To take my toddler to my growth scan? No childcare.

[alba146]

Hi everyone,

So I have a growth scan next week for baby. Normally my husband will stay with our toddler but he cannot get off work at all. Just one of those things- never happened before! We don't have much family. And the family/friends we do have are away on holiday. But as we all know, you can't take children to scans, I do understand but seems crazy in respect of single parents and people with no childcare etc.

I did try to rearrange, they said I need the scan in the 7 day period of the date and I have to have a consultant appointment on the same day also. the only other time would've been the same story so wouldn't have helped swapping.

So I thought, it's fine I'll just take her with me, she'll be okay I'll bring something to keep her entertained and her buggy. There genuinely isn't anything else I can do.

I asked the woman if this was okay, she just shut it down and said under no circumstances can she come. I explained and she wasn't budging, but then said she was unable to cancel the scan without approval from consultant as it's very necessary 😵‍💫 I do understand but she was so rude and I genuinely don't know what she wanted me to do (make Mary poppins appear spontaneously perhaps?).

So I am still at square one, scan still stands. I think my toddler would be fine (but again nothing I can do really if she is unsettled☹️).

So AIBU to just take her anyway and see how it goes? If they turn me away they turn me away. It really is ridiculous, I understand with older kids and the possibility of scans having upsetting findings etc. but for babies and toddlers I just don't know? Super stressed and it's made me even more nervous to have 2 under 3 ☹️ wish we had a bigger support network than we do ❤️‍🩹

No you can’t because if they have a melt down or god forbid something is wrong it’s not appropriate for them to be there. There’s plenty of online nanny services so I think either pay someone or postpone the appointment.

You don’t get a random different person each time. It’s not like ordering an Uber. You look them up, speak to other parents they work for, interview them/meet them, see them interact with your child. Have some supervised sessions. Then decide if you’ll use them regularly. You need to know a few so you can get someone when you need them.

Same as hiring a nanny or choosing a nursery.

Not as simple as that if you read the thread as it wouldn't just be taking the time off it would mean not going on a week long work trip and being disciplined for it.

Gosh you’re getting a hard time here OP, I can completely understand where you’re coming from. Can you befriend some of the parents at your DC’s nursery? Or neighbours? I found building relationships with the other nursery parents to be an absolute life saver long term in terms of emergency ad hoc childcare, but do appreciate it takes time to build those relationships.

Also FWIW I have had internal (non pregnancy related) examinations and ultrasound scans with my toddler in tow. No issue at all.

You've already asked the hospital. They said no. Stop pestering them.

A toddler can be unpredictable and there's a lot of expensive equipment there! I had to arrange and pay for childcare when I had my own hospital appointments, not easy I know, but what we have to do. Xx

Your child was there when you gave birth??

Out of interest why can't we take children to scans?

A common occurrence around the world since giving birth is an entirely natural phenomenon.

You could even ask a babysitter from an agency to come and sit with the child in the waiting room or the cafe at the hospital. Reading books, drawing
I really don't think it's any risk to the todler.

I think it meaning if child in nursery, an extra morning, as is usually the case when working and having a toddler. Unless of course lucky enough to having them looked after by family, which not all can.

Sorry this post is getting a bit negative.

Reading all the replies- thank you so much to those who've taken the time to leave helpful responses! I think you're all right. Bottom line- it's not ideal, but nothing I can do. She'll be coming with me. If they rearrange that is absolutely fine, if they don't- great.

Hats off to all the single parents out there and those with an equally as small support system as us! It's really rough going and I'm sending lots of support your way. Hopefully it all works out 😊

Hi OP. This sounds like a really tough situation, and I’m not sure why you’re getting so much vitriol in the replies! I am pregnant with number three and had to go for an urgent scan last week. Took my youngest (1yo) - it didn’t even cross my mind not to.

Honestly have never heard of it happening in a hospital! Didn’t think it was allowed.

👏 you go OP. You've got a lot of grief and I'm not even sure why.

I disagree with everyone saying you can’t bring her, and I am a healthcare professional who would definitely prefer children weren’t at appointments HOWEVER given they have said you NEED this scan within 7 days and to see a consultant it is presumably very important that you do. I would phone them back and say you have literally no one to watch toddler and ask what they suggest. If you need to take toddler to the appointment that is what you do. If they refuse to see you, ask them for it in writing. You deserve adequate health care even if you can’t get childcare. Some people just do not understand that sometimes people do have NO ONE to call in these situations. Obviously it’s not ideal having children at health appointments for various reasons but there needs to be some flexibility to ensure people are kept safe. You and your unborn baby shouldn’t be put at risk because they would rather a toddler isn’t in the room.

I took my toddler to most of my scans no issue. I had private care and birth but the point is that as long as you know they can sit there quietly then to shouldn’t be a problem. Especially when you have no other choice.

I understand how tricky it is but one of the reasons they don’t allow children in is because there are obviously sadly times when scans show up health issues etc and it wouldn’t be appropriate for other children to be there. Might be worth looking into a childminder?

My toddler came to more than one scan as well. Nobody batted an eyelid. Doctor gave him an unplugged blood pressure monitor to press the buttons on to amuse him. Waiting room had toys in it like a standard GP because siblings were expected.

There's no consistency about it OP I'm afraid which doesn't help.

Hey, why don’t you call and tell them you can only do it on the two days your daughter is in nursery? If it’s within 7 days of a certain date surely that covers a day she is at nursery, therefore you have childcare. They said they can’t really cancel, and you can’t go with your toddler, so they’ll have to try and fit you in on those days?

Happy to see that you are taking her, I think that you should! However no I don’t think it is good if they cancel or rearrange. They have said you need this scan and to see a consultant within 7 days therefore that is what you need, toddler or no toddler. If they refuse to see you I would ask for it in writing and make it very clear that if there is a problem that goes missed because they are refusing to see you when you have turned up on time for your appointment and have explained your circumstances you will take further action.

Can you ask another parent at your daughter's nursery to watch her for an hour or have her for a playdate? (this does assume it's not smack in the middle of the working day).
You have my sympathies, we have almost no network and zero family nearby and I think people can struggle to understand that. I'd happily help another nursery mum out in these circumstances.

I get that but if they cancel her appointment because she CANT get childcare then it’s possible that sometime will go missed and she won’t get adequate care in a timely manner. Obviously not good to have bad news with a toddler there but surely that is preferable to not getting the news at all and having terrible consequences from that?

I think I may have been a bit harsh OP, I apologise. It must be a shit situation to be in. I hope it works out for you.