pulled her up on it before, but she just forgets. She isn't doing it to annoy me and it doesn't annoy me. In the big scheme of things, there are many other issues more worthy of getting annoyed about, and who wants to spend their life being annoyed?

It can be hard to remember for each individual what they’ve done. At least they remembered your birthday and made an effort to send something.

Did you tell your aunts clearly when you married orshortly afterwards that you were keeping your own name? if so, they are being rude not to use your preferred surname. But they probably don't see it that way - they may feel it is more respectful to be tradtional.

To posters who think other women in their 70s would not have a clue about this - this is the age group that got out on the streets in the second wave of feminism, reclaiming the night, going on marches, and earlier still demanding abortion rights. They are not all little old ladies who know no different!

Get over yourself.

I have older relatives who do this, years of cards with names on I’ve never used!

They’re not old they’re in their 50s!

There’s a big age gap between them and your mum, are they maybe not really close to you or their sister (your mum). I can’t really see any other reason why they’re not being respectful to your wishes.

Really surprised at some of the replies!

It’s not a kind and thoughtful card if it’s not addressed to you!

I don’t know whether a man would be told to “get over himself” about being addressed by the wrong name.

they sound a bit thick tbh

Now I think that’s nasty. Unless you think they’re being purposely awkward, but why?

But surely then the assumption is no change? As a default?

Huh?

Because it’s important to you but not important to them. How many details of their life can you remember?

Someone in my husbands family insist on referring to me as Mrs hisfirstname Hisssurname. Also older generation. I am Ms myfirstname mysurname. They’ve been corrected multiple times so now I think they’re just trying to make a point. It’s annoying and I’ll be glad when this stupidity dies a death. People can call themselves whatever they like, but to ignore that choice is plain rude.

It was correct etiquette for letter:card addresses in their era and anything else would have been rude.

Maybe they are old now and just cannot remember that you follow a different way.

Set in their ways. Maybe older generation too?

ime it’s a passive aggressive demonstration that they disagree with your choice, and believe married women should take the man’s name. None of this feminist rubbish.

it’s definitely the case with my in laws. My family, including my 90 year old uncle, all get it right. Dh’s family, even though they openly expressed their disapproval at me keeping my name, still insist on cards to Mrs Dhname. They also know I don’t use Mrs.

i’d rather they didn’t bother sending cards tbh.

How very rude!

They're in their 50s.

I can remember their names 🤷‍♀️

tbh if you can’t get a family member’s name right you’re not that close are you.