Sending children to bed without dinner

[ChristmasisinManchester]

My nieces have just told me they were sent to bed without dinner as a punishment (or tea if that’s your lingo!)

AIBU to think this is a cruel punishment akin to smacking your kids and even 10 years ago parents should have known better?

Or is it still used/fair at times “when necessary” - if a kid “deserved it”.

my husband said that’s whilst his parents didn’t do it, and we as parents haven’t done it - he didn’t think it was too big a deal.

YABU - once in a while it’s understandable
YANBU - not acceptable

(I can understand a kid being sent to their room before dinner time and everyone in too sour a mood to come together - but this was as a “punishment” - the mum used to sneak food to them without dad knowing. Unknown what the “crime” was, but let’s presume it was not punching teachers and setting fire to bus stops, but related to typical teenage girls being arseholes at times)

Food should never been used as a punishment. I can’t actually believe parents still do this given the awareness around eating disorders.

I’ve never sent them to bed with no dinner but I certainly lost my shit with them arsing around with their dinner, swiped the plates away and scraped it into the bin once or twice. I always felt bad though and gave them toast before bed so they weren’t hungry!

But even then most parents would offer toast or cereal etc.

No I have never done this, if it was because of not wanting what was cooked bread and butter was allowed but never no food

Sure I think it is cruel but separate to that has it ever had the effect the parents were looking for

Same as smacking or any other punishment, has it ever worked? We dealt with the issue there and then and moved on and thinking back I don't remember ever having the same conversation twice

In addition to my post to anyone I see say 'it never did me any harm growing up' I would did it actually do any good?

Depends on what they did? I have threatened to send them to bed without dinner but only when they refuse to eat their dinner! I've never actually done it but I would if they refused to eat. That said. I can't imagine any other scenario where I would use that as a punishment.

I’m afraid this sounds like they are being set up for an eating disorder. Good shouldn’t be used as a punishment or a reward really.

I don't understand the rationale for this. What do the parents hope to achieve? A hungry child who has not had their basic needs met would behave even worse.

Food should never be witheld as a form of punishment.

My parents did this regularly if one of us had misbehaved, we all got punished. Why anyone would withhold food from their children is abhorrent and abusive. It still makes me angry to think about tbh. I wouldn’t punish a child by eating alone either, that’s just as bad. If any of our children never wanted what was for dinner then there was the offer of a sandwich with fruit or something like toast and cheese etc.

I remember being starving in the morning and being given a piece of toast that never filled me up and my stomach grumbling eagerly waiting on lunch time to get a school lunch. In the end I always asked for seconds at lunch time to try and make sure if we were denied dinner I wasn’t hungry at night. To think of a child going to bed hungry makes my stomach churn.

same. I was routinely sent to bed as a punishment. My parents were very strict and could snap over nothing so we were sent to bed early on a regular basis as a punishment. The early bedtime was 6.30pm (!!!). I would be awake in the summer, in my room, and be listening to my friends playing outside.

And from childhood until I was in my 30s, I suffered terrible insomnia.

Not something i have ever done parenting 3 kids

that's terrible, so sorry to hear that :(

Even my very strict parents wouldn't have done this. I can't remember food ever being used as a punishment like this.

It doesn't even make logical sense.

It’s abusive, I hope the girls are old enough now? At least mom was able to see that although obviously not able to stand up to dad. Concerning that he is such a bully and wife appears unable to challenge him - are there DV concerns?

Heavens to Betsy, the pearl clutching is outrageous! If it's a regular punishment ofcourse its cruel & unkind. But as a once off, I don't think a child has ever died being denied one meal. Calm down.

Food is a basic need. Not ok for punishment. No treats, fine.

Absolutely not.

It's neglect.

Ok I will ask an adult refuses a child food even once what is the parent going to actually achieve by doing that?

Making themselves feel better by denying a human food? They actually feel better by doing that?

Even a single meal is cruel. it absolutely is, because hunger causes a physical pain. A child can not sleep or relax when properly hungry. It causes an awful stomach ache and this kind of neglect is totally unacceptable, even once.

What is more the trust the child has in their parents to deliver even the most basic of care completely breaks down.

Food should never be a punishment or a treat. Yanbu.

No the only time I can think would be acceptable would be when you’ve cooked food you know damn well they like but they refuse it wanting something else to give the option it’s this or nothing they pick nothing then so be it.

Though even then I’ve always allowed at least crackers or fruit. But we are not, not eating lasagne to trade it for chicken nuggets.

Well if they’re not hungry for dinner they’re not hungry for that neither are they.

You do know that not dying is a pretty low bar to aim for?! I mean, slapping a child won’t kill them either but we have rightly decided as a society that it is illegal to do so. Let’s aim a little higher for children as you are correct- it is cruel and unkind and quite honestly a weird power flex by a grown man.

Not a punishment I ever chose to mete out when my children were young.

I think it is always a mistake to make food into a battleground no matter what the reason.