To expect men to bring condoms

[Dockofthebaobun]

Since my divorce I’ve occasionally had hook-ups with men I’ve got chatting to online. The first time, the guy didn’t have condoms on him so we used mine. I thought it was odd for someone to meet for a shag and not bring condoms, and I wondered if he had genuinely forgotten or was just trying to chance it and see if I would without (er, not on your life mate, sorry).
Since then I have had three more hookups, the latest being last night. And now three out of four have ‘forgotten’ condoms.

What is it with these guys? They are all in their late 30s / 40s, all professional well-spoken men, with jobs and responsibilities and things. Why would they be so thoughtless and/or reckless with their sexual health?

Incidentally the best date by far was the one guy who did bring his own. I don’t think that’s necessarily a coincidence!

AIBU to expect them to bring their own? I always bring some, but God why should it be my responsibility?

If you're just meeting men for sex then you should bring your own, do they know it was just for sex

No condoms no sex. It shows a complete disregard for your wellbeing as well as their own.

Ultimately you’ll be the one who will have to deal with the consequences!

But, if you’re messaging them agreeing to meet up for sex, why can you just ask them to bring condoms, and if they “forget” end the date!

They might not have known they'd definitely be getting sex? If it was happening at your house then I'd say it's fine to kind of expect the host to potentially provide the condoms. But if you came round theirs then they should've had some. I think you're right that some blokes would happily go without but it's difficult to say where that intention starts and simply not thinking you would get lucky begins.

Not sure why you're suprised. If a man can get away with not wearing one, he definitely will.

Are they coming to your house? I always felt like if I was going to them, they should have them but if they came to me, I should. I wouldn’t use one that someone had brought, I’ve got no idea if it’s been in their wallet for a period of time and that’s not safe.

Maybe I’m naive but why would they do this? I’m presuming they don’t want STIs or a baby any more than a woman does?

If you’re regularly meeting complete strangers for sex, you don't seriously think they’ll consider you or your feelings/safety?

Well YANBU but I think both parties should bring condoms. Everyone should take personal responsibility.

These are hotel meets. Purely for sex.

I’m both shocked and unsurprised that this happens. I mean there’s a degree of trust involved, as in we’ll have been in contact for a while and sussed each other out a bit. In that regard I consider the meetings safer than a one night stand with some guy I’ve just met in a club (as occurred occasionally pre-marriage). But we have no idea whether we have STIs so I would consider condoms essential and I’m amazed that any chancer man wouldn’t.

The type of man who isn't bothered about using a condom is probably the type of man who would walk away from the responsibility of a baby. Very easy for men to do in society unfortunately.

For a premeditated hook up, I would say that condoms should be in the house where the sex happens. No need for anyone to be carrying them around. For a date that escalates, get them on the way home. Either way, I don't think it's the job of only the man.

Have you tried calling their bluff when they say they haven’t got one and saying well absolutely no sex then? I bet they magically find one when they realise you are being serious and are prepared to walk away.

I reckon they are chancing a bareback shag. Which would make me not want to have sex with them anyway as zero regard for STI or accidental pregnancy.

If yours having random sex with random men I'd have regular sti checks and plenty of condoms, there's no trust, you don't know anything about each other and you are putting yourself at risk but you know that.

Tbh I'd expect both parties to bring them, esp when meeting in a hotel.

Obviously both parties need to protect themselves from STDs and pregnancy but also there are so many different types / sizes/ feels available that having a choice which to use while having sex would be nice.

I think that both parties should bring condoms especially as it's clear it's a sex hook up, rather than a first date type scenario.
The men are taking the piss not bringing condoms in the hope that they will get a shag without having to wear one. Some women might not be bothered if they are on the pill (they should be bothered about STIs/accidental pregnancy despite pill but I suspect there are plenty of women who don't really care, I have a friend like that). Possibly some of these men have got away without having to wear a condom and the excuse of "forgetting" has previously worked so they'll try it on every time.
No condom. No shag.
I suspect if you say you haven't got any so sex is not going to happen they'll suddenly find one in their pocket or go down to the toilets in the hotel lobby and buy some.

I wouldn't have sex with anyone who could 'forget' condoms for a one night stand.

I don’t know why other posters are making excuses for the men 😂

They absolutely should have brought condoms too. I do wonder if PP is right that they did really have them but were chancing it. Bloody stupid on their part.

Probably married and worried their wife will find the box/receipt

Maybe an excellent marketing opportunity if you had a sales display like this...

Agreed tbh.

“Pre-marriage”, OP.

Are you married now?

Yes but there's also sexual diseases that can impact your entire life - it's bizarre men are happy to take that risk. Women are just as likely to carry STIs as men

Judgey, much?

First sentence of the op;

'Since my divorce...'.