Sending children to bed without dinner

[ChristmasisinManchester]

My nieces have just told me they were sent to bed without dinner as a punishment (or tea if that’s your lingo!)

AIBU to think this is a cruel punishment akin to smacking your kids and even 10 years ago parents should have known better?

Or is it still used/fair at times “when necessary” - if a kid “deserved it”.

my husband said that’s whilst his parents didn’t do it, and we as parents haven’t done it - he didn’t think it was too big a deal.

YABU - once in a while it’s understandable
YANBU - not acceptable

(I can understand a kid being sent to their room before dinner time and everyone in too sour a mood to come together - but this was as a “punishment” - the mum used to sneak food to them without dad knowing. Unknown what the “crime” was, but let’s presume it was not punching teachers and setting fire to bus stops, but related to typical teenage girls being arseholes at times)

It's a terrible punishment. V cruel.

YANBU, it's neglectful imo

I don’t think it’s fair to deprive of a basic need like a meal. More appropriate to withhold a treat or fun thing.

A punishment for teenage girls?? That is shocking. Not good for a 6 year old, but a very, very odd punishment for a teenager.

Food shouldn't be used as punishment, if they're naughty every day are they never going to eat?

It sounds like the father is a controlling bully and the mother having to 'sneak' food behind his back suggests a very disturbing dynamic.

Awful

Physically if they are well fed at other times they'll be fine.

Would I choose it as a punishment no. If my DD was being particularly rude to me or similar would I want to cook her a nice meal, no probably not. I'd probably take her some toast later on.

I think it's probably worse as a punishment for small children as generally they don't eat as much at other times and lunch at school can be very early. But I don't think it's akin to smacking if only done very occasionally. Withholding food regularly is a different matter

If they were my neices I'd encourage them to speak to their teachers. If it's a correct punishment, then the parents won't mind.

Even prisoners in solitary get food.
Feeding your children is basic parenting ng

I am envisioning an archaic father whose own parents used this punishment and he thinks It's okay as 'he turned out fine'.

No. Neglect and I doubt he'll have much of a relationship with them once they're old enough.

And the mother having to 'sneak' food? She's afraid of him.

Nah, this is a cruel ‘punishment’. Eating is a fundamental need.
Kids would only go to bed without dinner here if they refused to eat. But that would be their choice, not a punishment.

It's abuse.

Food should never be used as discipline. It is historically linked as one of the reasons people develop food issues.

By all means remove a treat dinner for a regular offer, e.g. pizza for meat + 2 veg

With holding food as a punishment in the UK is considered to be abuse.

That's cruel. Even if the 'crime' was bad, this isn't a way to deal with it. Only exception if they refused dinner and wanted junk food or doing this often.

I agree it’s unacceptable. Just because a child has misbehaved doesn’t mean it’s ok to stop providing for their basic needs. You obviously have to feed your children even if they’ve upset you.

Withholding a meal is abusive and horrible IMO.

What a way to pull rank on your child by reminding them that they are reliant on you and that you can withdraw access to their basic needs if they displease you.

Starving a child for punishment is pure evil.

Think you’ve nailed it

Depends what they did and their age/comprehension.

If they are fannying about refusing to eat as they are holding out for junk, then yes, offer dinner and nothing else. their choice to eat or not. They'll eat all their breakfast.

If they have done something unrelated and are withheld food as a punishment, then yes, obviously that is abuse

YANBU. It's cruel abuse. I'm really sorry for your niece and hope she finds other positive adult role models so she doesn't end up repeating the cycle with her kids if she ever has them.
If/whenever you can, be her witness and let her know you find it awful and she does not deserves this.

Horrible lowlife parenting. Whatever the age and whatever the deed, this is terrible.

The question is what will you do with this info OP?

I saw something that a normal thing in families is to say “no, you’re not having a snack because I’m cooking tea now” but to a kid that has experienced abuse through the withholding of food, it’s triggering for them because they can’t separate no snack because tea is soon with you’re not eating as a punishment.

Why would you withhold a nutritious meal from your daughter for misbehaving. There are other forms of discipline that don’t cause mental health issues. Some parents dont deserve to have children

@Singleandproud if you arecin the UK it is considered abuse. It is akin to smaking because it is both physical and emotional harm.

@Ahhhgrophobia I have never done it, my DD never misbehaves is autistic and a rule follower.

But in the hypothetical scenario I can quite easily imagine a teen being very rude and unappreciative and the parent not wanting to spend lots of time cooking for someone and putting effort in if they have been disrespectful. We often hear of parents being told to go on strike andnot provide for those in the house that don't appreciate what they do, it's not so different.

The mum sneaking food sounds like an authoritarian father though and a weird dynamic.