MIL strikes again

[againanothernamechange]

DP and I have a 10 month old, we live a 40 min drive from his dads house, we have an agreement in place that once a month for childcare reasons his dad and step mum will have GC. we have to drop GC off, he stays overnight and then GP's will drop him back home after work the following day. I admit, this month we've had to ask them to have him on a couple more occasions than usual because of mine the DP's work.

GC is due to go today, he's been off colour all week, and is now full of cold but MIL (its easier to call her that) is questioning if he's well enough for the visit! she says that she had planned for her own DD's child to be there 'for quality time apparently!!' (theres a 6 month difference), but if our son is poorly, she will have to cancel this as its not fair to pass any germs on!!!

I simply can't take time off work, nor can my DP and its just a cold!

AIBU by sending GC or YANBU.. its just a cold and she's being precious about the other GC

I wouldn't mind taking a child with a cold, but not a 10 month old overnight. Also you don't mention their age but we avoid my elderly mother when we have chesty colds as she really suffers if she catches them.

Sorry OP you don't send a sick bairn out. I won't even see my grandbairn if I'm ill myself m it's selfish to pass something on if you don't need to.

Yabvu. Regardless of whether another child would be there or not, I still wouldn't send my sick dc to his gp. I'd be worried about them catching it, also as others have said they are doing you a favor. A favor doesn't include minding a sick child unless it's an emergency situation

It’s not just the cousins that will catch the cold, your ILs will likely catch it too. A cold can knock me off my feet for two weeks these days, so I go out of my way to not come into contact with them.

I think you are being massively unreasonable!! This is your partner's parents! Not some paid childcare provision! They sound amazing to have had their grandchild as much as they have!! Bless them, they r allowed to say no to a poorly child every now and again! Even if he wasn't poorly, they r allowed to say 'sorry, not this week'!

If you want regular, reliable childcare provision you will need to pay for a nursery place or childminder. In my view, grandparents are there to assist if and when it's ok and they r happy to. But you must never take their kindness for granted or rely on it. They have a life too.

My parents are dead and my in laws live over 600 miles away. You r lucky to have these kind people in your life. Don't forget how lucky you are and don't push your luck and take them for granted.

WTF - only on mumsnet do you get entitled people like you who think that are totally right 😂

"Strikes again"?? I was expecting a tale of a serially horrible MIL surpassing her own high standard of nastiness, rather than of a MIL who helps you out a fuck of a lot expressing concern that your sick child might infect her granddaughter, but is prepared to cancel her DGD's visit rather than her DSGS's so as not to inconvenience you. Why do you even allow someone you clearly actively dislike to care for your child overnight?

Your MIL is not at fault here.

Your child is unwell, he should be at home. YABU.

@againanothernamechange Really frustrating for you, but in this case I think, as others have said, your MIL is not being unreasonable. She hasn't refused to take your child - but if you send your child, not only your DC's cousin ( if they were there), but more importantly it's likely the GP's ( your in-laws) will probably catch it too. I do think that as she has made other arrangements on this occasion either you or your DH should take the day off tomorrow. It's very selfish of you and if your child is as unwell as that, they need to be in their own home/cot

Yabvu your poor baby needs to snuggle at home with mummy or daddy, not be shipped in the car elsewhere. It’s also not fair on mil and fil who are presumably older, and the baby cousin who’s parents would not thank you for them taking next week off cuz their dd is now unwell. My dad caught a cold in April, turned to pneumonia and nearly died. My son has been in hdu after a cold turned really nasty. It’s not just a cold to some. Take the time off and look after your son and don’t spread the virus

What exactly do you mean by “strikes again”? As far as I can see she’s providing you with free childcare on tap (she probably does the majority of it rather than her husband) and she’s very reasonably saying not to send him if he’s ill and you create a nasty post about her on the internet and whine about it. Take. Unpaid. Leave.

Come on, surely you're not serious?! Of course you or DP will need to take time off work!

Your title MIL strikes again is unfair, her point is valid isn't it that she doesn't want your sick child to spread it to the other child? And this accusation after you admit that they have helped you even more than agreed this month.

And your statement that she is being precious about her other grandchild is disrespectful and ungrateful unless you are going to claim that she treats her grandchild differently from your child or something.

This OP. You or DH need to take the day off work to watch your DC

You want the make someone else's child poorly so you can go to work. Will you take time off to look after their Child when he/she has the same bug and they want to work?

Reverse

Your partner’s mother hasn’t ’struck again’. Shes quite reasonably, declined to look after your child who is unwell.

Since you rely on her for regular childcare, you’re being remarkable selfish to speak of her in this way and even more selfish to expect her to take your unwell child, especially as she’s also got another grandchild to look after.

Neither she, or the cousin and the rest of the family will want germs passed around.

If she hears about the way you have spoken about her, I hope she declines to look after your child in future.

Your child and your partner’s. One of you needs to step up and be very grateful that you have someone for free regular childcare.

Your child is sick, you look after them. A nursery or other childcare setting wouldn't take them if they were sick.

You are unbelievably lucky to have PIL that offer regular overnight childcare. Such an unfair thread title for your poor MIL!! YABVU

YABU when a baby has been poorly all week it's down to you to look after them lots of parents seem to have this belief they can't take time off the reality is you don't have a choice

Perhaps your mil is fed up that what was an agreement for once a month appears to have increased in frequency and is taking this opportunity to push back.
Do you only make effort to go there when you need childcare or do you see them socially/spending quality time together?

Yabvu.
She is worried about germs and your child being unwell. And of course she wants to spend time with her other grandchild.
Can't believe you mocked her here for it.

MIL didn't strike anything. Your child is sick and you are responsible. Maybe she doesn't want sick also.

Of course you're being unreasonable!

she has said that if we are really stuck, she will re-organise the play date with the other GC.

i just feel constantly judged by her! every decision i make about my baby and she has an opinion. I started him on solids at 4 months, and she questioned this, We've put him in his own room, she's questioned this!