My son is almost 27 & never had a relationship, I worry he's going to end up lonely

[Onthecarpet2002]

Just this. I know some of you are going to say it's nothing to do with me but I think it's natural to worry about your ds. He's good looking & very fit, a nice lad but probably a bit shy. He's in the RAF & comes home most weekends as most of them do. He goes out occasionally at home but his friends are starting to settle down a bit & to the gym.
The only holiday he's had with mates this year is a RAF work trip to Cyprus where he had a few days free before he had to come back again.
There's so many ladies on munsnet asking where the good men are - there's one right here at the weekends! I know from a friends daughter that he's been on Tinder, obviously had no luck there. He seems happy enough with his life, says he is, but I don't know if deep down he might want a partner.
I do worry that as he gets older he's going to end up being a lonely man.

Oh and by the way, I know two people who met on Tinder or similar and they are now very happily married

I’m sure he will find someone when the time is right. Encourage him to take up some hobbies, widen his social circle, as internet dating is depressing. My eldest is 30, he has only ever had a couple of short term partners, and lives with his grandma (as he moved back north). He is happy though, he’s been to 3 countries in the last 3wks! He loves these extreme day trips, sometimes I go, or a friend, or his grandma, sometimes alone. I hope he finds someone one day, but i’ve spent most of my adult life single, and I cannot be bothered with the hassle. I have a good social life, i’m happy as I am. He needs to get out if he can and try and meet someone organically!

Did he go to an all boys school? Does he have women friends now? Just wondering how he relates to women, I have 2 sons so not a misandrist. I also think kids nowadays are not as good at meeting new people in real life because of phones. Rooting for you and him!

I have friends and family members who are in their 30s, 40s, 50s and who haven't had a relationship at least for as long as I've known them. However, that doesn't mean they're lonely. One or two do express that they sometimes miss having a partner, but they also make the most ot their lives in their own ways. I think the ones in their 30s find it most difficult as everyone around them is settling down. On the other hand, those in their 40s and 50s are rekindling old friendships with friends who settled down but are now divorced. And in some case starting relationships with divorcees. I also have some lovely friends who were single through their 20s, met someone's in their 30s, got married and had kids.

There are so many ways to live one's life. He might meet someone to spend the rest of his life with. Or he might not, but will find other ways to make his life interesting and enjoyable.

So much has changed for our young people.

OLD means you need to have that ability to come across as witty, caring, engaging, intelligent and interesting all in a few messages.

Online life and social media makes it seem people have company and friends... But it's all online. Hence places people used to meet have shut by the bucketload.

Society is now so much more throw away. Why invest in 1 person, when many are out there?

And blame websites like this. So many people identifying so many red flags, we forget no one is perfect. But we expect them to be.

I'm not surprised he's lovely and single. There are so many factors going against the younger generation having meaningful, healthy relationships.

If he's happy about his situation, then don't get involved. If he's not, then encourage him to spend more time out at weekends in places he's likely to meet people he might be interested in.

I used to think OLD was the name of a dating site. Thought it was so weird

@Onthecarpet2002 Which part of the country does your son live in? I’ve heard that some areas can be more competitive for the average guy (not that I’m saying your son is average!). For instance, London and the South East can be tough for men in their 20s due to the high number of high-status men, whereas women in Northern England tend to be more down to earth.

Who ever said that ?

I know why she said it, but it was totally off the mark in this case

I met my now dh when I was 23 and he was 25. First proper relationship for us both.

Is everything ok?
Problems with one of the cats??

I think it’s ok OP, maybe he’s decided that a great career can be more rewarding and valuable than a relationship.

I met my DP when I was 27, we got together when I was 28.

I had dates, some situationships etc up to then but nothing serious. And nothing my parents would have been aware of.

When I was about 27 I felt ready for a relationship and managed to acknowledge to myself that I actually wanted to be with somebody.
I truly got to know my DP a few months later (we had been distant acquaintances beforehand) and quite soon after I was in a relationship with a wonderful man. We‘re engaged and planning our wedding.

I think I surprised everyone, especially my parents and sister 😂

Your DS is staying active, healthy, has a job. That’s quite good. When he’s ready to add someone to his life and finds the right person, he will.
And I am a strong believer in no relationship being better than a relationship with the wrong person. The latter have the potential to truly destroy people.

How does that help the OP.?

Obvious answer- he is not as lonely as you think.
Either he is happy being single or he is seeking casual relationships he is not sharing with you and having a nice time having fun.
Is he actually telling you he is lonely, or is it just you worry he is not comforming to an idea of happiness that is yours?

Maybe being in the military means it's hard to commit to a relationship, and he's just having fun on tinder?

What a weird comment 🙄 maybe he’s just happy being single!

There's always something to worry about with kids - doesn't matter how old they are.

He sounds like he is enjoying life to me. Just remind yourself that we all do things in our own time and we all have different lives to lead. Also there are lots of benefits in being single and being happy in your own company is really important. There are plenty of people out there in terrible relationships because they can't cope with being alone.

@BustingBaoBun

It happens.

That was me. I was scared to be alone. But no one, or no man I should say, is worth our mental peace

Also my dh is marines. It's a shitty life for some of us at home.

A big part of this is the fact that the cost of going out has skyrocketed. £7 a pint at my local pub so of course no one's going out for one anymore.

When people are saying it's an issue it really isn't. He may just be happy in his own skin with his friends enjoying his life why does everything that doesn't involve partners kids and a mortgage mean that his life is somewhat lacking? We tend to view other people's happiness through our own frame of what makes us happy. Equally OP is just concerned but he sounds like e is happy with what he doing.

Heck at some of the replies! 🙄

He'll be fine, when he is ready he will be ready. It's understandable you worry as you are his mum but a lot of his fun you will know nothing about! 🤣

I did not have a relationship until I was over 27 and then i think i rushed into it with someone totally unsuitable mainly becuase my single status was a source of speculation in my family. Truth was i was not interested in casual dating and rarely found anyone around I fancied. I had a couple of temporary relationships which impacted my self esteem then met Dh at the age if thirty, moved in with him on the second date and we have been together over 20 Years.

Your son may be very choosy. He may be focusing on other things right now. He may be gay or asexual. He may also be very socially active but you don’t know the ins and outs of it.