Sending children to bed without dinner

[ChristmasisinManchester]

My nieces have just told me they were sent to bed without dinner as a punishment (or tea if that’s your lingo!)

AIBU to think this is a cruel punishment akin to smacking your kids and even 10 years ago parents should have known better?

Or is it still used/fair at times “when necessary” - if a kid “deserved it”.

my husband said that’s whilst his parents didn’t do it, and we as parents haven’t done it - he didn’t think it was too big a deal.

YABU - once in a while it’s understandable
YANBU - not acceptable

(I can understand a kid being sent to their room before dinner time and everyone in too sour a mood to come together - but this was as a “punishment” - the mum used to sneak food to them without dad knowing. Unknown what the “crime” was, but let’s presume it was not punching teachers and setting fire to bus stops, but related to typical teenage girls being arseholes at times)

Yes - it’s precisely why people comfort eat or withhold food intake depending on the pattern’s established in childhood, it can also be seen with ‘treats’ that are food based. Forcing children to eat food, or taking it away for poor behaviour is instilling poor associations.

Food is not a weapon or a tool for instilling good behaviour or habits. It is a basic human right, and non negotiable.

I feel desperately sad for the children on the receiving end of this kind of punishment. Rainy days I think an on line parenting class is a good idea - it will highlight how you can encourage better behaviour in kinder more positive ways. Your relationship will benefit with your dc and you will feel much more in control at home.

Have you actually come back to this thread to ask
me a question again? Wow.

I didn’t answer because I don’t need to, and because I think it’s ridiculous you think i’m going to adjust my parenting because a stranger on the internet has told me to.

I will ask you again as you seem so insistent on bullying, did you or did you not read my posts? Because it doesn’t take a genius to work out that I don’t use food as a punishment.

To summarise, thank you for saying my children are traumatised and thank you for coming back today to remind me that you think i’m a shit parent.

Luckily, I couldn’t give a shit what you think, but someone else could have been damaged by your words.

Have a day off

So you didn’t feed them and now are being defensive.

This happened to me repeatedly as a child. It was excruciatingly painful in the middle of the night, the pains in my tummy. The stress and coldness of the night. The thought that my parents could react like that. I developed anorexia and my db went the other way and is obese.

We are all saying what you are doing is wrong. It’s very upsetting reading your posts. You really don’t seem to care.

My daughters are adopted and were denied food in their birth family. Anyway I can tell you that social services would be extremely concerned if they got wind that food is being withheld. All it takes is for a child to make a remark to a teacher and the whole weight of social services will descend.

Arran2024 ·i have special guardianship for a 16 yo he was 13 when he came to me, he also was denied food and neglected, so thank you for posting it gave me the courage to speak up, yes social services would be very interested in this post i dont think the person who wrote it realises the damage and harm that it can cause to the said children before anyone says hes 16 ! and criticises, he has SEN and emotional issues because of the withholding of food , i hope rather than this post carries on the person who wrote it comes to her senses and realises what she does to her children is abuse and stops it ,

Aw well done for taking on a teen in need. So much withholding parenting is really damaging but the parents who do it don't want to believe it. There is never a good reason to do this.

I don’t care lol why would I care what you say, you’re a weird stranger who won’t give it a rest

Even in an adult prison housing cat A prisoners food is never withdrawn. You can be put in a tiny isolation cell with no daylight for weeks or longer but you can count on three meals a day.

Taking away food as punishment for bad behaviour as pp has done is abuse. She doesn’t think so. Despite the entire thread saying otherwise, and the law.

Are you mentally unwell lol please highlight to me in ANY of my posts where I have said I have taken away food. I’ve even spelt it out for you that my children, all 5 of them (yes i’ve managed to keep 5 children healthy and alive, shock) all know where the kitchen is. They were told to leave the table at dinner time because they decided to be really fucking annoying, as kids often are, and repeatedly ignored my requests to behave better. They were given fair warning that if they didn’t stop then they obviously didn’t want their dinner anyway, and guess what, they carried on anyway. This isn’t a regular occurrence in my house, at all, it was what you call a bad day for everyone else involved.
As I have also said, they weren’t traumatised
enough by this to not do it again, because occasionally we have even more bad behaviour at meal times.
I don’t know what else you want me to say, I literally couldn’t be clearer.

Im sorry your parents were the way they were but do not project this onto other people just because it makes you feel as though you’re doing a good deed in the world because really you’re not, you’re just being irritating.

But you said in your earlier post that you took away their dinner and they went to bed without food. That is literally what you said.

You then caveat your statement by saying they had eaten enough during the day. As if that’s okay.

i can’t imagine any child coming into the kitchen after that and saying they were hungry. You quite frankly sound terrifying, hard and indifferent.

This has nothing to do with my life, and everything to do with you. The fact your children are still alive is a low bar. All children play up at dinner times sometimes, most parents have strategies to deal with it, that would not involve their dc going to bed hungry.

This is nothing to do with your life yet you felt the need to tell me you’re anorexic and your brother is obese? Great.

Im hard to some random person on the internet absolutely because if I wasn’t then your words could be hurtful, which luckily as I say I couldn’t care less and have no idea why i’m replying.

It was completely their choice they went to bed with no food. My 8 month old throws his food on the floor by choice, perhaps I should force that into his mouth in case social services are called for starving him.

Not replying anymore, so save yourself the effort. Im off to turn the heating off now, dismantle my kids beds, empty the fridge and remove the bath from
my house 👍

You should have found better ways to discipline them. Kids are annoying at times but I've never let mine go to bed without food. If you can't handle people telling you that it's wrong then maybe take a look as to why that is. Part of parenting is accepting that you make wrong decisions sometimes and to listen to what others say, not be pig headed and insist your way is the only correct way. I definitely have and I admit to that.

that's interesting that you say they aren't traumatised as they still sometimes misbehave... because in the original post I replied to, you implied that you did it once and now they're angels at the dinner table... so which is it?

also, if they still misbehave/are annoying still, it shows that removing food doesn't work as a deterrent... so not only is it abusive, it's also ineffective.

There was a time when I would have thought it was okay to present dinner as an eat-it-or-lose-it sort of thing, so if the child didn't want to eat the dinner that was prepared then they'd be going without - but I've changed my mind on that. Food really shouldn't be a battleground.

Cannot fathom deliberately withholding food as a punishment. Wasn't that one of the ways in which that poor kid Arthur was tortured by his dad and stepmother before they murdered him?

read my post again i said they’re NOT still angels

This- if they were in the habit of refusing a healthy meal every night then screaming until they got the chips and chocolates or until you cooked them some fresh prawns and asparagus, I can see doing this to make it clear dinner is dinner and we aren’t pandering to these unhealthy and entitled habits.
just as a punishment in general, I wouldn’t.

Victorian father needs dragged into this century.
It's abuse and neglect rolled into one.

And 15% of MNers think it’s ok 😳

Wow. You sent an 8 month old baby to bed without food? How could they take themselves to the kitchen later on as you said before?

This is seriously, seriously messed up. You seem to enjoy talking about child neglect. It’s bloody disturbing. Your poor children.

My parents could be abusive in some ways but they didn't do this. They would give us bread and water instead of the dinner that was planned. I honestly don't think it harmed us, I don't remember it happening often. But withholding food totally? That sounds ineffective and pointless to me. I bet it doesn't help those children learn to respect their parents.

This happened to me recently I since I was in a bit of a grumpy mood for school in the morning what makes this worst is that I didn't have breakfast or lunch that day so I basically had no food. Granted I regreted taking lunch box since again grumpy mood but this is just cruel I'm just in my room straving and all that happenend after I called my mom to buy me some food. I'm fine now but that was just cruel I tried to research anything about this if it was illegal in my country but I couldn't find any leads. Thank you for calling out terrible parents like this Love you bye.

This is something you have to take at the source. Don’t do anything unless you investigate further. Kids don’t always tell the truth

Treating children like that went out with the ark.The father wants to drag himself into this century.