To take my toddler to my growth scan? No childcare.

[alba146]

Hi everyone,

So I have a growth scan next week for baby. Normally my husband will stay with our toddler but he cannot get off work at all. Just one of those things- never happened before! We don't have much family. And the family/friends we do have are away on holiday. But as we all know, you can't take children to scans, I do understand but seems crazy in respect of single parents and people with no childcare etc.

I did try to rearrange, they said I need the scan in the 7 day period of the date and I have to have a consultant appointment on the same day also. the only other time would've been the same story so wouldn't have helped swapping.

So I thought, it's fine I'll just take her with me, she'll be okay I'll bring something to keep her entertained and her buggy. There genuinely isn't anything else I can do.

I asked the woman if this was okay, she just shut it down and said under no circumstances can she come. I explained and she wasn't budging, but then said she was unable to cancel the scan without approval from consultant as it's very necessary 😵‍💫 I do understand but she was so rude and I genuinely don't know what she wanted me to do (make Mary poppins appear spontaneously perhaps?).

So I am still at square one, scan still stands. I think my toddler would be fine (but again nothing I can do really if she is unsettled☹️).

So AIBU to just take her anyway and see how it goes? If they turn me away they turn me away. It really is ridiculous, I understand with older kids and the possibility of scans having upsetting findings etc. but for babies and toddlers I just don't know? Super stressed and it's made me even more nervous to have 2 under 3 ☹️ wish we had a bigger support network than we do ❤️‍🩹

But she's tried both of those options! Next step, pay!

Just before it comes up. My in laws are my support network and are the ones having my child whilst I give birth. They're away on holiday for the first time this year for this scan.

Same - I had to bring a 2 yo to a scan and a mw appointment and it was totally fine.

That said, since you asked and they said absolutely not, your dh probably has to take time off

Can you find a babysitter. We moved to a new area a couple of years ago and didn't know anyone. I was in a similar position to you, pregnant and need to go to appointments and then needed help with the toddler when baby was born.
Our town has a couple of fantastic Facebook groups, one specifically for parents and babysitters/nannies. I've found two university students who are excellent. Have them round for a playdate with you and your toddler first so they're comfortable together before leaving them on their own.

Post on a local Facebook page for babysitter recommendations, then arrange a meeting/interview with the people who are recommended, ask for their disclosure certificate etc. There will be local mums who can recommend a trusted and safe babysitter.

They won’t allow her in.

Or bring the babysitter and child tl the café at the hospital. They can have a snack, read a book and draw a picture. It should be fairly safe if OP isn't happy to leave them at home.

www.childcare.co.uk is fantastic for this. DD provides childcare for situations like this whenever she's free (she's a nanny). She either meets the families a few days in advance if there's time, or a couple of hours earlier than she's actually needed so the children are comfortable with her before their parents leave.

Just for a little reassurance about online babysitting agencies, my daughter used to get babysitting assignments through a platform like this. She was required to have an early year’s qualification in addition to safeguarding and first aid qualifications. She was also DBS checked. They do not allow just anyone to care for children.
I admit to being concerned that she was going into strangers houses (she’s an adult but still my baby!) but the agency also security checked their clients.
In an emergency I think this could be a good option occasionally.

Me too! I had to take two(!) toddlers to my 12 week scan because it was booked for 3pm on Xmas Eve and although normally I have lots of childcare options that particular time and date was impossible. And no, I wasn’t leaving my 3 and 1 year old with someone I met from an app.

Nine years ago it wasn’t a major drama, not recommended but the hospital staff were understanding.

I'm willing to find childcare going forward incase we find ourselves in another situation like this of course! (someone who's proper not just a randomer!) but this is so short notice I can't leave her with someone off the internet. I've asked around my small friendship group. No luck. Whatever will be will be. Hopefully it works out

The poster you tagged was really rude. But actually, you could do some research here. Some of the proper sites for babysitters etc are really good and have proper vetting required, they have reviews from other parents and can provide proof of DBS, first aid training etc. then you obviously meet them in person and vet them yourself. There's no 'rando off the internet', the internet is just how many useful services are found! It's worth taking a look into it to understand the process and if it could work for you before writing it off as shit parenting.

Every single babysitter/childminder/nanny is a stranger until you get recommendations, meet them, check their disclosure status and see them interact with your child. It is perfectly normal and it’s pretty disgusting to accuse mums who use bad sitters of not caring who they leave their children with. I’m a single parent, a proper single parent as their dad did sweet fuck all until he turned up after disappearing for 5 years. I used babysitters. And I’m pretty pissed off at your accusations than people like me don’t care who our children are with.

Yes. We leave our children with strangers playing on M3 and don't care at all...
Or wait? We find a way to work it out.

You'll just have to rebook the appointment for a time when someone can mind your child. Nothing you can do ! I'd look into does it really have to be done within a 7 day period though.

I think you're really between a rock and a hard place here op and I do think some of the responses you've got on here are unnecessarily harsh.

I also wouldn't be comfortable leaving my child with a stranger - unsettling for the child at best, unsafe at worst.

I think asking your nursery if anyone does private babysitting is your best option in this scenario. Otherwise I'd be asking to rearrange the scan.

I do understand why children aren't allowed but I do think there will be some parents out there who need a degree of flexibility on this to be able to manage. For example it can be really difficult to find babysitting that's suitable for a child with additional needs - in that scenario does a single parent just not access healthcare?

We know women take on the lions share of caring responsibilities, we also know that maternity care is crucial for mum and baby's safety so to me women shouldn't be in a position where they are forced to choose between the safety of their unborn child/themselves and the safety of their older child. There should be a degree of discretion provided people are not taking the piss with it.

Wow, bit harsh over on some of these comments...
I bought my toddler to all of my scans. Hubby never had time off work. She also was there when I gave birth.
Ask for forgiveness not for permission in those sorts of circumstances. Nobody battered an eye when i did it without asking, but if I asked before hand I got shut down immediately also.
Do what you gotta do

We used sitters.co.uk for a few years for occasional evenings out and were very happy with all the sitters we had (all of whom were either teachers or nursery workers) - have a look at https://www.sitters.co.uk/why-sitters.aspx to hopefully give you confidence that they are OK. Or any chance that there's a member of staff at your nursery not working that day who would happily earn a bit of extra money?

Does Sitters still exist? I used to work for them and you book for childcare. All sitters are checked and work in the sector.

@Ivehearditbothways I understand, and I have actually said I'm more than willing to find childcare but sorry I can't possibly leave my 2 year old with a randomer from the internet I found days before an appointment 🤷🏽‍♀️ I would leave her with someone going forward, once properly met and trusted etc.. I think that's normal sorry if that offended you but this is something I wouldn't do ever

It has blown my mind that people get random childcare from apps.

If you don't have childcare you take your child. During my last pregnancy scans were only offered at evenings and weekends, useless if you have no family or childcare. We managed to get a relative to come (from 3 hours away) but I don't think they'll turn you away. You're entitled to health care.

I'm suprised they are so strict about this tbh. I had a mole removed and my 2 year old had to come with me so he just sat in the room while I was having it removed. The nurses were lovely to him.

This, 100%. Just go, and take her. If the scan is so essential, I think they'd be negligent to turn you away if you explain the circumstances.