MIL strikes again

[againanothernamechange]

DP and I have a 10 month old, we live a 40 min drive from his dads house, we have an agreement in place that once a month for childcare reasons his dad and step mum will have GC. we have to drop GC off, he stays overnight and then GP's will drop him back home after work the following day. I admit, this month we've had to ask them to have him on a couple more occasions than usual because of mine the DP's work.

GC is due to go today, he's been off colour all week, and is now full of cold but MIL (its easier to call her that) is questioning if he's well enough for the visit! she says that she had planned for her own DD's child to be there 'for quality time apparently!!' (theres a 6 month difference), but if our son is poorly, she will have to cancel this as its not fair to pass any germs on!!!

I simply can't take time off work, nor can my DP and its just a cold!

AIBU by sending GC or YANBU.. its just a cold and she's being precious about the other GC

I think your dh's step mom is being amazing frankly! She helps you out a ton!

And she's right about solids. Not until 6 months, and it is recommended they sleep in your room up until a year old.

Maybe she is just sharing things her daughter has done since the babies are close in age.

Cor you've got some neck on ya

I would question those things too..

You wound lazy and uninformed.

Agree with other PPs that YABU.

My parents have DS 1-2 times a month for the weekend (mainly because they adore him rather than for childcare, although we do really appreciate it from a childcare perspective too). If DS is really unwell I keep him home - if he’s recovering from a cold or teething I warn them that he’s off so they have a choice as to whether they still want to have him or not. They are nearly 70 now so being up with a poorly child and extra colds is the last thing they need. Plus if he’s really poorly, he needs his mummy.

It’s cold season now so I’m expecting DS to have bugs back to back now, he’s already had a cold followed by croup (was really poorly that time). He’s no doubt caught that from another kid whose parent thought “it’s only a cold” before blithely sending their DC to sensory class / playgroup. My parents don’t have any other GC, but would never want DS to expose a cousin to his bugs if they did.

You and I are both very lucky that we have parents / in laws providing regular childcare. Lots of mums in my mums group (including a couple of single mums) don’t have access to that, it’s nursery or nothing. I would appreciate what they’re doing for you rather than blowing off on MN about the fact MIL doesn’t want her other GC getting poorly!

If my daughter is ill then nursery don’t allow her in. It cocks up work for me or husband, but that’s the reality of having children I’m afraid. It’s no different because they are unpaid/informal childcare.

MIL is in fact asserting her boundaries and protecting the other child and herself from catching whatever it is. And are you 100% sure it isn't COVID or flu?

You on the other hand are being very unreasonable.

Look after your own child. Especially when they're sick.

You sound horrendously entitled and judgemental.

I think this is a total wind up.

Wow. I find the entitlement to grandparents time on here really odd - and why is this all her? What is your dad doing? Surely he could look after his unwell grandchild and she can see hers if you are totally stuck?

Grandparents have opinions - it's not a crime! She's not obliged to be silent until required to provide you with childcare!
Be grateful she cares enough about your baby's wellbeing, to bother expressing any concerns!

It's a fact of life that when you invite family members into the raising of your child, they feel invested and entitled to share their pov. If you want to take a myob approach to grandparents, you can't also use them for your own convenience.

Tbh your thread title reveals a lot about you and it doesn't come across well.
Mil is allowed to want 'quality time' with her daughter's child. And not pass on illness to that child. Ask yourself if you would genuinely not mind if the boot was on the other foot and it was your baby being needlessly exposed to illness. I suspect you'd not be okay with it at all!

It sucks trying to balance work and kids but in all honesty lots of childcare providers won't mind unwell children. And often you'd still be stuck with the bill, whether your baby attended the setting or not. Your mil is saving you thousands - be a bit grateful and hope she doesn't see this thread and tell you to fuck right off!

if you had said 'he's a little off colour' I would have said YANBU. But you're saying 'full of cold' which for kids I'm thinking streaming nose, coughing everywhere, headache etc etc. I don't want to be around anyone full of cold.
Massively YABU

I guess if you feel judged and don’t like her opinions, find alternative childcare.

She is doing you a favour - already more than usual this month you said?

She does not want to be sick, she does want to spend time with her other GC - and presumably not increase her / their chances of being ill…

If you push it, or just sound as p!$$ed of as you do here, she may well stop offering altogether.

Get used to being a parent, when they are sick, one of you has to take time off work.

Keep the goodwill childcare - you will really need it when they start school to cover the holidays!

Reverse. Got to be.

Or just looking for responses (I’ve learned not to say the naughty ‘ T ‘ word for fear of being deleted)

umm … you started him on solids at 4 months? She is regularly providing childcare which enables you to work in my book this means she’s not overstepping by questioning you when you go against current advice.

@againanothernamechange YABU. And solids are advised by medical professionals post 6 months as is keeping them in your room.

Mil is literally on point with current well researched guidelines. She isn't barking back to her day.

The top and bottom of this is that it sounds very much like you don’t really like her and maybe you feel judged by her because she’s telling you things that health care professionals would tell you. That’s not judging, it’s offering advice from experience. You don’t have to take it and you can raise your child in whatever way you want.

If your child is unwell, that’s your priority.

This. Where is the grandfather in this scenario? Why can't he drive over and watch the child in your house?

I wouldn't want to be exposed to the virus either.

I mean, unless it was paediatric-led, that is against all guidelines for good reason.

But regardless, you can't hold this much resentment for her but also use her as your childcare option.

Your unpaid childcare can change their arrangement for any reason. A 10 month old, full of cold, doesn't sound much fun and your once-a-month has been almost weekly recently. Is the other grandchild 4 or 16 months old? Not surprising she may want to protect a younger baby from germs.

Guidance is to delay solids until 6 months so it's normal she would query you starting at 4 months. If she carries on challenging your explanation then that's not reasonable but when someone is doing you a favour you may have to bite your tongue.

She hasn't absolutely refused to have your child, just said they would prefer not to. Let them know that you have seriously considered all options, don't just insist they have to stick to the agreement.

This.
Sorry.

Entitled much!

can't you hire someone for the day if it's a one off?

This post screams entitlement. Your kid, your responsibility.

No one is obliged to spend time with ill people! Rather shocking you're sending your 10month old out overnight even more so that you would when he's sick. Do you actually like him?

Of course she wants to protect her DDs house from all getting sick too. Your should be keeping him home.