To take my toddler to my growth scan? No childcare.

[alba146]

Hi everyone,

So I have a growth scan next week for baby. Normally my husband will stay with our toddler but he cannot get off work at all. Just one of those things- never happened before! We don't have much family. And the family/friends we do have are away on holiday. But as we all know, you can't take children to scans, I do understand but seems crazy in respect of single parents and people with no childcare etc.

I did try to rearrange, they said I need the scan in the 7 day period of the date and I have to have a consultant appointment on the same day also. the only other time would've been the same story so wouldn't have helped swapping.

So I thought, it's fine I'll just take her with me, she'll be okay I'll bring something to keep her entertained and her buggy. There genuinely isn't anything else I can do.

I asked the woman if this was okay, she just shut it down and said under no circumstances can she come. I explained and she wasn't budging, but then said she was unable to cancel the scan without approval from consultant as it's very necessary 😵‍💫 I do understand but she was so rude and I genuinely don't know what she wanted me to do (make Mary poppins appear spontaneously perhaps?).

So I am still at square one, scan still stands. I think my toddler would be fine (but again nothing I can do really if she is unsettled☹️).

So AIBU to just take her anyway and see how it goes? If they turn me away they turn me away. It really is ridiculous, I understand with older kids and the possibility of scans having upsetting findings etc. but for babies and toddlers I just don't know? Super stressed and it's made me even more nervous to have 2 under 3 ☹️ wish we had a bigger support network than we do ❤️‍🩹

Op this is nonsense, I’m 36 weeks pregnant and throughout my wait for every appointment I’ve been in I’ve seen at least one pregnant mum in the waiting room with their LO and have took them in. Whether it’s a scan, consultant app, bloods or midwife app. They had something to entertain them, no body batted an eyelid in the waiting room and I doubt midwives, drs or scanners would have either.

Take your little one, worst case they send you home! You tried to cancel it! In my view they are being unreasonable.

Every single friend / neighbour / other childcare option you have is away on holiday all the same time? Really?

Oh god OP I’m sorry everyone is being so harsh, I’m a midwife so I know how short notice these appointments can be and how inflexible admin staff can be too. Our trust says ideally don’t bring kids and if the child is difficult at the appointment the sonographer might get you to rebook. But in my experience most young children just sit there bewildered with the whole thing and don’t cause any bother.

I think your 2 options are bring your child and hope for the best, or ring the hospital and say these are the days my child is in nursery, this is my only availability, if you can’t make this work then I can’t come, you’d be surprised what appointments they can find then.

I don’t agree at all with other posters essentially asking you to find emergency childcare with someone you hardly know, that just isn’t appropriate. Good luck.

It’s just the reality though 🤷‍♀️. Better to find out now. It’s a medical procedure after all

What l personally love is when people ask on here about not having childcare for the birth. Then ask if staff will look after child 1 🤣🤣🤣. No. NHS staff are on their knees and don’t have the capacity (or insurance, training etc)

I took my two year old to the scans. Nobody thought to tell me beforehand it wasn’t allowed or write it in any of the enormous amount of guff I was given to read. The sonogropher was abit funny for like two mins and then just got over it. He was like the toddler could break all the very expensive equipment I replied he is strapped in a pram that’s impossible then he tried he might see something on the screen and I replied face him the other way. Finally he said I might have to say something negative to which I replied well you can write it down or we can put him in the corridor with a nurse of your choosing. He did the scan no bother. They did write it all over my notes though. It just says please don’t bring your child to a scan like 1000 times. Good luck.

I had a similar situation and had to take my child. They wouldn’t allow him in the room but they kindly let him sit in the staff room with 2 hospital staff that were on a break. He watched his tablet and they chatted to him. The scan only took 10 mins so it was fine. He had a great time and the staff were very kind and seemed happy to chat away to him for 10 mins.

I feel for you OP sounds like a tough situation, ignore the negative replies.

My DH has to work a lot but luckily I have parents/in-laws nearby who are often on hand. I often wonder how on earth I’d manage in similar situations without them, I’d be screwed frankly and I feel for women without this.

It’s so hard to try and build a support ‘network’ away from family nowadays. You only have to read mumsnet threads about friends/school mums/acquaintances asking for a favour or some help and all the replies of ‘no is a full sentence’, ‘you don’t have to justify yourself, simply not wanting to is good enough’, ‘you need to assert and protect your boundaries’ It’s no wonder some women are just stuck.

I hope you can find a solution ❤️

It would help if the NHS didn't randomly change scheduled scans. I had my growth scans booked in straight after my 20 week scan, booked extra childcare to fit, then 2 days before the planned scan they rescheduled to a different location at school pick up time (same day,) making the acquisition of childcare even more complicated.

Funnily enough they let me bring my then 3 year old when I pointed out that I had booked childcare for the original time and the lack of notice of the new appointment.

OP I really feel for you. At the hospital I work at there is an absolute rule set by the radiography sept of no children in obstetric scans. We do not have the same rule in midwifery for appointments.

Very occasionally someone brings their toddler along. The sonographers get very grumpy, raise hell, and then one of the midwives offers to babysit for the 12-15 of the scan. We sit and do colouring with them or whatever. They sit with us in our office. It’s fine.

Midwives are, of course, not babysitters. But most of us are also mums and most of us have been in your situation too. If in doubt, throw yourself at the mercy of a midwife. I have never known a consultant refuse to see a woman because she has a toddler in tow. So if nothing else, go for your obstetric appt. It will be pointless without the growth scan info, but you will be highlighting a need.

very good luck x

And if no staff volunteer?

Well I would have just taken my child. Surprised everyone has been so vitriolic about the subject.

Nightmare! It’s hard trying to do everything right as a Mom.

I think some pp, simply don’t understand that some of us don’t have family support or some kind of magical village that helps us raise our children.

Agree with pp answer call the consultant secretary and ask the question. They might be more helpful.

If you are comfortable with it, look to local babysitters and pay them for an hour to come sit in the hospital with you in the waiting room. You would be away from your child for 10 minutes probably at most with a growth scan.

Good luck and hope all goes well.

Wont the nursery workers be at work during the day?

Am so glad I didn't have this when expecting dd2. Her dad couldn't possibly have taken time off work to come as he was deployed in the middle east.

I feel for the OP as it's not a great situation

I once took my toddler and a four year old when I was suddenly stuck. I was having scans every two weeks from 12 weeks so felt like I was perpetually cluttering up the clinic. I didn’t ask and no one said anything, although I’m very sure it was not allowed. Sometimes easier just to forge ahead and see how it all goes.

@alba146 i haven’t read the whole thread but at my trust I saw on several occasions women being turned away due to having another child with them- it was especially challenging as often it was due to English not being a language the women were fluent in so they were struggling to understand the rule or arrange appropriate alternatives.
i think you may need to contact the consultant and explain your situation- is it possible to delay your scan based on their opinion.

I was just giving an explanation that’s all… I agree it isn’t ideal but I know someone who was told devastating news and it was a very tricky situation to navigate as they also needed to be admitted for further tests etc.

Not necessarily - some people may do half-days, some people may not work at the nursery every day, some places do early/late shifts to cover early drop-off and late collection, etc. It's worth asking, and it's worked for us in the past.

Makes you wonder why they don't have a crèche at all hospitals.

Ikea can do it and the kids love it.

Why can't hospitals (for a small fee per child per hour)? Good business opportunity if it could be arranged in a way thats profitable.

Imagine the bug spreading in that crèche though

Hello darling !! I was in the exact same position as you with my last ! Even ended up birthing and going into hemorrhage and theatre alone !! For the scan we used childcare.com ! Lovely lady who worked at a nursery only charged I think £20 🤗

Great use of Mariana Trench in a comment!

Most properly it wouldn't be profitable for a small fee/hour.
And how is it different from hiring an agency babysitter to sit in the waiting room or the hospital café with a child?

I have had to cancel a growth scan twice recently due to lack of childcare. Our hospital had nothing else available when I cancelled and said they'd just have to put me on a waiting list for another one and it would be sent out when they had one. It was the third time lucky - finally that slot I could do. It was fine. I would never take either of my children (6 and 3) to a scan. Too much potential for a very difficult situation if something unexpected had been found.

I was discussing with friends last night how absurd it is that having no childcare can be a barrier to accessing antenatal care.
I'd take the toddler, bring screens and snack and hope for the best!

Sitters agency provides vetted babysitters who have first aid qualifications and most work in childcare or are retired teachers/nurses. Otherwise I'd ask a retired neighbour or another mum if they could look after the toddler for a couple of hours.