To take my toddler to my growth scan? No childcare.

[alba146]

Hi everyone,

So I have a growth scan next week for baby. Normally my husband will stay with our toddler but he cannot get off work at all. Just one of those things- never happened before! We don't have much family. And the family/friends we do have are away on holiday. But as we all know, you can't take children to scans, I do understand but seems crazy in respect of single parents and people with no childcare etc.

I did try to rearrange, they said I need the scan in the 7 day period of the date and I have to have a consultant appointment on the same day also. the only other time would've been the same story so wouldn't have helped swapping.

So I thought, it's fine I'll just take her with me, she'll be okay I'll bring something to keep her entertained and her buggy. There genuinely isn't anything else I can do.

I asked the woman if this was okay, she just shut it down and said under no circumstances can she come. I explained and she wasn't budging, but then said she was unable to cancel the scan without approval from consultant as it's very necessary 😵‍💫 I do understand but she was so rude and I genuinely don't know what she wanted me to do (make Mary poppins appear spontaneously perhaps?).

So I am still at square one, scan still stands. I think my toddler would be fine (but again nothing I can do really if she is unsettled☹️).

So AIBU to just take her anyway and see how it goes? If they turn me away they turn me away. It really is ridiculous, I understand with older kids and the possibility of scans having upsetting findings etc. but for babies and toddlers I just don't know? Super stressed and it's made me even more nervous to have 2 under 3 ☹️ wish we had a bigger support network than we do ❤️‍🩹

I’d agree that surely there must be a demand I’d pay £££s too. I’m rural and have on occasion had to trek 90minutes to hospital for an appointment. It’d be much easier to bring kids, go for a run at park/ snack. Then pop them into ikea style crèche go to appointment and come back an hour later. Otherwise you need to find 4 hours childcare.

Well I imagine a lot of them are all at work. I wouldn’t just be able to find someone.

There's a website called Childcare Choices I think, you put your postcode in and what kind you need, so babysitter in this instance and it gives you a list of all registered ones in your area. All DBS checked and you can look at their profiles and stuff. Don't know if you're comfortable with that but it's an option to consider at least

Sorry @alba146 it's childcare.co.uk

If you don’t want to book a baby sitter have you seriously no friends that could come with you and sit in the waiting room with the older child .

Well if they are vetted/DBS checked, what is the difference between them and a childminder?

The hospital have told you firmly and clearly it's a no and you're going to ring them and ask again?!

OP don't worry I understand how you feel. I wouldn't find a random babysitter I'd never met for my almost 2 year old and even if I did she would screech the place down as she does not like strangers and wouldn't be left with one. I'm sorry to hear they can't re arrange but hopefully there's been a cancellation etc and they can do if you call tomorrow. I recently went for a growth scan (Monday jusy gone) and I saw a 4 ish year old go in with mum and also a toddler so maybe all hospitals are different. Good luck :) some of these replies are so rude lol

I can honestly say I have never, and none if my family or friends have ever used a babysitter from an app. My dsis used a neighbours daughter as a babysitter 30yrs ago but I've not heard of anyone doing this now. Safeguarding is too high profile for frie ds /teenagers nowaday and there is NO way on earth I'd leave my child with literally a stranger regardless of checks and certificates they may have.

Maybe in certain parts of the country this is more commonplace but not where we live.

I feel your pain! I have been in similar situations and it is so hard. I am a doctor too. I would phone the consultant’s secretary and explain the situation. You are in an impossible situation here and I think the priority is for the consultant to consider how safe it is for you to move the appointment and take things from there. Hopefully they can suggest a solution.

I had an appointment where I had similar. I had no other option but to take baby with me. I rang in advance and explained the situation and they told me ok. I got there for the appointment and they turned me away, despite having driven 45 mins to get there. So they do sometimes just say no. It wasn't a scan so hopefully they will be more accommodating to you, especially as those kind of scans should be fairly quick. I think you should be fine. If they say it is necessary they need to get ot done.

Another time perhaps worth trying nursery staff, they can sometimes help though of course they may well be working at nursery already during the day. Some of ours work part time though so some flexibility.

What… why can’t you bring a toddler? I had mine at my last scan (which is when I sadly found out I’d had a miscarriage).

But also try the Bubble app for on demand DBS checked babysitters. I haven’t used it yet myself but friends have and it’s been great.

Tbh I think it's pretty safe to leave the child with an agency vetted babysitter in the waiting room or the hospital café.

I asked at our local hospital ultra sound department why children are not allowed, they are not even allowed in the department, not just the scanning rooms. One of the sonographer's told me it's because they have to give a lot of people sad news that their babies have died and the last thing they want is for grieving people to come out of the room and see a small child after being given this terrible news. That is the reason in the area I live. To be fair I do agree with the rule for this reason

Just a thought re the above- in extremis if consultant secretary says no could you use the Bubble app to arrange a babysitter that could wait at the hospital with your toddler? So only with them for half an hour or so in a public place? Feels a bit mad but maybe a way to guarantee your appointment goes ahead.

This sounds very sensible. There are also the babysitting apps like Sitters who I’ve used a couple of times with no dramas. In our area at least, there are lots of professionals that already work in childcare but do babysitting on the side as well. Most of them advertise their availability for emergency childcare and whenever I’ve used them, they do an introductory phone call but apart from that they turn up and you leave them to it.

Imagine you are at a scan and get bad news, very bad news, and the first thing you see is another pregnant lady with her toddler. Do not bring them. My doctor had this rule for this reason.

I took DS to most my scans even when partner went with us he came in with us. Just sat him in his buggy with a book he was fine. I had a low lieing placenta I had to be scanned every week from I think it was 30 weeks. That was back in 2001 though so I'm guessing things are different now.

Thanks for all the replies! Really helped me out. And really reassured me I'm not the only one in this situation, so thank you ❤️

I do think it's crazy how much hospitals differ, some don't seem bothered at all some turn you away! I do definitely understand the reasons, I don't want to be ignorant, I've experienced pregnancy loss myself. But it is one of those things and I think whatever choice is made, there's a chance someone will be upset. But all I can do is do my best in the situation.

For those asking if I REALLY don't have anyone who can watch my child. I really don't unfortunately. And I get that that sounds really sad. But it's just my reality and I'm used to it. I have 3 friends, my in laws, and my aunt and uncle. That really is it ❤️‍🩹 everyone deserves a village and I'm glad that the people in these comments don't have to deal with only having a handful of family and friends because it's super hard. Sending love to everyone in a similar situ xx

My friend had a similar situation and used Sitters.

I’d speak to nursery staff and see if they or anyone they know babysits.
Try facebook local for babysitter recommendations. My teen used to babysit for a local couple. She was approached via a friend of a friend.

Most say no incase of loss of a baby or find our something majorally medically wrong

I have known people to be turned away

I get you don't want a stranger looking after your child but all on apps and agencies will be checked refs - dbs / first aid etx

They could come with you and look after your child in the waiting room in full sight of people

I'm on apps like that - I've done short term emergency work

Or ask about on local Fb town group
For nannys /babysitters people reconmend

It's good to have back up of friends /paid childcare

Hope all goes well with scan

Or they are mumsnetters 😅

Imagine ‘school mum I don’t even talk to that much has just dropped on me if I can watch her toddler whilst she attends hospital appt. It’s all a bit last-minute and I don’t really want to. AIBU to not agree?’

All the replies would be ‘What a CF’ ‘No is a full sentence!’ ‘I’d be seriously unimpressed at their lack of organisation. I would never be so ill prepared’ ‘If you don’t want to then that is good reason enough. Assert your FIRM CLEAR BOUNDARIES’ ‘would she have the same time and availability to help you? If not then I wouldn’t help her’ and so on and so on.. 🙃

Mine was, home birth. Surprisingly, no child care for dc1, not much choice. It was actually brilliant. I got a post shower birth and then ate domino's pizza in bed while breastfeeding dc2 and cuddling dc1. Fecking perfect.

I really hope it all works out for you and I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time in this thread.

It really does take a village and unfortunately not all of us have one. I’ve been in a very similar position to you before but fortunately my DH work allowed him to reschedule his trip to the week after! My son was 18 months at the time and there’s no way I’d have left him with a babysitter I hadn’t had the time to get to know so I’m with you on that. And we’re in a similar position - all our family and friends are usually in a position where they would not be able to help us. I find it bizarre that some people find it hard to believe this.