To take my toddler to my growth scan? No childcare.

[alba146]

Hi everyone,

So I have a growth scan next week for baby. Normally my husband will stay with our toddler but he cannot get off work at all. Just one of those things- never happened before! We don't have much family. And the family/friends we do have are away on holiday. But as we all know, you can't take children to scans, I do understand but seems crazy in respect of single parents and people with no childcare etc.

I did try to rearrange, they said I need the scan in the 7 day period of the date and I have to have a consultant appointment on the same day also. the only other time would've been the same story so wouldn't have helped swapping.

So I thought, it's fine I'll just take her with me, she'll be okay I'll bring something to keep her entertained and her buggy. There genuinely isn't anything else I can do.

I asked the woman if this was okay, she just shut it down and said under no circumstances can she come. I explained and she wasn't budging, but then said she was unable to cancel the scan without approval from consultant as it's very necessary 😵‍💫 I do understand but she was so rude and I genuinely don't know what she wanted me to do (make Mary poppins appear spontaneously perhaps?).

So I am still at square one, scan still stands. I think my toddler would be fine (but again nothing I can do really if she is unsettled☹️).

So AIBU to just take her anyway and see how it goes? If they turn me away they turn me away. It really is ridiculous, I understand with older kids and the possibility of scans having upsetting findings etc. but for babies and toddlers I just don't know? Super stressed and it's made me even more nervous to have 2 under 3 ☹️ wish we had a bigger support network than we do ❤️‍🩹

@HaveYouSeenRain it's just stupid to say OP shouldn't be able to have a very necessary NHS scan because she can't get childcare on this one occasion. It is a medical requirement for her and her unborn baby. The private scan won't have her consultant there will it. Of course if she can't get childcare they will have to rearrange at some point.

So you think hospital rules should be broken instead? I'm a childminder, I know all about childcare.

I'd ring back then and say they'll have to speak to the consultant to cancel and rebook you as you can't get childcare.

Babysitters are not a thing anymore? What do you even mean?
there are whole apps full of babysitters!

what do people do when they need a few hours childcare or go for dinner that don’t have family around? Ah yes I leave my kids on the street

Well yes?
She’s said DH can’t get the time off, and this is the first time it’s happened and this is second baby, so presumably this is a total one off.
She doesn’t have anyone else she can ask as she doesn’t have a big support network and childcare is really hard to find, especially since Covid when a lot stopped doing childminding/babysitting.
The options at this point are take the child - which we know isn’t possible, or rearrange so another woman can have the appointment and she can have one that she can actually attend?
I really don’t see how this is making it ‘the NHS issue that she can’t sort out childcare’.

Do you have a neighbour?

Would you really leave your child with a stranger you found on a "babysitting app"? I bloody wouldn't. OP if your DH is away and the hospital insists on being this ridiculous you'll just have to reschedule the scan. Which is insane, and you have my sympathy

Websites like childcare.com can help with finding babysitters OP, there's probably more out there than you think. I had this problem 7 years ago in a very complex pregnancy, I managed to get a sympathetic person who said I could bring my DS and it didn't cause any issues at all, plus there was a risk to my babies life if I didn't attend those scans (she was 3 months premature in the end). But if your hospital won't allow it you'll have to phone them back and say rescheduling is your only option and make them ask the consultant, it could be that the consultant can slot you in at the end of a clinic or something or fit you in in a cancellation that works better.

Read the OP!! She can’t rearrange!

and yes believe it or not childcare can be found in emergencies especially as she needs ONE hour. 🤦🏻‍♀️

” I did try to rearrange, they said I need the scan in the 7 day period of the date and I have to have a consultant appointment on the same day also. the only other time would've been the same story so wouldn't have helped swapping.“

I’m so confused, when did I suggest breaking hospital rules?
I said either DH tried to get a bit of time off, even if that means taking child to the cafe in the hospital during the appointment and OP can meet them after and he can head straight back to work, or they have to rearrange as she can’t get childcare and toddler can’t come!

Jeez wish I hadn't asked. I don't mind if I'm being unreasonable that's what I was asking but some of these replies are mad. I'll just request the thread to be removed. I literally didn't come here for other women to tell me that my husband is shit (he's not, he does everything he can for us- including days of work rearranged) the one time he can't he's scum of the earth.

Not helpful at all. I'll ring the consultant secretary myself tomorrow and explain. If I can bring her- fab. If I can't. It'll have to wait (cue the comments in the worst mum in the world). Literally nothing I can do. Maybe I should knock on doors and ask for childcare 😵‍💫

Thanks for the constructive replies, I appreciate them 😊

If your DC is at nursery, have you asked if anyone from the nursery does private babysitting? When we've needed a babysitter, that's the route we've taken - it means you know the person is safe and competent, and your DC may already know them too.

You could join https://www.sitters.co.uk for a one off session and may come in handy if needed for later appointments. I’ve used them in the past and the sitters I’ve had have been good. No real continuity if you need lots of sessions but as a one off in a pinch it’s very useful and not hugely expensive (or wasn’t when I used them).

I have often thought it seems really unfair but after sitting in a waiting room potentially waiting to hear bad news whilst having someone else’s child running around was really hard. I think the rule is there for the pregnant woman and all the other pregnant women in the waiting room as well.

*edited for typos

Your husband will just have to take time off simple as that

ask the nursery where your child goes if they can recommend someone, they might have staff that they use from agencies/cover work that could help you

Jesus, some of us don't have a fall back babysitter or kind retired neighbour ready to come round and bake cookies with our toddler. Some of us don't have family that are close enough or willing or capable of looking after dc for even a short period. Sometimes you're on your own and you find a way and a bit of wiggle room. Sometimes you have no option. Sometimes you have to show up against the rules with a tod in tow as you have no options.

@alba146 I hope everything is alright with your babe, I've been in the same position with a working away dh and no outside care due to dc1s disabilities. I've just taken dc with me and they have a choice to give me care or turn me away. Entitled or not I make my position clear when taking an appointment.

OMG get real, some of us have no family and real emergencies and some apps or agencies have vetted and approved childcare professionals. you can also ask neighbours, friends, other mum friend for recommendations.

You think every person that offers childcare is a pedophile? Such hysteria over booking a couple of hours babysitting. She can leave the baby in the hospital cafe with a babysitter and will probably be gone for 30mins.

She's already said that that isn't an option as he's away with work for the whole week. So it's not 'simple as that'.

@HaveYouSeenRain yeah I'll just leave my toddler with a rando 🤷🏽‍♀️ maybe I'll ask on gumtree? Or Reddit? Mad. Hope you never find yourself in the situation. You sound lucky and privileged to have the support network you obviously do.

Babysitters are very much a thing.

Can I ask what you plan for delivery of second baby? You will need someone to look after your todler if you want your husband to join you.

Maybe now is a good time to make your todler (abd you) familar with a babysitter who can help out then needed.

Do you not have a single friend at all
who can watch your kid? No friends at all?

She explained pretty clearly in the OP they are away on holiday.

@HaveYouSeenRain nobody mentioned paedophiles, that's your own (rather unpleasant) imagination at work.

I wouldn't leave my baby with a complete stranger I'd found on an app. I don't think that's a particularly high bar personally, but you do you.

AIBU is not the place to ask certain questions lol.
I always took my baby to these appts and lots of other women always had other babies/children with them too. It was never a problem. I don't know about the policies of your specific hospital but I would speak to the consultant and explain your situation.