MIL strikes again

[againanothernamechange]

DP and I have a 10 month old, we live a 40 min drive from his dads house, we have an agreement in place that once a month for childcare reasons his dad and step mum will have GC. we have to drop GC off, he stays overnight and then GP's will drop him back home after work the following day. I admit, this month we've had to ask them to have him on a couple more occasions than usual because of mine the DP's work.

GC is due to go today, he's been off colour all week, and is now full of cold but MIL (its easier to call her that) is questioning if he's well enough for the visit! she says that she had planned for her own DD's child to be there 'for quality time apparently!!' (theres a 6 month difference), but if our son is poorly, she will have to cancel this as its not fair to pass any germs on!!!

I simply can't take time off work, nor can my DP and its just a cold!

AIBU by sending GC or YANBU.. its just a cold and she's being precious about the other GC

YABVU. You or your DP should take the time off work.

But is she saying she will have to cancel the other child being there or your child?

Of course you are being unreasonable! Your child isn’t well so should be at home.

bizzare.

Yes, agreed. If he’s full of cold I wouldn’t have sent him nursery either. He’s going to pass it to his cousin.

This is the reality of childcare, I’m afraid. One of you stays off.

Sorry but one of you parents will need to make provisions to look after your child - does either of your companies have an emergency leave
Policy?

Yeah, I think you're being unreasonable here I'm afraid. If they're doing it as a favour they're quite within their rights to not want to risk catching something, or passing on to another child in their care. I appreciate its not ideal, but if you want to avoid it happening you do need to pay for childcare (and accept that they'll also refuse to have them for a variety of illnesses as well).

You sound entitled to me. They’re doing you a favour by providing you with free childcare! YABU

I think you need to take a look at yourself and your lifestyle. When you have got to the point of thinking it is ok to send a sick child to its grandparents and that they are being unreasonable for refusing, then you are not coping. Either that or you see other people as objects.

This is absolutely not a MIL problem.

Your MIL is totally reasonable.

Its actually a legal requirement in the UK for employees to be able to take emergency leave to look after dependents - it doesn't have to be paid though.

If my dd's childcare got cancelled everytime dgc had a cold they'd never work.
Your mil is bu but she's doing you a favour so she can.

I think you are being very unreasonable if the child is unwell. I also think it isn't very nice to say MIL strikes again about somebody that is doing you a huge favour by doing g regular childcare. You do come across as a bit entitled.

YABVU. I don’t blame her! A very young child not well and full of cold needs to be at home ideally with his parents.
In the past I have had my grandchildren overnight when they have not been well and have spent nights when I’ve barely had any sleep - not easy and why should she, she’s done her time,
It also sounds like they have had them more this month already - do you think they feel taken advantage off?
Unfortunately it’s your problem not hers and her own grandchild is irrelevant.

The title then the scenario indicate that you don't seem to like your MIL much.

I think YABU and I'd be careful about how you approach this as you may well find your free childcare drying up.

Your kid your problem, they already do you favours for childcare.

I'm absolutely astounded at your attitude tbh.

Your title is interesting.

She has every right not to want to catch a cold or expose her GC to it.

This post is so bating. How is your MIL striking again?! She cares for your Child overnight on multiple occasions to help you out.

this thread is awful.

You are being very unreasonable - your MIL has an entitled DIL issue.

If your MIL is saying she will cancel having her other grandchild there, if your dc is ill, @againanothernamechange, it doesn't sounds as if she is being at all unreasonable. She isn't backing out of the arrangement with you, and is willing to have your child even though they are unwell.

If there is any way either you or your dh could stay at home with your child, they would probably be more comfortable in their own home, but I do understand that, if you have to work, you will have to use your childcare option, which means the child going to their grandparents' house. I don't think this is a decision which working parents make lightly.

Your childs not well, why would you want to chance maybe passing it to another child or maybe starting to feel worse than 'just a cold'

Take a day off

Regardless of whether or not you can take time off work I actually think it’s very reasonable not to want a child that’s been sick all week and has a heavy cold to sleepover at your house or pass germs on to their cousin. Buck stops with the parents on this one I’m afraid. I think you sound extremely ungrateful for what they do for you.

"she says that she had planned for her own DD's child to be there 'for quality time apparently!!"

Interesting turn of phrase you use there OP. Almost as if she has no right (or it's decidedly odd) to want to see her own daughter's child.

If he’s full of cold (your words) he can’t go.

You are definitely BU. Your MiL has your baby for 2 whole days and an overnight every month plus other random occasions and now you are being critical of her ( what about FiL ? ) for not wanting to catch whatever bug your child has or pass it onto her other GC. Maybe start paying for childcare if you aren’t happy with the current arrangement. I feel sorry for your mil, you don’t seem to like her or be grateful for what she is doing.

My PIL would look after DDs still if they had a sniffle, runny nose etc, but if DDs were poorly in themselves then one of us had to be at home