To take my toddler to my growth scan? No childcare.

[alba146]

Hi everyone,

So I have a growth scan next week for baby. Normally my husband will stay with our toddler but he cannot get off work at all. Just one of those things- never happened before! We don't have much family. And the family/friends we do have are away on holiday. But as we all know, you can't take children to scans, I do understand but seems crazy in respect of single parents and people with no childcare etc.

I did try to rearrange, they said I need the scan in the 7 day period of the date and I have to have a consultant appointment on the same day also. the only other time would've been the same story so wouldn't have helped swapping.

So I thought, it's fine I'll just take her with me, she'll be okay I'll bring something to keep her entertained and her buggy. There genuinely isn't anything else I can do.

I asked the woman if this was okay, she just shut it down and said under no circumstances can she come. I explained and she wasn't budging, but then said she was unable to cancel the scan without approval from consultant as it's very necessary 😵‍💫 I do understand but she was so rude and I genuinely don't know what she wanted me to do (make Mary poppins appear spontaneously perhaps?).

So I am still at square one, scan still stands. I think my toddler would be fine (but again nothing I can do really if she is unsettled☹️).

So AIBU to just take her anyway and see how it goes? If they turn me away they turn me away. It really is ridiculous, I understand with older kids and the possibility of scans having upsetting findings etc. but for babies and toddlers I just don't know? Super stressed and it's made me even more nervous to have 2 under 3 ☹️ wish we had a bigger support network than we do ❤️‍🩹

You'll have to pay for childcare.

No way bring a todler.
You was asked not to!
They can cancel your appointment if you bring a todler.

It’s not appropriate and you might not get seen. Get childcare

Your husband should be taking the time off if there's no other option, unless he's literally on the international space station or in the Mariana Trench! He's as much a parent as you are.

If you really have no other choice, I'd take her with you. It's understandable that they discourage it, but there are plenty of single parents etc who don't have access to a babysitter and that isn't an acceptable reason to deny you healthcare.

YABVU

It’s time you get to know some local babysitters now, get a babysitter to watch her for an hour. She will survive and you can’t miss a growth scan or “risk it”

As much as other people can get on their high horse about it, I'd just take her.
Getting paid childcare isn't as simple as all that, leaving her with a stranger could be very distressing.
What else can you do?

I'd try and find paid childcare, but if there is really nothing I'd take toddler with me. The scan isn't for fun, it's clearly for the safety of the pregnancy so if they won't reschedule you have no choice.

Our antenatal clinic doesn't allow children into scan rooms, no exceptions. They generally give you enough notice before for your scan to make arrangements. You'll have to pay for childcare or ask a friend, surely it's only an hour or 2 max?

Your husband will just have to be off work, you've tried to move the scan and can't, failing to see how his work can be more important than his child

It isn’t just about you and your toddler. There may well be women there who have lost babies, for whom the idea of going for a scan is hard enough without a visual reminder of their grief.

You can be turned down doing that. A lot of trusts don't allow children to join with no exceptions. And OP was told not to bring in a todler so it would be fair.

What part of no do you not understand?

Why can your H not have time off?

You even asked and they said no. You would be ridiculous to bring her.

You can’t take a toddler. The people measuring your baby can’t do their job with a toddler around; you might hear the worst; other women being told they have lost their much wanted baby deserve to not have a toddler around. Surely you have some mum friends who could watch your toddler for an hour, either at their house or could come to the hospital with you? A retired neighbour? I get it, I’ve no family living anywhere nearby but I’ve also heard the worst at an ultrasound and that experience is not helped by those thinking it’s a nice jolly day out for all the family.

This basically. You even queried the policy and they made it very very clear. If you take your child now they could refuse to see you. How is that fair on your unborn child? Sort it out.

I hate when people say you’ll have to pay for childcare.. pay who? Even if they’re in childcare you often can’t just add a random day due to ratios. Babysitters aren’t exactly sat around, especially in the day, and frankly I don’t see any world where I would give my child to someone I barely know that doesn’t work in a registered setting and pay for the privilege?
Where I live we have a massive childcare shortage, many people I know are struggling to go back to work as there are just no spaces anywhere. It’s honestly almost impossible to find someone qualified and trustworthy!
Can your husband take just an hour or two off to allow for appointment, even take toddler to the cafe in the hospital to minimise time out of work? If not they’re going to have to let you rearrange if you can’t take your toddler, they can’t exactly say no to both!

Have you got a neighbour who could watch the little one in a nearby cafe?

Ok then her DH needs to take time off! I have zero family and sometimes you have to make arrangements, book a babysitter or whatever it takes. she doesn’t need a childcare space, literally a trusted neighbour or experienced student is fine. We are talking an hour here!

Taking a toddler to a hospital appointment is not the solution here!

That’s literally what I said at the end of my reply? At no point did I say to take the toddler?

Already he can’t take time off for a scan, what are you going to do when one or both of your kids is sick. When you have kids, work doesn’t always come first!

You are saying they should rearrange unless she can take toddler. How ridiculous- it’s the NHS problem she can’t sort out childcare? How about booking a private scan then?

Wow, thanks for the replies. I understand it's a shit situation but I feel bad enough about it all. Some of the comments seem a bit mean. I'm sure I'm not the first woman and I definitely won't be the last to have a problem like this surely?

DH is brilliant but is literally out of our control. He'll be working away that week. He's our main breadwinner and his work have categorically said he can't get out of the trip. What am I supposed to do? Let him lose his job?

I understand everyone's saying pay for childcare. And I would if I could find any😢 She attends nursery 2 days a week, already asked to put her in extra or swap days, they couldn't help. Always try to arrange apps on these days or when my husband's home. This is the first time we've run into this problem.

I literally wouldn't know where to find a babysitter? There only seems to be childminders or nurseries (both of which obviously wouldn't take her for an isolated event?). I didn't even think babysitters were a thing anymore! Do I just leave her with a passer by off the street?🤷🏽‍♀️

It's really difficult and I do understand, I don't want to take her!! But it literally is healthcare it's crazy, I would take her to anything else health related...

Have things changed a lot in the last 10 years? I took DS1 (then 3) to both my 12 and 20 week scans. He has learning difficulties and I had no one to leave him with. The 12 week was a booking on appointment too so it looks ages.