My son is almost 27 & never had a relationship, I worry he's going to end up lonely

[Onthecarpet2002]

Just this. I know some of you are going to say it's nothing to do with me but I think it's natural to worry about your ds. He's good looking & very fit, a nice lad but probably a bit shy. He's in the RAF & comes home most weekends as most of them do. He goes out occasionally at home but his friends are starting to settle down a bit & to the gym.
The only holiday he's had with mates this year is a RAF work trip to Cyprus where he had a few days free before he had to come back again.
There's so many ladies on munsnet asking where the good men are - there's one right here at the weekends! I know from a friends daughter that he's been on Tinder, obviously had no luck there. He seems happy enough with his life, says he is, but I don't know if deep down he might want a partner.
I do worry that as he gets older he's going to end up being a lonely man.

Women aren't responsible for relieving male loneliness.

When he's ready he will be ready. Leave him to it, he will find someone.

@offyoujollywelltrot I never said they were?

Maybe he's just not into women (or anyone) but doesn't know how to express it (especially in the military)?

Or the girls he's interested in aren't interested in a military partner

Or he's not as great as you think he is

I think there are a lot more young men and possibly women as well who haven't had relationships well into their 20's. Maybe he has high standards and knows the type of girl he'd click with. If he's happy I wouldn't worry. Hope he finds love eventually if that's what he wants.

Wtf?

He’s hardly over the hill, and if he’s happy with how things are that’s fine. I wouldn’t worry and let him get on with things.

Are you worried that he doesn't go out much, that he doesn't have many friends or that he doesn't have a girlfriend? Some people are just happier with their own company. If he's not bothered or lonely I wouldn't get involved.

@Delphiniumandlupins all of those really. The friends he does have at home are starting to settle down. He does enjoy going out for runs & cycling by himself as he's taken part in triathlons. What he does in the evenings at the Raf I don't know. I think he's got a few good mates there so probably hangs out with them

I don't know what the answer is, but it is an issue. Both my gorgeous mid twenties DDs are the same (one has had a short relationship). Most people meet on dating apps now and they just can't get along with that, they find it too transactional and grim. They are at least quite social and have a variety of friends. But things have changed so much since I was their age. I feel for them. I want them to be happy and having a loving relationship is part of that.

Could he be not into ladies but doesn't feel comfortable coming out with being in the military?

@BibbityBobbityToo I don't know. I know he pulled in Ibiza & he fancied my friends daughter.

@BibbityBobbityToo it's a different world now. I don't know where they go out to meet other people unless maybe it's a hobby. Unless you're in a vibrant city places are deserted at night. In our day a lot of relationships were formed from meeting each other when you were out with your mates. Now it's all online & seems a bit grim with much less actual human interaction. Plus the awkwardness of still living with parents as the cost of living is too high.

No
It's not
You can be happy and single
Or rather ... you can be happy and have loving relationships with friends that are non romantic

It's also not all online. Relationships still form via work, meeting friends of friends etc.

Sounds like he has friends and goes out. If he himself isn't worried about it, I think it's fine. Not everyone wants to settle down at 27, that's still pretty young.

I can understand your worry OP but he’d probably be embarrassed if you were to bring it up. I’ve seen the other side, with female friends who are (honestly) very good company, hard working and attractive. Late 20s, early 30s. Most have had relationships but struggling to meet the right person. Online is like wading through treacle but seems like one of the only viable options. If I split up with DP I don’t think I’d bother looking for someone else.

Being happy in being single really is important. For his own sake but also because any whiff of desperation will put women off.

OP , I'll be brutally honest. He isn't ready to settle , as it requires effort and compromise. He is most likely on Hinge / Tinder , chatting to multiple women/ both younger and much older than him, and is watching porn in his free time. 100%

It doesn’t sound like he’s looking for a relationship, and is enjoying playing the field.

Probably loads of reasons that could be the case.

• He's not as nice as you think he is, and women see it a mile off.

• He's not into women.

• He's maybe nice but not good company/immature.

• He doesn't want a relationship.

Probably a load more reasons, but also possibly just poor luck. None of your business really, I'm sure when he's ready he'll do what he wants.

I think he’s still young and has plenty of time to settle down. He sounds like a good catch.

I have very nice older siblings (sister and brother), both professionals and attractive people, intelligent and they are perpetually single, never had a relationship and never had kids. They are late 40s.

I think it’s becoming quite common now to be single and not have kids. I can see the appeal of being alone and having a well-paid job, to enjoy hobbies, going out to eat, travel, movies and tv shows without having to worry about anyone else. Work is draining enough but with a DH and kid, I’m exhausted. And I only have 1! How do people do it with more kids?!

I remember chatting in the pub with one of my old college friends. He had just turned 40, and was despairing over ever meeting anybody.

He got married a couple of years later, to a lovely woman. They are a great and well balanced couple and now have a gorgeous family.

There is the right person (or maybe potentially right people) out there if you want someone. It might take longer to find them, but they are worth it.

As mentioned upthread, your son may not currently be interested in a relationship. He is still young. Some people are happy with their own company. My brother has never settled down.

(Alternatively, maybe he has had relationships, but not ones that he’s thought quite right to bring home to meet mum).

Sounds like he's busy both at work and play. Probably sublimates his sex drive through his sport. Plus he's probably choosy. It'll happen (or it won't) in due course.

His mum knows he's on tinder, but I luck. He could be shagging 10 people a week his mum doesn't need to know. He's 27 but obviously getting grief off his mum who thinks he must be a loser because he can't even get a tinder date 😂

The few young men I know are single,approaching 30 - I don’t know why it’s so hard to meet someone. Staying in education longer must postpone settling down with someone and I expect using phones might reduce socialising in meet up places.

I'm really shocked at how nasty the first few posts were. In fact nearly all the responses. Of course this is an issue.

I met my partner at 34 years old, and my brother met his (now fiancé) at 32. Before then we were both eternally single and my mum was despairing! He’s still young OP, he’s got plenty of time :)