MIL strikes again

[againanothernamechange]

DP and I have a 10 month old, we live a 40 min drive from his dads house, we have an agreement in place that once a month for childcare reasons his dad and step mum will have GC. we have to drop GC off, he stays overnight and then GP's will drop him back home after work the following day. I admit, this month we've had to ask them to have him on a couple more occasions than usual because of mine the DP's work.

GC is due to go today, he's been off colour all week, and is now full of cold but MIL (its easier to call her that) is questioning if he's well enough for the visit! she says that she had planned for her own DD's child to be there 'for quality time apparently!!' (theres a 6 month difference), but if our son is poorly, she will have to cancel this as its not fair to pass any germs on!!!

I simply can't take time off work, nor can my DP and its just a cold!

AIBU by sending GC or YANBU.. its just a cold and she's being precious about the other GC

This must be a reverse. They're bloody tedious.

"for childcare reasons", "we have to drop GC off"
The entitlement and attitude starts immediately, it's leaking out of you and you don't even realise, it's not just about the current situation.

It seems your mil is very patient and forgiving of this but there might come a point it adds up and is too much, but will come as a shock to you.

To avoid this happening try and have some self awareness, honesty and gratitude towards how you feel about you rmil.

Talk about entitlement. They are doing you a favour weekly. They don’t want your kids germs . Parent yourself.

This is one of the most entitled posts I have read on here. 100% unreasonable and 100% selfish. I have no other words.

Entitled much, OP?

those are completely separate issues though. she's not disagreeing with you about your decision in this case - you both agree he has a cold. she understands why you want her to look after him and she clearly doesn't have an issue with this normally or she wouldn't do it but she's allowed to not want herself or her other GC to catch the cold.

if she's not getting paid she can say no for any reason she wants.
She'd be within her rights to say no even if he didn't have a cold for any of the other reasons you've mentioned - she wants to spend 1 on 1 time with her other GC and she's already looked after him for more than the usual amount this month.

If you want guaranteed childcare you have to pay for it. If someone is helping you out for free just be grateful and accept they can say no whenever they want

If it's just a cold I'd send him, but if he's feeling really unwell one of you needs to take care of him.

Op, weaning isn't really advised until 6m and I would probably comment on that too.

But I must say that your title and the language you use drips with scorn for this woman.

Personally, I wouldn't leave my baby with someone I didn't like or value.

I agree with pp's, find alternative childcare and give the woman a break from your disagreeable attitude towards her.

Gross behaviour, knowingly passing on germs, eugh

You sound like a horrendous DIL

So she’s prepared to cancel her GC, risk getting sick all to accommodate your family. She does this whole childcare overnight multiple times a month and drops him back to you, doing a 40 minute drive there and back.
She will also do additional childcare when you need it. What a cow! She has indeed ‘struck again’.
I’d go NC. Oh and send her my way. Thanks!

This is a very unkind post - you sound like you just don't like her! Interestingly you like her enough to trust her with your child when it suits....

Obviously your child shouldn't go if they are 'full of cold'
Obviously MIL will want to spend time with her own grandchildren

I know it's inconvenient for you but your mil has every right to cancel.
I really hate it when I do a favour or something out of kindness then it becomes an expectation and the other party gets pissed off because I can't do it.

"Entitled DIL strikes again"

Fixed your title for you

we do appreciate everything they do for us, but its tedious sometimes having to explain everything to her, i dont mean to sound ungrateful, but rather than question everything, can i not be cut a bit of slack just once!

More like daughter in law strikes agian. It’s unreasonable to expose them to potentially catching the illness and then being run down themselves and not being able to see their other grandchildren. They are unpaid childcare, surely you must realise that? Is a bit odd a 4 month old would need to be in their own room, don’t tell me she needed ‘independence’?

I’m assuming that the goading is now completely deliberate.

OP, I just don’t believe anyone could be so ignorant of others feelings and appear so blasé about their own child…

I'm so sorry that you actually have to parent your child when it's not 100% convenient, and you're certainly the first parent to ever have to handle this balance, but hopefully you can survive this.

And it sounds like maybe you do need to be questioned occasionally, especially by someone who spends so much time with your child.

Yes, your MIL is striking again….for common sense. Thank goodness.

She isn't even saying don’t take your child to them, she’s simply asking how bad your child is, so that she can gauge whether or not to cancel her other, perfectly well GC coming along at the same time.

You write as if you are doing her a favour by taking him there for them to look after. (It’s a 40 min drive and you have to drop him off there.)

I think you should consider how you would feel if you were the parents of the other child. It’s highly likely the other child will catch what your child has.
In the end, either you take time off because of your sick child, or the other mum has to take time off because your sick child was at MIL’s passing it on to her well child.

If your PIL catch the cold from your child, they may be too poorly to look after your DS next time you need them.

It’s ‘just a cold’ to you, -it might be more serious for somebody older.

Why not focus on trying to contain the cold germs rather than taking offence at MIL, who I’m sure would be similarly protective towards your child if the boot were on the other foot.

Of course ybu. They've had your baby more than usual. Now your moaning they don't want your sick baby. How selfish are you!

Yeah, another spurious post.

Sorry you sound really stressed but it isn’t wrong for her to question early weaning or moving into own room before 6 months. These are things that should be (politely) questioned to check you understand the dangers involved. And if your child is ill you are the one that needs to look after them.

it’s really hard when children are little but from what you have said it doesn’t seem she is wrong. You seem to be sufficiently fraught you can’t see the wood for the trees.

OP please just stop. You "appreciate everything they do" for you but "MIL strikes again" because your MIL is worried about her other grandchild getting sick?
You had the child, you look after the child. Tough shit if that's inconvenient for you.

Well you can't have it both ways OP. If you want her to be a loving involved grandmother who does a tidy chunk of childcare for you then the trade off of that is she's going to see herself as having a role in your child's life, which will come with questions and opinions. She's a human being, not a robot who will silently follow your instructions and do whatever you want doing perfectly. If you want her to keep her thoughts to herself, then you will need to reset the role and expectations and find other childcare. Or alternatively put up with it because the benefit outweighs the cost.

I think you need to organise some proper paid childcare.