Sending children to bed without dinner

[ChristmasisinManchester]

My nieces have just told me they were sent to bed without dinner as a punishment (or tea if that’s your lingo!)

AIBU to think this is a cruel punishment akin to smacking your kids and even 10 years ago parents should have known better?

Or is it still used/fair at times “when necessary” - if a kid “deserved it”.

my husband said that’s whilst his parents didn’t do it, and we as parents haven’t done it - he didn’t think it was too big a deal.

YABU - once in a while it’s understandable
YANBU - not acceptable

(I can understand a kid being sent to their room before dinner time and everyone in too sour a mood to come together - but this was as a “punishment” - the mum used to sneak food to them without dad knowing. Unknown what the “crime” was, but let’s presume it was not punching teachers and setting fire to bus stops, but related to typical teenage girls being arseholes at times)

I am 19 and I experienced that during my childhood so it’s always been a thing

Neglect and abuse if it's done often.

Not acceptable under any circumstances not to feed them. If however dc are being very rude/disruptive during the meal and creating a lot of friction and stress and they refused to heed my warning to stop, I’d ask them to leave the table and then can return to eat their meal after we have finished.

Fred and Rosemary West vibes

Checking the year( oh yes 2024 ,not 1824!) This seems outdated and cruel to me. I wouldnt be able to sleep well with no dinner! Feeding DC is a basic rule of being a parent surely

I'm shocked at this! withholding food is neglect and could inflict trauma on the said child, child abuse at its best !!!!!

The complete denial of food should never be used as a punishment, The creative "punishment" at my school was "the late table". If you were late downstairs your breakfast was tea without milk or sugar, porridge likewise and toast with no butter or marmalade. I was only ever late down once!!!

Parents have a legal responsibility to do various things, including providing food

Why anyone would use food as punishment - completely bizarre and inappropriate

Sorry but this sort of punishment would not and should not have happened now ten years ago or even 20 years ago.

Punishment like this is harsh and unreasonable. It is likely to leave scars longer term.

It puts all responsibility onto the children. Adults take no part in helping their children with whatever happened. Sometimes they won't even know exactly what they even did. I bet sometimes one of them did nothing but both are punished.

It is cruel to withhold food and really potentially damaging to children to be ignored, banished.

You are right to be concerned.

We had this punishment as children. I’m not linking it to later developing an eating disorder. But I did. Even now when I am cross with myself. I search for that hungry feeling. It’s a weird one and it’s cruel.

we don’t do this to our children and never would. We have a 2 year old and as two year olds often do. He refuses dinner sometimes. I still make sure he eats something before bed such as a banana because I can’t stand the thought of him being hungry at night. It’s horrible.

Were they offered food and didn't want it? Otherwise that's on them.

If food was withheld from then - Food deprivation, food abuse, neglected to feed a child ; Social Services/MASH needs to be contacted. Please don't let this go, OP. I feel that those who do not report this abuse are only condoning it further. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's child abuse.

I also think if they can inflict this level of punishment whet else are they doing?

I think a bit of context is needed.

My kids have played up so so badly at dinner time before, I must have told them 50 times to stop arguing, stop bickering, stop pushing each other, it was relentless!
So I gave them fair warning and said if you don’t stop, you’ll both be going to bed without dinner, and they didn’t stop. They were 9 and 11 at the time, so well aware of what they were doing.
In my opinion, that absolutely isn’t abuse, and actually they weren’t so traumatised that they sit like little angels now at the table because occasionally they don’t, but on that day, there needed to be a consequence.

I think it is not a great form of punishment... first, depending on how often the punishment is used, it could cause issues with food in general... that being said, it is also my experience that hunger is only likely to excerbate the situation. There are better ways to handle infractions... food should not be weaponized.

You could have just asked them to leave the table and offered crackers and or cereal. Exhaustion, overwhelm, stress and pressure can cause children to argue and play up. You really don’t need to add to their misery by starving them as well.

Have you any idea how stressful it is to be a child these days? Please don’t do that again.

Yes this

@ChristmasisinManchester I knew a family who took reading away from one of their girls as punishment. Totally shocked me.

Withholding a meal is cruel and horrible. Withholding treats/dessert is ok if behaviour has been bad. Also depends on age of child. With small children if you tell them no pudding if you don’t behave they usually do! 😂

This is awful and absolutely is considered abuse. My parents never did it to us and I’ve never done it to my kids. It’s so cruel. Although, what about children that refuse to eat what is given? Even when the parents know they like it or have given multiple options - all rejected. In that situation a child might end up having no tea and going to bed, but the parents haven’t refused to feed their child. I can see the child saying they were sent to bed without tea though.

Starving 😂🤦‍♀️ Do you know how much my children eat on a daily basis? Please believe me that if they were hungry at that moment in time they would have stopped when warned about 49 times that they would be told to leave the table.

They don’t have any of those things in their lives they were just being naughty for the sake of it, which kids do, a lot.

As a child that was not from an English background I remember only hearing of this punishment when a friend told me he’d been sent to bed with no dinner when I was in primary school. I remember talking it out with my mum when I got home as I felt so bad. I was a really picky eater and my mum would make me a “ special” meal every night as well as something for the rest of the family. My mum would try and make me more food if I picked at my special meal, I feel really spoilt and priverlaged. Appreciate her efforts even more after ready what some people have suffered on this thread :(

This is not a laughing matter. Your post says it all. Why on earth aren’t you taking a moment to reflect on whether what you are doing to your own children and as you have heard may seriously damage them?

Food is non negotiable. Stop using it as a punishment.

I remember my Dad doing this to me when I was 15 (for "answering back"), it was my favourite dinner too (Lasagne!) My mum snuck me some food after they had eaten...! Exactly as a previous poster said I felt absolutely imprisoned knowing that my food could be withheld if I said anything out of line. I'm sure it did make me more compliant but it (amoungst other parenting missteps) also made me feel unloved.

My dad went to a horrible boarding school when he was 7 and they withheld the pupils food as punishments 😓

Have you even read either of my posts? I dont need to reflect, stop trying to make something out of this just to create a bit more drama in true mumsnet fashion.